BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Be afraid, people, be very afraid. Of the Taliban, al Qaeda, or terrorism in general? No. Street gangs, career criminals, or crime altogether? Nope. Rising prices at the pump and on grocery store shelves, or inflation overall? Not even close. Folks, I’ve got something to tell you about that should raise every hair on the back or your neck and send a stampede of shivers right through your soul! It’s called the National Security Agency or NSA. It’s headquartered in Fort Meade, MD, and your hard earned tax dollars–a whole bunch of them–as well as your […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Goldman Sachs Of Sh*t
[Illustration by thadkellstadt] BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Has there ever been a more contemptible crew of con artists in the history of mankind?! Clearly Goldman Sachs has molded financial flimflam into an art form even John Myatt couldn’t envision. From deceptive foreign debt transactions to spurious mortgage-backed securities sales, this unprincipled pack of predators has left a trail of half-eaten carcasses stretching from the pillars of the Parthenon to the cul-de-sacs of suburban California — all the while reaping reprehensible profits for themselves and more than earning the dubious distinction of being Wall Street’s most cunning capitalistic carnivores. In the case of Greece, as […]
SHOCKING: Book Claims Roswell UFO Crash Was Actually Saucer Sent By Stalin, Piloted By Nazi Mutants
BLOOMBERG: Citing interviews with a single unnamed former engineer from government contractor EG&G — now part of URS Corp. (URS) — Jacobsen purports to lift the veil on what really crashed near Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947 and what happened to the wreckage when it got to Nevada. The craft, she writes, wasn’t an alien spaceship, as many have since theorized, nor was it a weather balloon, as the U.S. military alleged in its clumsy cover story. It was, according to Jacobsen, a Nazi-inspired Soviet spy plane with Cyrillic letters embossed on the hull, crewed by malformed adolescents, two of […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: The Religious Right Is Wrong
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY The following can be found in in Article 6 of the U.S. Constitution: No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States. Really? That being the case, I wonder why I can’t find corresponding language EXEMPTING participants in such “intercourses of congenial spirits” as the two-day all-expenses-paid (by their congregations no doubt) Pastors Policy Briefing which was held in Des Moines, Iowa on March 24th? Must have been written in disappearing ink. Conferences under the same guise have been held over the past few years […]
THE AUDACITY OF DOPES: Rove Calls Common ‘A Thug’; Palin Outraged, Though Not Anti-Rap, Mind You, She Knows The Words To ‘Rapper’s Delight’!
ROLLING STONE: The right wing shows no signs of letting the manufactured controversy over Common’s White House invitation die. Even though last night’s Evening of Poetry went off without a hitch, Fox News and other right-wing outlets continue to devote ever more attention to the issue. At the event, Common didn’t address the firestorm surrounding his 2007 poem “Letters To The Law” – which conservative pundits have seized upon as evidence of his anti-Americanism. Instead, he read a work that referenced both Martin Luther King Jr. and President Obama, who hugged the Chicago rapper at the end of the evening. […]
Koch Brother Says Obama Deserves Zero Credit For Getting Osama, Calls Prez A ‘Hardcore Socialist’
DAVID KOCH: “I don’t think he contributed much at all. He just made the decision, it was obvious where the guy is. He was one of the worst terrorists organizing attacks on the United States. I mean, no president in his right mind would not approve that decision to go eliminate him. So he’s getting a lot of recognition and his polls have jumped up, but his decision was the easiest of them all. The real hard work was done by the intelligence and the SEALs.” MORE THINK PROGRESS: “Obviously, the SEALs did the work here. But making decisions is […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead
[Artwork by ALEX PREISS] BY WILLIAM C. HENRY So, we finally got the scumbag. Am I happy? You bet your sweet ass I am! The only thing that could have made me happier would have been his being taken alive, shipped back in a cage, tried in a New York courtroom, found guilty, and publicly hanged (televised worldwide) at Ground Zero in front of a jeering crowd made up of every living relative and friend of every person who lost their life or suffered any harm as a result of the 911 attacks. I’d also have wanted a specially placarded […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Donald Trump Is A Giant Tool
[Illustration by ALEX FINE] BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Folks, I tried for months to find at least one decent thing to say about this douchebag dictator wannabe, but, alas, I finally abandoned the project after being informed that even the “last rites” had written him off. Perhaps they too had found that: This is the self-styled history buff who discovered, much to the President’s barely disguised glee (heh, heh), that Hawaii isn’t a third world East African nation after all. This is the Obama ascension asperser (Google it) whose old man’s MONEY and INFLUENCE have made the line “I couldn’t […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Bradley Manning Is A Hero
EDITOR’S NOTE: William C. Henry is better known to me as ‘Uncle Bill.’ I’ve invited him to weigh in from time to time on whatever is getting his goat at the moment. BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Once upon a time in a far off land a society’s leadership came to the realization it was going to have to come up with a somewhat less “lethal” means of ensuring its hold on power, because constantly riling up the citizenry with displays of naked brutality could be bad for a regime’s longevity. (SEE Egypt, Tunisia, Syria, etc.) Over time that means came […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Cruel & Unusual Cost-Cutting
EDITOR’S NOTE: William C. Henry is better known to me as ‘Uncle Bill.’ I’ve invited him to weigh in from time to time on whatever is getting his goat at the moment. BY WILLIAM C. HENRY If you’ve read any of my commentaries you know that I’m no shrinking violet (Google it) when it comes to politics, but I’m thinking it would probably be best if I exceed the recommended dosage of my hypertension meds for this one. Let me begin by saying that what we’ve got here, in the immortal words of Strother Martin, isn’t just “failure to communicate.” […]
TRUMP: Nobody Ever Went Broke Lost An Election Underestimating The American Public
ASSOCIATED PRESS: Sounding increasingly like a candidate, Donald Trump repeatedly told a raucous tea party crowd Saturday he has the qualities needed in the White House and the conservative ideals necessary to seal the Republican nomination should he decide to run. […] He derided President Barack Obama, calling him the worst to occupy the White House in history. He again questioned whether the president was born in the U.S., even though the fact has been affirmed by officials in Hawaii, where Obama was born. And he maligned China, saying the U.S. should take control of Iraqi oil and described American […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Those Who Forget The Lesson Of Vietnam Are Doomed To Repeat It In Afghanistan
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY This just in, folks: America is now spending $2,000,000,000 a f _ _ _ _ _ g* WEEK in Afghanistan! Wouldn’t you think that that might finally be enough to make even the bloodthirstiest of Washington’s fiscal phonies cry out for SOME sense of sanity, reason, or rationality, or, at the VERY least, a tiny smidgen of f _ _ _ _ _ g HUMANITY on the subject. Of course not. There’s not so much as a single SYLLABLE in ANYONE’S budget proposal devoted to reducing, or even ACKNOWLEDGING, the pissed away BILLIONS (345 SO FAR!) and […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: The Great American Shame
EDITOR’S NOTE: OK, admittedly it’s not a very original title, but it IS accurate. William C. Henry is better known to me as ‘Uncle Bill.’ He’s always been a man of strong opinions and a persuasive argument-maker, but I was a little surprised to learn — after re-connecting with him after a prolonged period of radio silence — that his current perspective so closely mirrors that of Phawker. Which is refreshing, to say the least, since most (white) people seem to turn into Fox News zombies when they get to be his age (early 70s, FYI). Not Uncle Bill. It […]