THE TAO OF EVA: Fortune Cookie Surprise

Phawker assistant editor Eva Liao is currently in Japan on an exciting journalistic-type assignment that we’d have to kill you if we told you about, etc. As promised, she has been sending us a little culture-shock postcard each and every day. Today we thought we’d open it up to readers and have one of our patented WRITE A CLEVER CAPTION AND WIN FABULOUS PRIZES contest. First prize is a dream date/Manhattan getaway with Alycia Lane a paperback copy of Charles Burns’ Black Hole. Send your clever caption to

TAO OF EVA: Jingle Bells

BATMAN SMELLS: Street hawker outside adult bookstore, somewhere in Tokyo, yesterday [photo by EVA LIAO] PREVIOUSLY: Shitting Pretty In Tokyo Phawker assistant editor Eva Liao is currently in Japan on an exciting journalistic-type assignment that we’d have to kill you if we told you about, etc. However, she promises to send us a little culture-shock postcard each and every day.

THE TAO OF EVA: Live At Budokan

BIG IN JAPAN: Tokyo, Circa Yesterday by EVA LIAO Hey Boss, Tommy Lee Jones has done a series of commercials (ten, to be exact) for a coffee called BOSS. Here’s the site that can link you to all of them. If you’re short on time, check out numbers 3 and 7 particularly. Because they’re all in Japanese, I’ll break down the general plot. Tommy Lee is an alien living amongst humans to get a better understanding of planet earth. Bit by bit he realizes life on earth sucks, but his love for Boss coffee makes up for its shortcomings. Enjoy! […]

THE TAO OF EVA: Shitting Pretty In Tokyo

EDITOR’S NOTE: Phawker assistant editor Eva Liao is currently in Japan on an exciting journalistic-type assignment that we’d have to kill you if we told you about, etc. However, she promises to send us a little culture-shock postcard each and every day. Her first one concerns the peculiarities of Japanese bathroom etiquette. The Japanese have mastered the art of shitting in public bathrooms. I look forward to doing it everyday. Just because I like you, I made this easy-to-use tutorial. 1. Toilet Seat Cleaner: Step One: Hold toilet paper under knob and press the gray button to dispense anti-bacterial spray. […]

THE TAO OF EVA: Not For All The Coors Light In China

    BY EVA LIAO — BEIJING, CHINA — On the day we fly to the Republic Of China, my father and I meet my mother at Chiang Kai-Shek Airport, where she is flying in from the U.S. (Click here to get the backstory on my mom) When she arrives, it’s obvious my mom’s already drunk. It’s 8 a.m. While we’re standing in a very long, very static check-in line, my mother and I decide to make a trip to the bathroom. Before I’m even able to pull my pants down, I hear the distinctive click and woosh of a […]

THE TAO OF EVA: The Motorcycle Diaries

  BY EVA LIAO TAIPEI — Today I saw a pretty young high school girl run down by a motorcyclist as she tried to cross the street. The girl wasn’t paying much attention, but then, neither was the guy on the bike. She put her black knee-high-clad foot into the road just as the speedster turned the corner, right into her side. The girl went down, her blue pleated uniform skirt went up and her tote skidded across the asphalt, spewing an impressive load of school books. The culprit wore a surgical mask over his face — one of those […]

THE TAO OF EVA: Teaching Old Dogs New Tricks

BY EVA LIAO Today I taught my 75-year-old grandfather [that’s him and my grandmother back in the day] to use the computer. Or, at least I tried to. We began at the very beginning: I showed him where the monitor power button was and how to turn on the system unit. We got to Windows, opened up Firefox. And then we hit a roadblock — apparently, double-clicking is problematic when you’re this old and have never touched a mouse before. We spent 10 minutes practicing on the glass table. “Grandpa, you have to do it quickly.” Tap-tap. Tap-tap. I demonstrated […]

THE TAO OF EVA: Breakfast Of Champions

BY EVA LIAO BEIJING — I’ll admit it: In times of desperate measure, somewhere between Last Call and beddy bye, I’ve patronised some of the many Chinese fast food joints Philly has to offer. Places with names like Mr. Chow, Mr. Wong and David’s Mai Lai Wah taste best right around 3 A.M. And that’s all well and good, as long as nobody is laboring under the delusion that this is what Chinese food really tastes like — because, almost without exception, Chinese food in America is about as ‘real’ as the tits hanging on Anna Nicole, RIP. Truth is, […]

TAO OF EVA: Made In Taiwan

BY EVA LIAO TAIPEI — Most people probably think of Taiwan as some freaky place way over there in Asia where all their shit is made. And by and large, that is true. Your favorite sweater from Urban Outfitters? The 24-piece Tupperware set you got on sale at Costco? The bike seat you had to replace ’cause yours got stolen last weekend? In all probability they are “Made in Taiwan.” But this tiny little island holds a great personal significance to me for it also happens to be the place where my parents were born and bred, long before they […]

THE TAO OF EVA: Taiwan In The Hizzhouse!

EDITOR’S NOTE: In the wake of Eva Liao‘s protracted radio silence since reporting live and direct from Bonnaroo, Phawker has been inundated with questions about her whereabouts — although something tells me these might be coming from the 347 horny bastards that searched the site for “Bonnaroo Tits.” And no, she didn’t go back to rehab. She went someplace even better: Taiwan, the land from whence her parents came. Eva will be providing semi-regular reports from her trip to the Pacific Rim (Ha, I said rim), which god willing, will include a side trip to the People’s Republic Of China. […]


EDITOR’S NOTE: This weekend Phawker has not just one, but two, of its best correspondents on the ground at Bonnaroo. All weekend, assistant editor EVA LIAO and her trusty sidekick, book critic MAVIS LINNEMANN, will be blogging photos and scene reports straight from the primeval muck of Bonnaroo to your mind’s eye. Hope you appreciate that these chicks are living in a stifling tent and sweating their tits off so you don’t have to. I sure do. EVA SAYS: Here we are in Manchester, Tennessee, roasting in 95 degree weather under our makeshift tent (we didn’t exactly know how to […]

Eva Says: The Shadow Knows

Concert reviews. We’ll have at least one a week of the one show we’d actually go to even if we weren’t getting in for free. I’d write it myself, but frankly, the pay stinks. That’s why we’re sending Eva Liao. Because she is young and hungry and we are old and full. Eva is 22 years old and from Los Angeles. Her favorite band is the Velvet Underground. That’s why we hired her. Eva goes to Temple. Some would call her an intern, but we call her Editorial Assistant because we believe the media should empower young people, not belittle […]

TEE VEE: Girls Talk

  BY EVA LIAO My 25-year-old friend Maria has a steady job working for her dad’s Brooklyn production company as a scenic artist. Her luxurious Upper East Side apartment was purchased by her parents after she graduated college. Five-out-of-seven nights, Maria can be seen at the coolest concert or the hottest bar, shuttling back and forth between Williamsburg and Bushwick. Not surprisingly, Maria hates the show Girls because it’s a show about her. She says it makes her cringe — the clueless conversations, the awkward sex scenes — and she’s not alone. For many young females living in Brooklyn Girls […]