DEAR PHAWKER,
1. A band this allegedly likable must know that it can be despised. Help me bring bring balance to the universe.
2. A decent wedding band could play these songs note-for-note.
3. There’s no fucking way you’re going to bait me into saying something bad about Unitarians.
4. This new album is made possible by our collective unremitting gullibility. Break those fake kwassa-kwassa chains. Send these dudes back to grad school.
5. Wearing Docksiders in 2008 is gay, even if you lace ’em up with irony.
JOE WARMINSKY
Washington, DC