BY TOMMY ZANE Here’s what I want to know about Anna Nicole: How can someone have so much money and be so unhappy? I mean, I just love hearing the sob stories of the rich. Daddy’s Little Girl can’t afford her Mercedes anymore because of her coke habit, or Biff can only go to Bermuda this summer instead of Italy, because Daddy lost some money in the stock market when Zimbabwe expelled the white farmers. Of course, Anna Nicole came from nothing, but please don’t confuse her story with the American Dream. She fucked, sucked and schemed her way to […]
GAYBO: My Bologna Has A First Name; Norwegian Woody’s; Paris Is Burning & We Don’t Need No Water
BY TOMMY ZANE Woody’s, the Judy Garland of of Philly cocktailing, has a new look, some new staff and new owners, so I finally dragged my ass over there to check out what all the bitching is about. The first floor looks the same, without some of the nasty bartenders I had grown to hate. So far, so good. The drink prices are up and the drinks are much weaker — thumbs down, new owner Michael Weiss. If there was one thing Bill Wood was known for in Philly, it was a strong drink. Even straight friends went there knowing […]
GAYBO: The Prince Charles Cockring & Hip-Hop Homos
BY TOMMY ZANE This week, Philadelphia was treated to a visit from Prince Charles and his wife Camilla, The Duchess of Cornwall, in honor of the 150th Anniversary of The Academy of Music. Camilla wore a $25 million necklace made of diamonds and rubies, and hell — why not? Surely a $20 million necklace of sapphires and emeralds would have been just too understated for such an event. My also sources report that Charles wore his $40 million cockring with matching ben-wa balls, and Camilla fingered the crack of the Liberty Bell. Christ, I know these people are royalty, but […]
GAYBO: WHEN GAYS GET PISSED
BY TOMMY ZANE There are a lot of things that can put a queen in a mood. The right to not marry, Red Cross’ homophobic ban on blood-donating by ALL gay men, still in effect since the eighties, and dumbasses that ask you about the “Iggles game” in the elevator at work, assuming you give a damn. Just to name a few. This week, I experienced three of my favorites: Gaybo’s Pet Peeve #1: Let’s start with pets — dogs to be exact. Dear Straight Friend Colette and her hunky husband Cliff live down in Old City. (They bought a […]
GAYBO: HIPSTERS, TRAMPS AND SLEAZE, MORRISSEY DOES EUROVISION? NO FUMAR y NO ESTACIONAR & THREESOME OF THE WEEK
BY TOMMY ZANE Aging Granddaddy of all hipsters and ambivalent sex-God Morrissey is rumored to have jumped in the race to write and/or perform this year’s U.K. entry in the Eurovision Song Contest, to be held May 12 in Helsinki, Finland. The 52 year-old contest counts ABBA and Olivia Newton-John among its discoveries (the Aussie warbler lost out to the ABBA’s “Waterloo” in the 1974 go-round) but Eurovision is mostly known for its high camp and lousy pop songs with flashy Solid Gold-esque choreography. If Morrissey does indeed sign up to represent the U.K., I can only imagine a domino […]
GAYBO: Zane Insane For 2007! Sal’s On 12th Goes Way Gay! Dreamgirls Is Gay All Day! Hooray For Gay!
BY TOMMY ZANE Weeks have just flown by and I’ve been oh, so silent. But that just means more chat to share with you, my pets! Ah, The Holidaze — finally over. Yeesh. No hospitalizations or friendships ended in a fury of expletives, thank Goddess. After listening to James Brown for nearly two hours, New Years Eve I was wasted on champagne and vodka — a deadly combination. Frolicking in a makeshift Stevie Nicks-style skirt, spinning in circles to the sounds of Fleetwood Mac’s “Gypsy” nearly made me barf. Other New Year’s hotspots: Robert Drake and company held court at […]
GAYBO: Grammys Go Gay; Korporate Karaoke; Threesome Of The Week
TOMMY ZANE REPORTS: The 49th Annual Grammy Awards nominations were announced late last week; time to peruse the list for standout Extra Gay Choices! Let’s start with Miss Mary J. Blige. Ramon calls her the dark-skinned Judy Garland who got off the junk and pulled herself together before the shit killed her. Nominated for eight Grammys, this girl definitely ranks high with queens through every note of pain that comes from her mouth. All the pain she must have inside her shines right through in her singing. Yeah, that’s what I meant. The Dixie Chicks? Start with the name. Sounds […]
ROGUE TRADERS: Voodoo Child
Elvis Costello never sounded quite like THIS. [Hat tip to Tommy Zane]
Gaybo: JERSEY MALL HORRORS; LURID TALES OF JAILHOUSE DIVAS PAST; 3SOME OF THE WEEK
TOMMY ZANE REPORTS: My lover Ramon [not pictured, lower right] and I ventured forth into South Jersey this weekend, to spend some time with his family in Vineland. Mamacita was only too happy to see her favorite hijo. It was me, Ramon, Mamacita and his 49 cousins — in a pull out sofa. Or at least that’s how it felt, grabbing and crowding me all the time. Anyway, Ramon got nostalgic to see his old haunts, so off to Cumberland Mall we went. Now, this is no King of Prussia, with four flagship stores. No way. This is your typical […]
Gaybo: WHO DO YOU HAVE TO FU*K TO SMOKE IN THIS TOWN? + THANKSGIVING QUEERIES + THREESOME OF THE WEEK
TOMMY ZANE REPORTS: Can someone please explain the smoking rules in this city, because I’ve been in numerous clubs with people smoking all around me. If there’s food being served, you can’t smoke? Is that it? Funny thing is, none of the gay bars allow smoking. Word is that’s why Woody’s went up for sale — his receipts were cut in half by the smoking ban. I still get that weird pay-to-play feeling when I’m standing around a straight club and people are lighting up everywhere, but not so in the gay bars. Could it be the gay club owners […]
Reminder: REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
Rehab by Amy Winehouse [hat tip to TOMMY ZANE]
GAYBO: Surefire Boy Magnet; ‘Phantom’ Must Be Stopped; And Our Queen On ‘The Queen’
TOMMY ZANE REPORTS: Ever get that feeling that you just can’t score? Do you go weeks, months, or (Goddess forbid) years without sex? I know it may seem hard to believe, but us gay folks can have a dry spell too, even the pretty ones. I have an answer for all you queer love losers out there — bring on the straight girls! That’s right — there’s nothing like some sexy, trendy and confident straight women to make your bod all the more attractive. Just this weekend, I was up in Chelsea on business and my dear friend Maria was […]
GAYBO: Election Blues For The Reds; Dulliah, Queen of the Dumb Down; Che Target Losing Its Mojo?
Amazing how seven days can change the world’ Nothing could ever replace the sated feeling I had watching those pathetic Santorum children crying as Daddy conceded the election. Boo fucking hoo! Now, back to Virginia where you really fucking live. I’m sure Santorum will end up on some Republican’t committee or something. I’m just happy to have him out of PA’s hair. There’s absolutely nothing Philly about him. He probably thinks the Rocky statue belongs on the Art Museum steps. Fucking loser. And as for “Fast Eddie” Rendell, Nancy Pelosi and all the winning Democrats, I say, congratulations — let’s […]