Last night’s Colbert Report after the jump. Enjoy.
CONTEMPT: House Panel Votes To Cite Rove
ASSOCIATED PRESS: WASHINGTON — A House panel Wednesday voted to cite former top White House aide Karl Rove for contempt of Congress for defying a subpoena to answer questions about the dismissals of several federal prosecutors as its Senate counterpart explored punishments for an array of alleged past and present Bush administration misdeeds. Voting 20-14 along party lines, the House Judiciary Committee said that Rove had broke the law by failing to appear at a July 10 hearing on allegations of White House influence over the Justice Department, including whether Rove encouraged prosecutions against Democrats such as former Alabama Gov. […]
BACK IN THE USSR: Russians Eye Sunoco Purchase
FORBES: A private-equity company’s new stake in Sunoco could well herald an impending acquisition of the oil refiner and marketer – perhaps to one of Russia’s big energy companies. Late Friday, Harbinger Capital Partners revealed in a filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission that it had taken a 6.6% stake in Sunoco (nyse: SUN – news – people ), which has been struggling with unfavorable market conditions. Refiners in general have been squeezed by rising crude oil prices, which shot up so quickly this year that gasoline and other petroleum products could not be marked up quite as […]
WORTH REPEATING: Hey, Mr. Spaceman*
*First appeared in the December 2001 issue of Magnet. Spiritualized play at the TLA tonight. BY JONATHAN VALANIA Somewhere Over The North Atlantic, Sept . 25, 2001 Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space—35,000 feet above the Earth, to be exact. We’re on our way to Ireland to tag along on a Spiritualized tour. It’s gonna be fun, but there are some risks involved. As Americans, we’re traveling under the threat of death from Osama bin Laden, The Evil One, who lives in a cave. During the course of our trip, you might feel a little like Salman Rushdie […]
DEATH FROM ABOVE: CIA Kills Al Qaeda’s Dr. Evil
CBS NEWS: One of al Qaeda’s top chemical and biological weapons experts was killed in an air strike by a CIA pilotless drone in a remote Pakistani border region, senior Pakistani intelligence officials told CBS News Tuesday morning. Intelligence officials investigating the early Monday missile attack confirmed that Midhat Mursi al-Sayid Umar, also known as Abu Khabab al-Masri was one of six men killed and his remains had been positively identified. “We now have a positive ID on the body. I can confirm to you that Al-Masri has been killed,” a Pakistani intelligence official told CBS News on the condition […]
GAME OVER: Feds Crack Down On ‘Stop Snitchin’ Site
INQUIRER: But Adero Mahia Miwo fell for a drug dealer, and now she’s headed to prison for 30 months for conspiring to put the word out — with information from the controversial Web site whosarat.com — that a prosecution witness against him was a “rat” and a “snitch.” The Web site, which touts itself as the largest online database of informants and agents with more than 4,000, has caused consternation in the criminal-justice system, where informants play a critical role. Miwo, now 26 and from Jenkintown, who pleaded guilty to conspiracy to suborn perjury and witness tampering, acknowledged that she […]
MAILBAG: Mother Knows Best
EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is in response to Aaron Stella’s GAYDAR column last week. DEAR PHAWKER, Very colorful! Most of it quite true too! I must comment however that there were and, no doubt, still are many people there who attempt to live good Christian lives, as did your family. I particularly know of some children of members who are away at colleges around the country and are doing all they can to lead true Christian lives. They don’t have a clue about any ulterior motives, hidden agendas, or misguidance in the community and might be shocked and hurt by […]
TOMORROW: Win A Dream Date With Ron Jeremy!
Tune in tomorrow for details.* *Prize merchandise is strictly ‘as is’.
GOD, GAYS & GUNFIRE: Knoxville Church Shooter Was The Quintessential Karl Rove Wedge Issue ‘Values Voter’
ASSOCIATED PRESS: KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — An out-of-work truck driver accused of opening fire at a Unitarian church, killing two people, left behind a note suggesting that he targeted the congregation out of hatred for its liberal policies, including its acceptance of gays, authorities said Monday. A four-page letter found in Jim D. Adkisson’s small SUV indicated he intentionally targeted the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church because, the police chief said, “he hated the liberal movement” and was upset with “liberals in general as well as gays.” Adkisson, a 58-year-old truck driver on the verge of losing his food stamps, had […]
WORTH REPEATING: Say It Ain’t So, John
LEE STRANAHAN: Before I dive in, let me get the ‘objectivity’ thing out of the way. As a citizen journalist whose main claim to fame is producing satirical comedy [and the infamous 1984 anti-Hillary ad], I can be upfront about my political leanings. I’m a recovering libertarian and currently I’m a registered Democrat who is excited to be voting for Barack Obama in November. I like John Edwards and up until a few days ago, he would have been my first choice for Vice President on an Obama ticket. I’m far from Puritan — anything two or more consenting adults […]
HEAR YE: Conor Oberst Conor Oberst
Now playing on Phawker Radio! Conor Oberst plays the Troc Aug. 11th BY JONATHAN VALANIA The biggest cliche about Bright Eyes — aka 24-year-old indie-pop pinup Conor Oberst — is that he’s emerged as the latest “new Dylan,” a Mr. Tambourine Man for the O.C. Nation. Like all cliches, this one’s been worn meaningless by overuse. And yet it’s essentially true. Heck, Oberst already got props from the last New Dylan who amounted to anything: Bruce Springsteen. Like Dylan in his prime, Oberst writes long, elliptical narratives — weaving word-clotted threads of angst and regret, anger and shame, ecstasy and […]
HOT DOCUMENT: How Dry I Am
Following is a list of the top 20 “stone-cold sober schools,” according to Princeton Review‘s survey of 120,000 college students. 1. Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah. 2. Wheaton College, Wheaton, Ill. 3. U.S. Coast Guard Academy, New London, Conn. 4. College of the Ozarks, Point Lockout, Mo. 5. Grove City College, Grove City, Pa. 6. U.S. Air Force Academy, Colorado Springs, Colo. 7. U.S. Naval Academy, Annapolis, Md. 8. Wellesley College, Wellesley, Mass. 9. Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, Calif. 10. Calvin College, Grand Rapids, Mich. 11. U.S. Military Academy, West Point, N.Y. 12. Wesleyan College, Macon, Ga. 13. Franklin […]
NPR FOR THE DEAF: We Hear It Even When You Can’t
FRESH AIR We humans have long wondered what separates us from the other animals — but neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga may have given the topic more consideration than most. Gazzaniga, a pioneer in what’s called split-brain research, has just published Human: The Science Behind What Makes Us Unique. He talks to Terry Gross about his work, which involves investigating the varying functions of the left and right sides of our brains, and about how that research informs our understanding of the brain and human consciousness. Gazzaniga has spent the past 45 years studying the functions of the left and right brain. […]