Amazing how seven days can change the world’ Nothing could ever replace the sated feeling I had watching those pathetic Santorum children crying as Daddy conceded the election. Boo fucking hoo! Now, back to Virginia where you really fucking live. I’m sure Santorum will end up on some Republican’t committee or something. I’m just happy to have him out of PA’s hair. There’s absolutely nothing Philly about him. He probably thinks the Rocky statue belongs on the Art Museum steps. Fucking loser. And as for “Fast Eddie” Rendell, Nancy Pelosi and all the winning Democrats, I say, congratulations — let’s get to work. Six years of hell has been enough. Let’s get the troops home and supply health care for all…
On to a much more serious topic: soft rock on the Philly radio dial. Since the demise of Sunny 104.5 and Smooth Jazz 106, there’s only one soft rock game in town, B101. So, if you happen to be jonesing for some pathetic, ironic soft rock on your way to, say, Target for some cheapo holiday shopping, you may encounter the ever relentless boredom known as Delilah. She’s the syndicated call-in show hostess who gives uplifting advice for lovelorn losers. These are the really pathetic messes, so completely wrapped up in their own miserable lives. AND they have the nerve to go on national radio and spill their utterly trivial lives for all to hear. I do find listening to these zeros and their purposeless lives appealing in a sick and twisted way. But really, Delilah, where’s the diversity? No queens? No messy gay love stories? And you know drolling dykes could only be fun, in a really hideous sort of way. Come on, Delilah, open up to all the fags out there who need an outlet to whine about their horrid existence. It’s only fair.
Speaking of Target, is it possible they’re losing their touch? I’ve had three separate encounters there recently that were very discouraging. The first was Target.com. Ordered roller skates and got a Norelco trimmer in the mail. Huh? Where’d that one come from? Okay, maybe I need to shave, but I needed those skates even more. Then, I went to the South Philly Delaware Avenue location and got very dissed.
It was near the end of the night and I was lost in the men’s clothing 30% off discount rack. Well, Miss Target salesgirl totally got the prices wrong. It was like she was fucking with me. Then, they didn’t even make the “15 minutes til closing” announcement. They were turning off the lights, so I just walked out without buying a thing. At this rate, Target better watch its ass or they become the next Big K. I’m off to hit the Jersey stores. They’re always better stocked and cheaper too and I really need another pair of Vietnam made light green Massimo pants. Sorry, the holidays are almost here and I need retail therapy to cope.
ABOUT THIS COLUMN: Are you gay and read Phawker? Or just thinking about it? Becoming gay that is. Because, you know, you “heard good things.” Are you straight but curious how the other team plays? Congressman, we have heard your call and answered your prayers. Our Gaydar Editor Tommy Zane is gay all day and queer for a year, and like all gays he is wickedly funny, stylish, tidy and knows from window treatments. He could also probably kick your ass into next week. But don’t worry, Tommy’s a lover not a fighter. He may be going to hell, but then most of our straight friends are, too. Every MONDAY look for GAYBO. We?ll have a gay old time!