Reader Writes: Turns Out Jesus Is NOT Magic

Hey Phawker, You told me to get in touch at JB’s last week, and now, with a heavy heart I find myself NEEDING to get in touch with you. For, good sir, I saw your post about the Sarah Silverman vehicle Jesus is Magic, and I need to get this off my chest. I guess if you can do a little retroactive hype, I can give a little retroactive backlash…That movie is not only a waste of time, but it couldn’t be less insightful, subversive, or controversial. All things it strives very hard to be. First off, I am a […]

Meltdown: Weldon Says Fed Probe Sticking Out Of His Rectum Was Shoved Up There By The Dems, Just Ask ‘Grumpy’ The Gym Guy

Ever since the FBI raided his daughter-the-lobbyist’s house in Queen Village last Monday as part of Justice Department influence-peddling investigation, U.S. Rep. Curt Weldon (R-PA) has been blaming everyone — Joe Sestak, Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton, The Unstoppable Liberal Media — everyone that is except, well, Curt Weldon. If Mr. Weldon got his tit caught in a wringer, to borrow an old chestnut from the last season of cataclysmic Republican scandal, he has only himself to blame. And if he hopes to generate sympathy and throw himself on the mercy of the voters — which is about the only viable […]

Phawker Archives: Every Day We Get A Little Less Empty

What is this woman thinking? How high is she? What song is playing? Is Peter Fonda in the other room? Does she sleep with a white rabbit? What’s in her medicine cabinet? No really, what’s in there? A hookah smoking caterpillar. Is she surprised that Steven Colbert turned out to be a pompous rightwing gasbag? When is her brother going to settle down and meet a nice girl? Does she know that people are starting to talk? That in earlier times he would have joined the priesthood by now? Why is she bringing back that run around in-just-your-pantyhose look? Why […]

Hot Document: Guild Memo To Inky/DN Newsroom, Strike Vote Set For Thursday

MEDIATOR CALLED IN October 23, 2006 The Guild Monday asked for a federal mediator to help reach a settlement with the Company on a new contract. The action means that the government will provide a neutral party to narrow the issues that the Guild and the Company remain at odds over. The mediator cannot force either side to accept a proposal. His value is to lend an objective hand to a process that now has spanned 11 meetings without much progress. The mediator contacted the Company Monday afternoon and is expected to set up meetings with both sides.On Monday, the […]

PBR: Phils Re-Sign 43-Year Old Moyer To Two Year Extension, Just To See If A Major League Pitcher Can Live That Long; Bullpen To Become No-Fly Zone

Not sure how I feel about this Jamie Moyer extension. Thought it was a stroke of understated brilliance on G.M. Pat Gillick‘s part to pick up the crafty 43-year-old southpaw for the Phils’ unanticipated stretch drive. Moyer did exactly what I — and Gillick, I’m assuming — expected: soft toss his way once around a league mostly unfamiliar with him and his throwback style of American League “backwards” pitching (i.e. — working off your off-speed stuff rather than your fastball)…

NPR For The Deaf: We Hear It Even When You Can’t

  Fresh Air has on Outkast’s Andre 3000. It’s always fun to hear Terry talk about the hippity-hop withrappers. It’s kinda like hearing virgins talk about sex with a hooker. Anyway, Andre’s comin’ on to plug his new Cartoon Network show, Class of 3000, but we wonder if they’re gonna touch on this, courtesy of Drowned In Sound: Andre 3000 has angered anti-gun campaigners in the US by claiming he’d like to buy his nine-year-old son a weapon. The rapper/actor is quoted as saying: “I would want my son to carry a gun when he gets older. It’s just something […]

Introducing: Gaybo, Our New Queer Affairs Column

Editor’s Note: Are you gay and read Phawker? Or just thinking about it? Becoming gay that is. Because, you know, you ‘heard good things.’ Are you straight but curious how the other team plays? Congressman, we have heard your call and answered your prayers. Our Gaydar Editor Tommy Zane is gay all day and queer for a year, and like all gays he is wickedly funny, stylish, tidy and knows from window treatments. He may be going to hell, but most of our straight friends are, too. So, without further ado, we give you the first installment of GAYBO. We’ll […]

Cover Wars: Who’s Artfag Kung-Fu Is Stronger?

OK, first a mea culpa. Since our first installment of this feature, Phawker has learned a valuable lesson: commenting on the pectoral pulchritude of alt-weekly art directors while praising their creative acumen is neither clever nor edgy, it’s hurtful and immature. Sure some people think it’s sexy, but others find it sexist. And that’s just a few letters away from ‘racist.’ And let’s just stop that kind of talk, RIGHT NOW. Anyway, onward and upward. This week is a tough call. Both alt-weeklies have handsome enough covers, for a change. Pictures of handfuls of dangerous drugs always gets our attention. […]

Hell Hath No Fury: Metro Fires Back

We knew damn well we were opening a whole new can of whup-ass with our Metro ass-clowning. And that’s fine, after all, if you’re gonna dish it out you better be willing to take it like a man, too. That’s how it works: you take your best shot, and then we take ours. So here it is — DUCK! — the Metro’s stinging rebuke:   Dear Phawker, Glad you dug the Week that Was. I almost cut the healthcare answer to get the Sweeney answer in, but it was too good. We at Metro have long since surpassed the monkey […]

Chix We Dig: Forget Dave Chappelle, It’s Now Official, Sarah Silverman Most Controversial Negro In The Known Universe

This is something else we’re gonna do: buck the Calendar Journalism school of arts coverage. And buck it hard. We don’t work for the publicists, so why should we work on their clock? Who fuckin’ died and made them Elvis? Sure, Jesus Is Magic came out on DVD eons ago, but all copies of the frickin’ thing have been rented-out at TLA ever since. We FINALLY got our hands on a copy and watched it last night and we’ll just leave it at this: TLA if you are reading this, we are not fuckin’ bringin’ it back. Repeat, NOT. But […]

PBR: Bolt-Throwing Gods of Hockey Angry, Smite Hitchcock; Whistling Past Smoking Hole In The Ice, Bobby Clarke Quits To Spend More Time With Fam

So the Flyers tried the old stealth firing, under cover of darkness and the Sabbath: Lower the boom on a Sunday morning just hours before a Birds game for minimum fallout. New Flyers Head Coach (former Phantoms coach John Stevens) and general manager (assistant G.M. Paul Holmgren) just magically appear in Voorhees on Monday. Not so fast Ed Snider and Peter Luukko. You’re living in the New Media age. You should know Comcast SportsNet is going to halt the five-hour loop of SportsRise, get Michael Barkann, Neil Hartman and Al Morganti (guess the Erotic Caf? was closed) out of bed […]