TONITE: Get Your Dumpster On


BY AARON STELLA We’ve got one last push before the end of our first year in recession, but the Dumpsta Players, those lascivious lint-lickers of the everydrag, have decided to drench you in the year’s drossy tabloid afterbirth beforehand with their Christmas special Jon and Kate + Hate in Outerspace! Fate would have it that the Gosselin’s hyper-fertility would be sullied by their love for the camera and the Benjamins: during a rehearsal with their children at Ponzio’s for “The Regis Philbin Christmas Special,” Jon storms out and into the arms of Octomom, who’s really an alien. At that, the nefarious eight-mother absconds with Jon to her planet, Glamatron, when Nueva Gabor, Ruler of Glamatron, has been conceiving a heinous plot. With dollar signs in her eyes, Kate pursues Octomom to rescue Jon. But what about the kids? Will they be fed? What will happen to them? Find out tonight! Show starts at 11pm at Bob and Barbara’s. Cover’s only $1.99. I’ll see ya there!

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