MY LIFE IN THE GHOST OF BUSH: Chapter 14

[“Screaming Pope” by FRANCIS BACON] BY AARON STELLA About a year and a half ago, I began chronicling my stranger-than-fiction life story here on Phawker. Admittedly, much of it is hard to believe, but let me assure you that everything I have shared thus far really did happen. Since almost all of these events occurred during the presidency of G.W. Bush, I am calling this MY LIFE IN THE GHOST OF BUSH, a play on the David Byrne/Brian Eno album MY LIFE IN THE BUSH OF GHOSTS. This is the 14th chapter, and for the benefit of newcomers, here’s a […]

Live & Direct From The 2nd Annual Naked Bike Ride

BY AARON STELLA The Philly Naked Bike Ride, now in its second year, is intended to raise awareness of Philadelphia’s biker population, and of the advantages of biking: it’s cheap, green, good exercise, communal, and most importantly, fun. And so, from the grassy knoll of Lemon Hill, we rode again—in all there were more than 1,000 of us, many sans clothes—for the Second Annual Philly Naked Bike Ride. Oh yes, I was naked, and so were my friends (pictured above) thanks to some encouragement from a wandering group of women trying to snap pictures with the naked folk. Among the […]

MY LIFE IN THE GHOST OF BUSH: Life In A Madrassa

BY AARON STELLA About a year and a half ago, I began chronicling my stranger-than-fiction life story here on Phawker. Admittedly, much of it is hard to believe, but let me assure you that everything I have shared thus far really did happen. Since almost all of these events occurred during the presidency of G.W. Bush, I am calling this MY LIFE IN THE GHOST OF BUSH, a play on the David Byrne/Brian Eno album MY LIFE IN THE BUSH OF GHOSTS. This is the 13th chapter, and for the benefit of newcomers, here’s a quick recap of the preceding […]

REAL ESTATE: So You Want To Buy A Home Pt. 3

BY AARON STELLA I’m still not in the house I purchased last April. It was, livable when I bought it, albeit in need of some serious face lifting, which always has its snags and surprises. Like, throwing up some dry wall should be a relatively painless process—unless there’s three layers of petrified wallpaper covering what were once beautiful plaster walls which means you have to frame out the whole house before dry walling; or, tearing out water damaged dry wall in the kitchen only to find a larger-than-life brick Jenga puzzle teetering precariously overhead because some brain trust didn’t use […]

TONITE: Dumpster Diving

It’s that time of the month again, folks, when the Dumpsta Players, that intrepid troupe of dragsters-gone-wild, lift up their skirts and give us a little cud to chew on. (hot!). Our story opens with 2010’s Prom-trash queen and insatiable tramp Mrs.Miller out on her usual twittering binge. It doesn’t take long before she stumbles upon a Tea Party with Commie-Hater Don and Horely Tates, and not at the sweaty man-pit she was expecting. Crestfallen, Mrs. Miller hops into her Hot Tub Time Machine and sets the way back widget to 1776, where the real party must be—or so she […]

REAL ESTATE: So You Want To Buy A Home Pt. 2

BY AARON STELLA Never buy your first home for love; buy it for money. Embracing this maxim will maximize the considerable benefits of first-time home ownership. As I mentioned in our last edition, people don’t typically buy a home until they’re ready to settle down, and it’s this mindset that prevents many people from home owning and securing wealth until later in life. Your dream home doesn’t have to be your first; make it your fourth, and by that point you should be able to buy it in cash. After I got serious about buying my first home, I had […]

REAL ESTATE: So You Want To Buy A Home

BY AARON STELLA “Oh Osh magosh me? A house? Mortgages and mahogany? Brunches and backsplashes? Go pick on someone your own size!” Was what I told my broker/boss at CITYSPACE, a real estate agency, when she asked me if I was considering buying a house anytime soon. That was November 2009. I was 24-years-old and in my sixth month employed at CITYSPACE as their Web Content Associate. I possessed relatively little knowledge about real estate and home owning, and to me, people just didn’t purchase homes until they’re ready to settle down. A few weeks after my broker poked me […]

CHAPTER 12: My Life In The Ghost Of Bush

BY AARON STELLA About a year and a half ago, I began chronicling my stranger-than-fiction life story here on Phawker. Admittedly, much of it is hard to believe, but let me assure you that everything I have shared thus far really did happen. Since almost all of these events occurred during the presidency of G.W. Bush, I am calling this MY LIFE IN THE GHOST OF BUSH, a play on the David Byrne/Brian Eno album MY LIFE IN THE BUSH OF GHOSTS. This is the 12th chapter, and for the benefit of newcomers, here’s a quick recap of the preceding […]

REVIEW: Brat Production’s The Bald Soprano

BY AARON STELLA This weekend, six actors from Brat Productions performed looped interpretations of Romanian playwright Eugene Ionesco’s The Bald Soprano for 24 hours without breaks. Curtains opened 8pm last Friday and closed 8pm the following Saturday in the Annenberg Center for Performing Arts and Sciences. Coffee was served through each roaring hour, but some patrons guzzled PBRs in the interim. It was apparent that the more rowdy pockets of audience had been camping out in the theater for most the day, if not the since the night before. I stayed for three performances; I could have stayed for more. […]

TONIGHT: Towering Babble

In case you passed out early in the 24-hour party cycle of this past New Year’s, you’ve got one more chance to kill it—tonight!—at the all-night, all-day performance of Eugene Ionesco’s The Bald Soprano. Originally scripted for an hour, Ionesco eventually chose to give his play meaning by looping it endlessly with pickled twists and interpretations, until it spirals into meaninglessness. Ionesco’s play holds an absurdist mirror up to the futility of human connection in the towering Babel of modern times, where non-sequiturs swarm and go viral and meaningful communication gets drowned out by the din of idle banter. Leave […]

GAYDAR: Dumpstas Vs. Octomom

BY AARON STELLA GAYDAR EDITOR The Dumpsta Players, that raucous band of merry drags, pulled out all the stops last Wednesday night at Bob and Barbara’s with they’re Christmas tabloid scalping of Jon and Kate +Hate in Outerspace! B&B’s tight quarters were especially packed that night; those present, making as much of a scene as would be expected from a crowd jiving with the DP’s prescription of dissolute theater. Kicking off the show was the bellicose but buoyant Mr. and Mrs. Ponzio (Mr. Ponzio played by the Jackal Jester himself, Ricky Paul), belting out a reel of “Jingle Bells” as […]

TONITE: Get Your Dumpster On

BY AARON STELLA We’ve got one last push before the end of our first year in recession, but the Dumpsta Players, those lascivious lint-lickers of the everydrag, have decided to drench you in the year’s drossy tabloid afterbirth beforehand with their Christmas special Jon and Kate + Hate in Outerspace! Fate would have it that the Gosselin’s hyper-fertility would be sullied by their love for the camera and the Benjamins: during a rehearsal with their children at Ponzio’s for “The Regis Philbin Christmas Special”, Jon storms out and into the arms of Octomom, who’s really an alien. At that, the […]