Artwork by POASTERCHILD BY WILLIAM C. HENRY The pundits all crowed that the Republicans won a sweeping victory in the just-passed mid-term election, but in fact the REAL winners on November 4th were, in no particular order: self-defeating no-nothingness, sociopathic obstructionism, irrational fear of the other, bald-faced misogyny, seething homophobia and above all else, abject racism towards the nation’s first black President and First Lady. Yep, that’s what won out on November 4th. I’d congratulate the American Kakistocratic party (you can call them Republicans if you like) if there was even the teeniest of reasons for doing so, but, uh, well, you get the […]
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SMUS: Tax Inversion = You Pay Our Share
Illustration via FINANCIAL TIMES click HERE to enlarge BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Yet another tax-avoidance tumor is metastasizing in the belly of the corporate beast. The perps themselves refer to it as “tax inversion” (truth be told, they’d really prefer that the matter not be referred to at all) but please feel free to recognize it for what it really is: Big Greed’s most brazen effort to date to avoid its patriotic responsibility and shove the nation’s tax burden even farther up the ass of a dwindling middle class! Corporate apologists like to point out that America has the highest corporate tax rate (35%) on the planet, but what they don’t say […]
SMUS: This Land Is Your Land
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Can anyone give me an update on how the native Americans are making out in their negotiations with the federal government on getting their original land holdings returned? Yeah, that’s what I figured — about as well as today’s Palestinians are progressing with getting THEIRS back. But I guess that’s how it goes when the land in question was originally doled out to the ancestors of its present occupiers by no less a grantor than Jehovah himself. One could almost be forgiven for thinking all of this is simply a bad dream were it not, in fact, such a completely despicable […]
SMUS: There IS A Class War, And We’re Losing
Illustration by POASTERCHILD BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Question: Do you think it’s good for the American “democracy” to have 10% of its citizens own 75% (and growing more disparate by the minute) of its wealth? I’d prefer to direct this question to the leader of the Republican party, but of course there isn’t one. So far the selection process is only in the I-hate-everything-Obama-likes-more-than-you-do stage which still leaves that most pinnacled of all plutocratic dunce caps searching for a head. So, for the present I guess I’ll have to settle for addressing my query to all of those grand old dragons vying for the cone-shaped hat. Your phony “trickle ‘up’” economics and […]
FROM THE VAULT: Wayne’s World
EDITOR’S NOTE: This story originally appeared in MAGNET MAGAZINE BY JONATHAN VALANIA We’d been traversing the spine of Tornado Alley for the last two hours when the stewardess announced that we would be landing in Oklahoma City in a few minutes, and that we should fasten our seatbelts and return our minds to the upright position, when the drugs took hold. We are, as the saying goes, off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Odd—or, if you prefer, the Wizard of OK, a.k.a. Wayne Coyne, frizzy-brained mainman of the Flaming Lips, the P.T. Barnum Of The Stoned, a.k.a. […]
CINEMA: Do The Hustle
NEW YORKER: David O. Russell’s “American Hustle,” an intentionally overripe comedy about corruption, duplicity, loyalty, and love, is a series of astonishments. Russell, rewriting a script developed by Eric Singer, takes off from the Abscam affair—the bizarre criminal investigation of the nineteen-seventies in which the F.B.I. called on a swindler named Mel Weinberg to help ensnare public officials. (Six congressmen and a senator were among those ultimately convicted.) The bureau’s elaborate sting involved two “Arab sheikhs” (both F.B.I. employees) eager to invest in Atlantic City’s nascent casino industry and willing to bribe officials in order to procure operating licenses. […]
EXCERPT: The Man Who Fell To Earth
After 14 years, Moby has final created a worthy successor to 1999’s game-changing, bazillion-selling Play. MAGNET scales the walls of celeb-studded, anecdote-guarding Moby Castle high up in the Hollywood hills to find out what took so long. BY JONATHAN VALANIA This story starts in Moby’s apartment on a sunny pre-9/11 morning in New York city. Moby and his neighbor David Bowie are sitting on the couch strumming “Heroes” on acoustic guitars. They are prepping for a Tibet House benefit concert at Carnegie Hall organized by Phillip Glass. This is too good to be true, Moby thinks to himself. What if […]
ARMED & STUPID: If Ted Nugent Was Sheriff
SALON: Better things, for [Gilberton, PA sheriff Mark Kessler], include opening new chapters of the paramilitary militia group he founded, pushing legislation to fight the encroaching tyranny of the federal government, and making flamboyant YouTube videos that portray him “shoot[ing] a libtard out of a tree” or taunting the United Nations, but always shooting lots and lots of souped-up guns. It was that last activity that caught the attention of the local press this week. “Coal region police chief posts profanity-laced video on YouTube,” was the headline in the Allentown Morning call Tuesday. “Well, I guess I upset a […]
SMUS: Michelle Bachmann’s Greatest Sh*ts
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY As you’ve no doubt heard by now, The Bogeywoman of Minnesota is giving up the Washington ghost. Good riddance! Don’t let the door smack you on the ass on the way out, Michele! Wait a minute. Is it possible that her pending departure isn’t such great news after all? I mean, could we actually find ourselves missing her? Just think, no more exulting in such divinely inspired declarations of humaneness and tolerance as: ”Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of ‘The Lion […]
HOT DOC: David Chase’s Eulogy
Dear Jimmy, You family asked me to speak at your service and I am so honored and touched. I’m also really scared and I say that because you of all people understand this, “I would like to run away and then call in four days from now from the beauty parlor. I want to do a good job because I love you and because you always did a good job. I think the deal is I’m supposed to speak about the actor artists work part of your life. Others will have spoken beautifully and magnificently about the other beautiful […]
SMUS: Apple Is Rotten And Spoiling The Barrel
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY As you’ve no doubt already heard, Apple, Inc.’s CEO Tim Crook — oops, I mean Cook — appeared before the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations to be grilled as to why the company screwed the U.S. Treasury out of some $12.5 billion in federal corporate income tax over the passed two years. Guess who won? Turns out it wasn’t even close. Tim “The Skim” wowed ’em, cowed ’em, and put ’em down for the count! Hell, by the time it was over, the old Crookster — there I go again, Cookster — had them eating […]
HOODWINKED: Teatard Jim DeMint & The Heritage Foundation’s Racist Immigration Propaganda
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY In case you missed it, Jim Boy has left the building. Recognizing that even if he departed there would still be ample Tea Partiers remaining to carry on the obstruction, Jimmy figured the time was ripe to try his hand at running one of the country’s most inglorious research outlets: the Heritage Foundation. While there is little question about his possessing all the illiberal qualities necessary to hold down such an enterprise’s presidency — after all, for nearly 15 years now he’s been one of the most salient national shills for any and all things anti-immigrant, […]
SMUS: Sequestration Without Representation Is Tyranny!
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY This one’s for all the folks who are going to be adversely affected by the “sequester.”There are many examples of why there should never have been any such thing, but verbiage constraints limit me to highlighting only the top four which I’ll present in the order of the magnitude of their egregiousness. But before I get into the meaty implications of the matter, allow me to digress for just a moment. For once (there may have been others but I’ll be damned if I can remember even one) I’m going to give Republicans credit for […]