ONE SENTENCE EDITORIAL: John Kerry Should Have Been Bound And Gagged And Kept In A Secure Undisclosed Location Until The Election Is Over While The Fightin’ Dems That Actually Know How To Play Hardball Without Taking It In The Nuts In The First Inning Slug It Out In The Trenches With These Pricks; And PLEASE GOD, We Don’t Ask For Much, But Let This Be The Much-Needed Period On This Kerry ’08 Talk We’re Hearin’ ‘Cuz You Only Get To Blow It Once, And Then It’s Somebody Else’s Turn To Blow It, Just Ask Howard Dean, And Besides THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!

“How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?” –John Kerry, 1971 Huffington Post: Secret Of Comedy Is TIMING Chicago Tribune: Kerry Cancels Campaign Stops In Philadelphia & Minnesota Michelle Malkin: I Am A Cunt With Teeth

News , PoliticsPosted on:

PAPERBOY: All The News That’s Fit To Pimp

Inky/DN Strike Averted For 30 Days: “The contracts, which were due to expire at midnight Wednesday, will now be extended through Nov. 30, according to Philadelphia Media Holdings, owner of Philadelphia Newspapers LLC. Owners and members of the newspapers’ Council of Unions agreed to the extension Tuesday morning. On Tuesday afternoon, terms were reached with the largest union, the Newspaper Guild of Greater Philadelphia, to also go along with the 30-day extension.” [Philadelphia Business Journal] Feds Net 35 In Mission Impossible-Style Chiropractor/Slip N’ Fall Sting: “Officials said those charged were divided into three groups: the lawyer, Jordan B. Luber, who […]

215 , Media , NewsPosted on:

JUNK SCIENCE: Absinthe Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

ELIZABETH FIEND REPORTS: There was a war, you see, in a hot and far away place that had a strange religion called I-s-l-a-m and a lot of our boys were getting killed, and maimed, and messed up in the head and the war dragged on a lot longer then we expected until nobody could really remember why we were over there in the first place. Then a farmer shot his whole family, shot ’em dead in their sleep with his Army issued rifle and the powers that be just denied, denied, denied what you know and I know and even […]

NewsPosted on:

Project S.M.E.R.C. or Wiping The Smirk Off Smerconish With The Dirty Rag Of Truth #2

Like the War On Christmas, the War on Halloween is another Red State canard. Repeat: IT DON’T EXIST. Are you listening, Uncle Fester? Sure, it’s not that big of a deal, but if you give these people an inch they’ll take Iraq. Seriously, if you don’t call ’em on it the next thing you know Santorum is equating it with man-on-my-pet-goat marriage. Check this bulk email invite to Michael Smerconish‘s…wait for it…Un-PC Halloween Party: A few years ago, a letter came home from one of my kids’ schools saying that for Halloween, please dress the children up like someone from […]

News , PoliticsPosted on:

STUDY: The Good Ship Print Journalism Continues Its Titanic Plunge; In Other News Phawker Traffic Up 7%, Curiously Enough

Circulation Plunges at Major Newspapers By KATHARINE Q. SEELYE of The New York Times Circulation at the nation’s largest newspapers plunged over the last six months, according to figures released today. The decline, one of the steepest on record, adds to the woes of a mature industry beset by layoffs and the possible sale of some of its flagships. Overall, average daily circulation for 770 newspapers was 2.8 percent lower in the six-month period ending Sept. 30 than in the comparable period last year, the Audit Bureau of Circulations reported. Circulation for 619 Sunday papers fell by 3.4 percent.But some […]

Media , NewsPosted on:

READER WRITES: I Am JADED FUCKIN’ INDIE GUY, You Will Know Me By The Trail of Dead And The Sting Of My Envy

A few things bug me about this [Philly Mag] article: 1. Of course Joey‘s gonna be nice to a reporter. When there’s something in it for him, Sweeney‘s charm can be downright dazzling. Of course, the flipside to this, is we don’t know what the piece looked like after x amount of edits, and Philly Mag doesn’t want to alienate a possible new demographic (which I don’t think exists in this town in any real large numbers: the indie-yuppie…I still think it’s The Khakis buying all those gazillion dollar condos). Besides, maybe Sweeney’s not important or familiar enough to most […]

215 , Media , NewsPosted on:

ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: Kids, Don’t Try This At Home, No, Really

Dear Mother Phawker, My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, and we are deeply in love and truly committed to each other. We didn’t “do it” right away. We waited, like a month and a half. For me, that’s taking it slow. Anyway, like two or three months later, things started to get a little weird in the bedroom. Not like whips and chains weird. It started innocently enough when my boyfriend began making kung-fu sound effects while we were in the act, climaxing (so to speak) with a Bruce Lee “Hiiiii-YAAAAAAAAAA!” Things gradually got stranger […]

AdvicePosted on: