BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY Oy. Oof. Ugh. Has there ever been a worse goal to end a Stanley Cup Final? Has there ever been a worse goal? I’m not here to kill Michael Leighton, but you can’t win a Stanley Cup when you give up soft goals in four separate games. Yes, the Flyers wouldn’t have gotten as far as they did without Leighton, but in the Finals they needed him to at least be solid, not putrid. It’s the same old story for the last twenty years, outplayed between the pipes. And the Flyers have tried to address […]
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SPORTO: Steal This Sign
BY MIKE WOLVERTON In honor of my ADD children, here’s a quick Q&A with myself on some of this weekend’s pressing sports issues. Q: Are the Flyers the greatest team ever? A: Obviously. Here’s a team that has had goaltending issues since the Lindbergh/Hextall days of the ‘80s. There’s seemingly a new goalie in town every year (who remembers Ray Emery?). Now the plan has been accelerated to a new goalie every two weeks! The Flyers fell behind the Bruins three games to none in Round 2 of the playoffs, then lost goalie Brian Boucher to injury in Game 5. […]
PHILADELPHIA UNION: About Last Night
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY The Union played a very fan-friendly game on Saturday night. If you are going to get tonked in a 10:30 PM start, you owe it to your fans to be put away early so they can get some sleep. The Union did their part by conceding inside the first minute in Los Angeles. The box score is a bit unkind to the Union, as it says Adolph DeLaGarza’s goal came in the zeroth minute, before the game began, when in fact it took LA 53 seconds to score. A second goal from a post-corner scramble […]
SPORTO: The State Of Our Union
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY The Union had the edge in last night’s road game in Toronto until a double-flail in the 34th minute. Captain Danny Califf was red-carded, probably the silliest red card I’ve ever seen. He sent a soft backpass to goalie Chris Seitz, then tried to prevent the Toronto forward from pressuring the keeper by raising an arm to block him off. The Toronto player (de Guzman) flopped to the ground and out came the red card. The foul was elbowish (I just made that word up), and it was lazy. But there was no force behind […]
SPORTO: Goodbye Donovan
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY The Redskins? You’re shitting me, right? The Redskins?!? I’m blown away that the Eagles would trade Donovan McNabb to a place where he can shove it up their ass twice a season. And help a division opponent at the same time. There are only two possible explanations; the first is that the Eagles think McNabb’s skills have eroded to the point that he will hurt the Redskins instead of help them. I reject that idea. That must mean the other explanation is true, that the Skins made an offer significantly better than anyone else. This […]
SPORTO: The State Of Our Union
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY The Philadelphia Union began their official sporting existence last night, in the cold and rain, 2,800 miles from home. But for the traveling supporters that were there, it must have felt like a sunny day with a cool breeze. Professional soccer has finally arrived in Philadelphia — albeit by way of Seattle — and congratulations are in order to all that had a hand in making it happen. As it turns out, soccer in Philadelphia is a young man’s game. Literally. Philadelphia’s starting 11 included only two players over 25 years of age. The right […]
SPORTO: March Mildness
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY With less than a week to go before the NCAA Tournament field is announced, lets take a look at how the local basketball programs are positioned. [The NIT, CBI and CIT are secondary, tertiary and gawd-awful tournaments, respectively, for teams that don’t make the NCAA Tournament]. LaSalle The Explorers will miss the Atlantic 10 Tournament after finishing 13th in the conference. Only the top 12 make the field. Saturday’s loss to Saint Joe’s sealed their fate. Season Highlight: Um, lets see…snapping their 8-game losing streak by beating UMass? Or maybe the 19-point […]
SPORTO: Johnny Are You Weir, Boy?
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY Male figure skaters? Studs. Incredible specimens of athleticism. Male figure skating? Well, if it’s not totally gay, you can see it from there. I can’t help but think they’d get more respect if only they would stop dressing like Liberace. I should have broken out this piece for the pairs skaters…it’s amazing what those girls talk their partners into wearing. Did you see the German guy? He looked like the Jack of Clubs. Here’s the review of last night’s top competitors in the Men’s Finals. I’ve ranked the manliness of each outfit on a scale […]
SPORTO: Insta-Reviewing The Super Bowl Ads
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY So the Saints won. That was cool and all. Tracy Porter’s 4th-quarter interception return might have been the biggest “We Just Won The Super Bowl” moment ever. From totally in doubt to virtually assured in four seconds. Congrats, NOLA. I’ve always wanted to write a Super Bowl Commercial Review, because the one in the USA Today is shit. So here goes. A true Super Bowl Ad can only air while the game is being played. Pregame and Halftime ads are out. Forget the “straight” ones too…the car commercials (3), Movie trailers (5), TV Promos (21) […]
SPORTO: Saints Go Marching In
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY So, Colts and Saints in the Super Bowl. That should be pretty good. Lots of points and a decent chance of being close. Two awesome quarterbacks. No BrettFavre. I’m ready. A look back at how it happened yesterday… Jets-Colts: 2010 was the year when I finally figured out to stop picking against Peyton Manning (took me long enough, I know). The guy knows what to do and how to do it. Take away his best receiver (Reggie Wayne) and he makes Pierre Garcon look like Marvin Harrison. The Jets had him on the run […]
SPORTO: A Month Of Sundays
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY BOR-RING. Most years at this time the NFL reminds us why it is the only sports league where the regular season is more exciting than the playoffs. The regular season has fantasy football, survivor pools and up to sixteen games per week. Sure there are bad games every week, but with 8 or 9 early games and 4-5 late games, there is plenty to hold your interest throughout regular season Sundays. In the playoffs, we are held captive by one-game-at-a-time. And when the top teams (Colts, Saints, Vikings) are so much better than their opponents, […]
SPORTO: Iggles Post-Mortem
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY Overmatched. Outschemed. Outmuscled. Outcoached. Outplayed. Outclassed. It seemed like the Eagles never had a chance. They did have a chance, early on, if they could have moved the ball. But apparently this offense, which set a team record for points scored, was only built to run up big numbers against crappy teams. Against the Cowboys, Donovan had no time. He was frequently able to buy time, but when he did, he would invariably let loose with an off-balance bullet that failed to hit the target. The Cowboys were carving up the Eagles’ defense, but sacks […]
SPORTO: Death In Dallas
BY MIKE WOLVERTON SPORTS GUY What the fuck was that? The high-powered Eagles scoring machine put up a goose egg in Big D Sunday. I would tell you what was wrong with the Eagles’ offense, except every time I looked up Dallas had the ball. If you went to the bathroom when the Eagles got the ball, by the time you got back, Patrick Crayton would be catching an 8-yard slant (this happened to me three times). I was playing Candyland with my kids, and even though my oldest romped to Candy Castle with relative ease, our game still had […]