DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENT: Plastic Fantastic MILFs

According to the website of Michael Salzhauer, a board certified plastic surgeon, My Beautiful Mommy, a children’s book designed to teach youngsters why mommy came home from the doctor with bruises on her nose and tummy, is “a must-have for any mother with young children considering plastic surgery.” Newsweek did a story prior to the book’s release, featuring a 29-year-old mother, Gabriela Acosta, whose weight ballooned from 115 pounds to 196 after birthing her now nine-year-old son, Junior Acosta. Even after Gabriela lost the weight, she was left with “stretched, saggy skin.” Plastic surgery crossed her mind, but she was worried what little Acosta would think if he saw his mommy coming home from the doctor’s bruised and bandaged. She went ahead with her breast augmentation and tummy-tuck after Salzhauer empowered her with his manuscript of My Beautiful Mommy. Her worries were finally put to rest when Acosta “spoke up about it at a big party,” asking everyone if they had seen “[his] mommy’s pretty new belly button? Now Acosta has a hot little mama for a mommy. My question to Salzhauer is what do you think the little fucker is going to say about all the fat mommies? I rest my case. — AARON STELLA