BY WILLIAM C. HENRY In recognition of Republican Jim Jordan’s tireless, and often successful, efforts to extinguish the remaining embers of American democracy, I feel it only fitting and proper that I make public what is purported to be the final draft of Jordan’s soon to be proposed twenty-eighth amendment to the United States Constitution. It is to be titled “The Bill of Republican Rights” (co-signers include Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Rick Scott, Tom Cotton, John Cornyn, Josh Hawley, Ron Johnson, Rand Paul and Marco Rubio). With full acceptance of Republican party racism, bigotry, xenophobia, gullibility, and armaments worship, […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Hey, hey, NRA–and the political pawns you pay to perpetuate your mass-murdering ways — how many Americans did you terminate today? If that sounds radically morbid, I certainly hope so. Since 2018 some 1,453 Americans have been killed in mass shootings in this country (I would have included the staggering mind-numbing year-by-year gun violence statistics but that still wouldn’t sway these conscienceless Republican killers one scintilla). Have Republican politicians EVER done anything substantive about gun violence? Of course not. Will they? Not a chance. Their feet and their feelings are so calloused that they can’t even […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY This just in: Determined to keep the former would-be Fuhrer at the forefront of their lily-white-skinned nationalist agenda, CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) has announced that effective February 28, 2021, it will be changing its acronym/name to ATAC (Annual Trump Affirming Conference).  In keeping with such action I think it only fitting and fair that some of Donnie’s phoniest, most two-faced, spineless, self-serving curtsiers and ring-kissers get a bit of well earned homage as well. I mean, it’s the least we can do. Here, in no particular order of their ignominy, are perhaps the most repellent of […]

BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Listen up, all ye would-be retainers of your precious Republican (in name only) Senate and House seats, all you timid, trembling, yellow-bellied, come to truth latelies, who’d reluctantly proclaim you’re finally willing to put your country above pandering to Trump and his pestilent hoards of punks and chumps, and meekly beg the forgiveness of the REAL Republican party. Pay attention! I’m about to present you with a guaranteed, fool-proof, fail-safe means of doing the right thing, the patriotic thing, the decent thing for a change; something that just may provide you a second chance at salvaging the courage […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Breaking news: Just released transcript of Capitol Hill telephone conversation between Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy: “Oh, my God, Kev, I’ve just been informed that that strange Greene substance the scientists unknowingly brought back from the asteroid destruction mission is mutating into a Trump mimicking monstrosity!! I’m told it’s spreading like a giant Donnie lie dump in liquid form!! What are we going to do?! We’ve got to stop it!! Maybe we can get it scooped up into audio-tight containers and ship them off to a federal landfill, maybe in northwest Georgia, huh?! Waddaya think?! […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Note to all wannabe 2024 Republican presidential candidates: It’s never too soon to start cementing that bucket list of seditionist acts you’ve always dreamed of committing but were entirely too fearful to vocalize. It just so happens that as we speak your previous Republican president is in the process of showing you, step by step, precisely how to insure that you will NEVER suffer any adverse effects from doing so. There is one small catch, however. You must perpetrate said sedition–and/or your choice of felonious act(s)–within two weeks of termination of your presidential term. Unfortunately, at this […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY The following is a just received excerpt from the text of Trump’s original (it was removed from the final text because his aids thought it might bring into question his diehard fans’ image of him as a “really smart guy”) self-congratulatory speech commemorating his “Great Trumpian Wall” and fulfillment of his pledge that fair, unbiased, comprehensive immigration legislation would never get passed during his four-year tenure as neo-Fascist in Chief … well, sorta: My Fellow Pale Riders, I have asked you to gather here today to kick off my executive order proclaming that henceforth the 12th […]

Where have all these Donnie-Come-Latelies been for the past 5 years?! Where have all these now “forsaking” Cabinet Secretaries, advisors, aids, confidants, and assorted creeps, crawlers, cronies, spaniels and suck-ups been?! Were they just too stupid to recognize his toxic imbecility? Were they just too like-minded to recognize his racism, bigotry and xenophobia? Were they simply too fear-ridden to say aloud that the Emperor wore no clothes? Were they just so proud of their own partisanship as to gladly perpetuate his division? Were they so mindful of their own dishonesty as to overlook his blatant corruption? Were they so occupied […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY The following is an exact transcript of phone call between the President and Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger … well, kinda: SIDNEY POWELL: Mr. President, please pick up on line #1. We’re having a bit of a problem with “secure” connections today, but I don’t think it’s anything you have to worry about. Anyway, I finally have Brad Raffensberger on the line. Says he’s been up to his ass in phony vote tally allegations lately but has finally found time to get back to you. DONALD TRUMP: Thank you, Sidney, I’ll take it from […]

  The President is missing! The President is missing! Where is the President?! Well, have you looked on the golf course? Yes, he’s not there! Have you looked in his bedroom? Yes! He’s not in the bathroom either! Did you check the closet? Yes, no luck! Did you check Melania’s closet? Yes; and besides, there’s no room in there to hide! Have you checked the bunker? Of course, but it’s empty! Have you scoured Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower? Yes, top to bottom! How about Jim Jordan’s closet? Yes, he’s not in there! What about Ted Cruz’s closet? Yes, we checked there […]

  How marvelous it will be to have a President who actually serves a higher cause than his own naked self-interest. How wonderful it will be to have a President who doesn’t lie with every word he utters. How hopeful it will be to have a President who truly cares about the kind of world he’ll be leaving for our children and their children. How comforting it will be knowing that the nation is in the hands of an intelligent, capable, informed, compassionate, decent human being brimming with dignity and integrity. No more pretending that the COVID19 and opioid pandemics–and […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Our latest SCOTUS associate justice–along with 99% of Republican justices appointed or elected to state and federal benches since January, 2016–refers to her judicial philosophy as “originalism” or “textualism.” Actually, Dinosaurism would be a far more honest and accurate description. So, precisely what is this “originalism” and “textualism” these supposedly “unbiased, unprejudiced, nonpartisan and objective” justices and judges claim as the foundation upon which they construct their decisions? Well, in their Alice in Wonderland of fact vs. fiction, it’s a postulation by “conservative” judicial swamis that they possess the otherworldly gift of being able to divine what […]

  BY WILLIAM C. HENRY What does the American taxpayer have to look forward to regarding the untold mega million$ in back taxe$, interest charge$, penaltie$, and a $400,000,000+ personally guaranteed debt owed to corrupt banks and dictatorial foreign governments by the current president of the United States? Answer: he/she/me/you will be paying ALL of it off if the notorious deadbeat, tax cheat, known thief and traitorous Putin ass-kisser, Donald J. Trump, is re-elected. Why? Because Donnie is, for all intents and purposes, DEAD BROKE and has literally NO MEANS left to obtain the funds necessary to pay off these debts other than to surreptitiously steal them from the United States […]