BY AARON STELLA GAYDAR EDITOR The Dumpsta Players, that raucous band of merry drags, pulled out all the stops last Wednesday night at Bob and Barbara’s with they’re Christmas tabloid scalping of Jon and Kate +Hate in Outerspace! B&B’s tight quarters were especially packed that night; those present, making as much of a scene as would be expected from a crowd jiving with the DP’s prescription of dissolute theater.
Kicking off the show was the bellicose but buoyant Mr. and Mrs. Ponzio (Mr. Ponzio played by the Jackal Jester himself, Ricky Paul), belting out a reel of “Jingle Bells” as they intermittently kvetched to one another. (Purportedly, Mr. Ponzio’s late mother swept SEPTA cars for 17 years and never went on strike. Oh Philly) Next enters the money-mongering Jon and Kate Gosslin with their pugilistic brood. At a command from Kate, her little stars began and bobbing and weaving while singing “It’s a Sunsine Day.” but despite their adorable musicianship, Kate interrupts the song and berates her kids for not being TLC sexy enough, a comment which incites a fight between her and Jon, and finishing with, “Jon’s leaving all his money to that whore who would fuck for the World Series Tickets.” Jon leaves in a huff—soon to be seduced into the tentacles of Octomom (who’s literally garbed in a octopus suit).
Craving for Jon’s fertility, Octomom whisks Jon away to the planet of Glamatron, ruled by Neuva Gabor, where the 8-maiden and Nueva plan to use Jon to populate an alien race of reality TV babies—and for no pay! But not to fear (or should he?), Kate shows up with the Ponzios to rescue Jon; then the Gosslin children happen on to the scene; a final intrusion that Nueva will not tolerate, as she sics her space henchwomen on the earthlings. At the last minute, the Gosslins and the Ponzio’s escape on their spaceship and get safely back to earth. But the Gosslin kids haven’t eaten yet, and so decide to take out their hunger pangs on their parents and collect their insurance money. (Greed seems to run in the family) But right before the kids exact their revenge, Susan Boyle shows up and moralizes the Gosslins and everyone else with a karaoke hit from Susan, “Holly Jolly Xmas.”
Smashing! That’s all the DP’s got until next year folks. Remember: in times of recession, it’s when we al need to band together and support our local arts. After all, it’s low-budget local theater such that the DPs offer that get us through the hardest of times (now who’s moralizing, right?). A new year beckons on the horizon. I wonder what the DPs got cooking for next year? Until next time…