May 5 – Cruzan Amphitheatre – West Palm Beach, Florida May 6 – Ford Amphitheatre – Tampa, Florida May 8 – Lakewood Amphitheatre – Atlanta, Georgia May 9 – Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre – Charlotte, North Carolina May 11 – Nissan Pavilion at Stone Ridge – Bristow, Virginia May 14 – Verizon Wireless Amphitheater – St Louis, Missouri May 17 – Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion – Houston, Texas May 18 – Superpages.com Center – Dallas, Texas
NEWS CLUES: It’s Like Adderall For Your Eyeballs
Ex-Simpson Agent To Write How I Helped O.J. Get Away With Murder Tell-All Mike Gilbert, who served as O.J. Simpson’s sports agent for a reported 18 years, is writing a book for Regnery Publishing called How I Helped O.J. Get Away With Murder. According to a brief announcement published this afternoon on industry Web site Publisher’s Lunch, the book will “detail O.J.’s late-night confession” and offer new evidence showing that Simpson did kill his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her boyfriend Ron Goldman. The book also promises “information on Gilbert’s crucial role in obtaining the not guilty verdict and why he […]
THE EARLY WORD: Surf’s Up!
All week long we will be waxing nostalgic about our gloriously misspent psychedelic youth while attempting to explain how and why — from about 1984-1987 — a band called the Butthole Surfers were the ONLY band that mattered. I know, I know — but it’s true! And just to prove our point, we will be giving away tickets for Friday’s show at the Troc. Why? Because we love you!
CHICKENSHIT: ‘Fowl Prank’ Shuts Down High School
BY SAM WOOD & ROBERT MORAN OF THE INQUIRER A fowl prank has closed a Philadelphia high school, canceling classes today for 3,600 students. About 50 to 75 “full-blown live chickens” were discovered roaming the halls of Northeast Philadelphia High School this morning as faculty arrived before dawn. “They’ve created quite a mess,” said Fernando Gallard, spokesman for the school district. “It’s going to take us at least a day to clean up.” The cackling hens and roosters were let into the school on Cottman Avenue over the weekend. Video surveillance shows that multiple culprits gained entry into the school […]
KILLADELPHIA: 2 More Dead Since U Went 2 Bed
DAILY NEWS: In 12 hours, from Saturday evening to yesterday morning, two people were killed and four others wounded following numerous shootings and a hit-and-run. One of the deaths has been declared a homicide. The other, in which Ismael Valentin, 27, of the city’s Mayfair section, was shot numerous times at the 7400 Apartments on Roosevelt Boulevard near Bleigh Avenue in the city’s Rhawnhurst section, remains under investigation, homicide Sgt. Ron McClane said. The shooting occurred at 4:48 p.m. Saturday inside a stairwell, but Valentin managed to stumble outside the apartment complex, where he died a short time later, police […]
NEWS CLUES: It’s Like Adderall For Your Eyeballs
RIP: Actor Roy Scheider Dead At 75, Shark Not Involved Roy Scheider, a stage actor with a background in the classics who became one of the leading figures in the American film renaissance of the 1970s, died on Sunday afternoon in Little Rock, Ark. He was 75 and lived in Sag Harbor, N.Y. Mr. Scheider had suffered from multiple myeloma for several years, and died of complications from a staph infection, his wife, Brenda Seimer, said. Mr. Scheider’s rangy figure, gaunt face and emotional openness made him particularly appealing in everyman roles, most famously as the agonized police chief of […]
All Of This Happened While You Were Sleeping
FUTURE SCHLOCK: White Williams, Johnny Brendas, Last Night 1. Had I not been too busy gossiping with Mike D, I would have whipped out the notebook and chatted up srsly cute boy Joe Williams, who passed the time until his set snuggled up in a fur-hooded parka behind the merch table or hanging with some power gays at the bar. 2. When the time came, Williams climbed onstage and, accompanied by guitar and bass, whipped the largely young, male and hirsute crowd into a state of wiggling, bouncing bliss. But seriously, the kid in the audience who spent half the […]
KILLADELPHIA: Other People’s Meals
Apparently, if you vote for Vince Fumo, he will come to your house and make your family dinner. Every night! But in all seriousness, NONE of the people pictured in this commercial are truly threatened by the city’s spiraling homicide rate. The senator knows this. As such, this commercial grossly misrepresents the nature of the problem and the people most likely become just another chalk outline on the sidewalks of North and West Philadelphia. It reminds us the way they used to get Pat Boone to cover Little Richard songs so that, you know, white people could relate. Shame on […]
We Know It’s Only Rock N’ Roll But We Like It
SUNSHINE SUPERMEN: The Photon Band, Johnny Brendas, Friday Night [Photos by JONATHAN VALANIA]
LIVE: Top Five Reasons Why Cat Power Was Just ‘Meh’
MEOW MIX: Cat Power, Starlight Ballroom, Last Night CLICK TO ENLARGE 1. She was late. Like, almost an hour late. Yeah, yeah, she’s not the first rock star nor the last to make her adoring public earn their audience with her. But it did let a lot of the goodwill out of the room before she even sang a note. After a while, somebody shouted out “Stop playing fucking Motown singles and get your ass on stage!” 2. Their stage manager is a Napoleonic douche bag that just plain oozes bad rock karma. Trust me on this. 3. The band […]
MAILBAG: Vampire Weak And…
DEAR PHAWKER, 1. A band this allegedly likable must know that it can be despised. Help me bring bring balance to the universe. 2. A decent wedding band could play these songs note-for-note. 3. There’s no fucking way you’re going to bait me into saying something bad about Unitarians. 4. This new album is made possible by our collective unremitting gullibility. Break those fake kwassa-kwassa chains. Send these dudes back to grad school. 5. Wearing Docksiders in 2008 is gay, even if you lace ’em up with irony. JOE WARMINSKY Washington, DC PREVIOUSLY: 5 Reasons Why Vampire Weekend Was Better […]
Thieves Open New Drive-Thru Window At Diesel Jeans
PHILADELPHIA (CBS 3) — Philadelphia Police said a pair of brazen thieves used a car to break into a high end clothing store in Rittenhouse Square early Friday morning. Two suspects wearing ski masks reportedly backed their vehicle through the front window of Diesel Jeans near 15th and Walnut Streets just before 6 a.m. “Glass exploded, went everywhere. They hopped out of the car,” said witness Daniel Hancotte. “Both of the guys went inside the store and cleaned off a bunch of shelves.” Hancotte said the thieves pulled up to a nearby mailbox and backed up like they were making […]
PAPERBOY: ‘10,000 Men Missing In Action’ Edition
BY AMY Z. QUINN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and […]