BY ABIGAIL SHEPHERD With five days till Christmas, the holiday rush has now transformed into an all out attack mission to find the perfect holiday gift. Malls are overcrowded, specialty stores are running low and eBay is getting around 478,237,482 bids per second. By now, most people know exactly what they want…and they plan on getting it no matter how many innocent civilians die in the process. But, there are some people who still have no idea what the perfect gift for their special someone is going to be. Well, have no fear! This handy-dandy list is like a […]
PAPERBOY: “I’m Santa, You F*cking Dyke!” Edition
BY AMY Z. QUINN We know how it is: so many words to read, so little time to surf for free porn. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you, freeing up valuable nanoseconds that can now be better spent ‘roughing up the suspect’ over at Suicide Girls or what have you. Every Thursday we pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer you towards the gooey caramel center of each edition. Why? Because we like you. ON THE COVER CITY PAPER: […]
5 Things U Should Know About Brown Recluse Sings
SUNSHINE SUPERMAN: Brown Recluse Sings (pictured above), The Neighborhood Choir, Surefire Broadcast, & Hermit Thrushes play Friday at Johnny Brenda’s. 1. Brown Recluse Sings is quite possibly the second or third worst band name EVER. 2. They are also the greatest band we have ever heard. This week. What do they sound like, you ask? Krautrock-ish. Or “pretty, drawn-out, simple” as the band says. 3. Hard to say if they are a band first and a DJ collective second or vice versa. Patrick Todd is the drummer. He is 1/3 of the SuperTodd Brothers, along with Ryan and Jesse Todd. […]
THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST: Dave Eggers Is Comin’
The One Book, One Philadelphia Selection Committee has chosen Dave Eggers’ What Is the What to be the featured selection for this upcoming year. What Is the What tells the true story of Valentino Achak Deng, who as a child witnessed atrocities of civil warfare in Sudan and became one of the so-called Lost Boys. In order to enlighten readers and stimulate discussion dealing with both East African culture and history, as well as issues of violence in the world and within our own city, two thematically related companion books for families are also suggested: Brothers In Hope: The Story […]
KILLADELPHIA: “I Am Taking You To Moo’s House…”
DAILY NEWS: Anthony Elps allegedly was holding a handgun as he locked eyes with Sonia Perez. Perez, his ex-girlfriend, was holding her 4-month-old son in a car seat outside her West Philly home.“Get in the car!” Elps said, according to police. He wouldn’t ask again. Elps snatched the car seat, baby and all, and tossed it in the back of his 1994 Pontiac Bonneville. Then he grabbed Perez by the neck and threw her in the car, too, said Highway Patrol Capt. Michael Cochrane. When the Pontiac sped off, about 8:30 a.m. on Monday, Cochrane said, Elps turned to Perez […]
TODAY I SAW…
BY JEFF DEENEY TODAY I SAW an ambulance slowly snaking east through heavy traffic on Allegheny Avenue. It came to a stall halfway through the intersection with Kensington Avenue, where traffic stood clogged, cars line up from nose to tail. The ambulance driver loudly laid on the horn and cleared a narrow path to sneak through. Once out from under the El the ambulance swung around, making a u-turn and pulling up right to where I was standing on the northeast corner. When the EMTs got out they looked around, trying to spot the person who made the 911 call. […]
IN THE FAST LANE: Corporate Media Will Eat Itself
BY AMY Z. QUINN Talk about buzzkill. This time yesterday, I sat down to write one of my snarky open letter thingies to Alycia Lane. Something about how it’s never OK to punch a cop, even a bitchy female one who’s getting in your face, but that if Lane was trying to exert her journalistic rights in taking pictures of an altercation, then maybe — just maybe — she’d be able to save her $700,000 a-year job. I mean, around the time of Rich Eisen-gate, I started to really believe someone up in NYC (a frenemy from Ronkonkoma still upset […]
HOT DOC: Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon
Dear jonathan, Last weekend, I was proud to travel through Iowa with John Edwards during his “Main Street Express” bus tour as he met with caucus goers and discussed his specific ideas for providing universal health care, ending the war in Iraq, stopping global warming, and taking back our government from the powerful corporations and special interests who run it. Now, I am happy to help him kick off his final push before the caucuses. Today, John’s campaign is launching a great new video you really should check out. It’s a movie trailer, actually — a preview of all that […]
WORTH REPEATING: It’s The First Amendment, Stupid
Despite all our Vento-bashing, let us be clear: Joey Vento has a constitutional right to hang whatever asshole sign he wants on his cheese steak casino shack. That is the price of free speech: Sometimes people say things you don’t want to hear. Sure, it makes him look like a tone-deaf xenophobic bully in the best case scenario and a paranoid ignoramus deeply mistrustful of anyone a shade darker than Caucasian in the worst case scenario. And it reflects poorly on the city, VERY poorly. But barring some proof of denial-of-service based on racial discrimination — and to date there […]
KILLADELPHIA: 4-Year-Old Shot Dead
NBC10: The shooting was reported prior to 5 p.m. inside a house on the 1900 block of South Salford Street.The child was rushed to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia in critical condition but soon pronounced dead, police said.Chopper 10 over the scene showed police and fire department activity on the street outside the home.Police said they are questioning people but reported no arrests, and they were not immediately commenting on the circumstances of the shooting.
NEWS CLUES: It’s Like Adderall For Your Eyeballs
MONSTER: Father Stomps Mother To Death In Front Of 7-Year-Old Son Ferman said the youngest son told police his father became angry Saturday night over a takeout food order and began “punching his mother in the mouth.” The boy tried to call for help, but his father ripped out the phone cord, locked the front door, and continued beating his wife. “The boy related that his mother then said to him, ‘I’m going to die. I love you,’” the criminal complaint said. The boy told police his father left the kitchen and put on a pair of shoes, “returned to […]
IN THE FAST LANE: When Anchorbabes Attack!
NEW YORK POST: December 16, 2007 — A foxy Philly anchorwoman — who once e-mailed sexy swimsuit snaps to a married TV talking head — became an anger woman today, calling a female cop a “dyke bitch” and slugging her in the face, law-enforcement sources said. The bizarro incident occurred when Alycia Lane, an Emmy Award-winning anchor for KYW-TV in Philadelphia, was riding in a cab with hunky radio DJ boyfriend Chris Booker and another couple when their taxi was stalled behind a slow-moving, unmarked police car, sources said. When the unmarked car stopped for a light at Ninth Avenue […]
FORECAST: Everyone Knows It’s Windy
Monday, Dec 17 High: 39 °F RealFeel®: 22 °F A rain or snow shower in spots this morning; otherwise, mostly sunny with winds gusting past 45 mph