LEWIS BLACK: The Only Thing That Can Stop A Bad Guy With A Gun Is A Bad Actor With No Career Left

ON CHUCK NORRIS: “By the way Chuck, you’re 72-years-old, the most deadly thing about your roundhouse kick is the fart that comes out when you lift your leg.” (3:15)

RELATED: Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio teamed up with actor Steven Seagal to teach members of his armed volunteer “posse” how to handle potential school shootings. The self-described “America’s Toughest Sheriff” sparked controversy late last year after the Newtown, Connecticut school shooting when he said he would deploy the posse to monitor the perimeter of more than 50 Phoenix-area schools for suspicious activity. Members of the 3,450-strong group began patrolling in January, and the sheriff’s office announced recently that the program will likely continue next year. The simulated shooting took place on Saturday afternoon in a vacant school outside Phoenix. About 25 teenage volunteers acted the part of students while members of the posse practiced what to do if a shooter or multiple shooters entered school premises. The training was designed to teach posse members how to handle multiple-shooter situations, room-entry tactics and hand-to-hand combat. Posse members practiced using semi-automatic rifles and handguns called simunitions, which use marking rounds rather than bullets. “I want everybody to know that we’re going to be around those schools, that if you do something we will be armed, and we’re going into the schools to save our kids,” Arpaio told reporters on Saturday, pounding a podium to emphasize each point. While the volunteers are assigned to monitor around the perimeter of schools, a spokeswoman for Arpaio said that if an emergency arose, the posse would be permitted to enter school grounds. However, as ABC/Univision previously noted, according to a local CBS affiliate, some of Arpaio’s posse members have criminal records. Their investigation “uncovered a number of posse members with arrests for assault, drug possession, domestic violence, sex crimes against children, disorderly conduct, impersonating an officer – and the list goes on.” MORE