BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
SAY IT AIN’T SO, JOHN: McCain Spreading False Story That Obama Infomercial Will Delay Start Of The Game
MCCLATCHY: Throw the flag against: John McCain. Call: Unsportsmanlike conduct. What happened: “No one will delay the World Series game with an infomercial when I’m president,” the Republican presidential nominee told a crowd Tuesday in Hershey, Pa. Democratic rival Barack Obama bought the 8-8:30 p.m. slot on Fox and other major networks Wednesday night to air a campaign pitch. The first pitch of the World Series game, the resumption of rain-delayed Game 5, was set for approximately 8:37 p.m. EDT, about nine minutes later than usual. Why that’s wrong: It’s not unusual for World Series games to start after 8:30 […]
HOT DOCUMENT: London Calling
Subject: attention Jonathan Valania – The Guardian From: richard.adams@guardian.REDACTED Date: Mon, October 27, 2008 8:27 am To: feed@phawker.com —————————— Jonathan – your piece in the Inquirer yesterday was fantastic. We’d like to re-run it on the Guardian‘s op-ed site for the amusement of British people and others. regards, Richard Adams (I’m in the Guardian’s DC bureau) EDITOR’S NOTE: 34,000 54,000 page views, a re-print offer from the GuardianUK, an encouraging word from Josh The Bricklayer (SEE BELOW), more incoherent hate mail than Charlie Manson gets in a year, one death threat, notice that I am officially […]
Christian Science Monitor Will Kill No More Trees
NEW YORK TIMES: After a century of continuous publication, The Christian Science Monitor will abandon its weekday print edition and appear online only, its publisher announced Tuesday. The cost-cutting measure makes The Monitor the first national newspaper to essentially give up on print. The paper is currently published Monday through Friday, and will move to online only in April, although it will also introduce a Sunday magazine. John Yemma, The Monitor’s editor, said that moving to the Web only will mean it can keep its eight foreign bureaus open while still lowering costs. “We have the luxury — the opportunity […]
MAG: Does John McCain Have A Chappaquiddick?
HUFFPO: For the past two months, a major American magazine and an allied news service have been engaged in a legal battle with the United States Navy over records that they believe show that John McCain once was involved in an automobile accident that injured or, perhaps, killed another individual. Vanity Fair magazine and the National Security News Service claim to have knowledge “developed from first-hand sources” of a car crash that involved then-Lt. McCain at the main gate of a Virginia naval base in 1964, according to legal filings. The incident has been largely, if not entirely, kept from […]
DEATH OF PRINT: Inquirer Circulation Plunges In The Wake Of Outrageous Phawker Guest Editorial
EDITOR & PUBLISHER: For those holding out for some improvement in print circulation, this morning brings disappointment. The Audit Bureau of Circulations released the latest figures for the six- month period ending September 2008 and the report shows major drops in circulation at the big metros. According to ABC for the 507 newspapers reporting in this period, daily circulation slipped 4.6% to 38,165,848 copies. For the 571 papers, Sunday dropped 4.8% to 43,631,646 copies. For comparison purposes, in September 2007 reporting period, daily circ fell 2.6% and Sunday was down 4.6%. […] Daily circulation at The Philadelphia Inquirer slipped 11.0% […]
WINNER: Best Halloween Costume
DAILYKOS: So there I was, walking down the street minding my own business. I was sporting both my Obama ’08 baseball cap, and my “McCain + Palin = LIES” button. Suddenly, this short, angry old white guy runs up and punches me in the eye. I was so surprised I fell to the ground. Then he reached down, and using a sharp, yellowed fingernail he carved the letter “M” in my cheek. MORE HUFFINGTON POST: John Moody, executive vice president at Fox News, commented on his blog there that “this incident could become a watershed event in the 11 days […]
EDITORIAL: Why Whitey Can’t Vote
BY JONATHAN VALANIA FOR THE INQUIRER As a lifelong Caucasian, I am beginning to think the time has finally come to take the right to vote away from white people, at least until we come to our senses. Seriously, I just don’t think we can be trusted to exercise it responsibly anymore. I give you Exhibit A: The last eight years. In 2000, Bush-Cheney stole the election, got us attacked, and then got us into two no-exit wars. Four years later, white people reelected them. Is not the repetition of the same behavior over and over again with the expectation […]
TONITE: John Hodgman To Rock 215 Fest
215 FEST: We are proud and pleased to announce that the festival starts off this year with an arched, eyeglass-vaulting eyebrow on TONIGHT, when the one and only Mr. John Hodgman, the mild-countenanced, somewhat disturbed author of /The Areas of My Expertise/, and /More Information Than You Needed to Know/, and world-renowned expert on the little-known history of mole men gambols upon the hallowed, tastefully weathered boards of the Latvian Society. Mr. Hodgman will be joined by his friends, among them the incomparable *David Rees,* creator of the famed clip-art comic /Get Your War On/, and the world’s first blogger to […]
SLUDGE REPORT: Drudge Pimping Shady Story About Pro-Obama Slasher Disfiguring A McCain Volunteer
So, while you were sleeping, the Drudge Report has been blaring (upper left hand corner!) an outrageous story about a white McCain volunteer from Texas working in Pittsburgh who was mugged by a black man, who then noticed a McCain sticker on her car and proceeded to punch the woman in the face and carve a “B” in her face. Here’s how the Pittsburgh TV news station WTAE covered it… PITTSBURGH — A 20-year-old woman who was robbed at an ATM in Bloomfield was also maimed by her attacker, apparently because of her political views, Pittsburgh police said. According to […]
New York Times Endorses Obama For President
NEW YORK TIMES: Hyperbole is the currency of presidential campaigns, but this year the nation’s future truly hangs in the balance. The United States is battered and drifting after eight years of President Bush’s failed leadership. He is saddling his successor with two wars, a scarred global image and a government systematically stripped of its ability to protect and help its citizens — whether they are fleeing a hurricane’s floodwaters, searching for affordable health care or struggling to hold on to their homes, jobs, savings and pensions in the midst of a financial crisis that was foretold and preventable. As […]
PAPERBOY: ‘The Good, The Bad & The Chutley’ Edition
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF: Rudy Ghouliani Joins Chorus Of GOP Robocall Spooks
Hi, this is Rudy Giuliani and I’m calling for John McCain and the Republican National Committee, because you need to know that Barack Obama opposes mandatory prison sentences for sex offenders, drug dealers, and murderers. It’s true, I read Obama’s words myself. And recently, Congressional liberals introduced a bill to eliminate mandatory prison sentences for violent criminals — trying to give liberal judges the power to decide whether criminals are sent to jail or set free. With priorities like these, we just can’t trust the inexperience and judgment of Barack Obama and his liberal allies. This call was paid for […]