PAPERBOY: “I’m Santa, You F*cking Dyke!” Edition

BY AMY Z. QUINN We know how it is: so many words to read, so little time to surf for free porn. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you, freeing up valuable nanoseconds that can now be better spent ‘roughing up the suspect’ over at Suicide Girls or what have you. Every Thursday we pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer you towards the gooey caramel center of each edition. Why? Because we like you. ON THE COVER CITY PAPER: […]

ADBUST: Getting Old Is Hard To Do

[Hat tip to] NEWSWEEK: If you’re a man of a certain age, then you spent a lot of Sunday afternoons building ramps and wearing capes and trying to be the first on the block to jump over your labrador retriever. Or maybe you spent some time in an emergency room because your banana seat bike — the one with the sparkly flag seat — almost made it from the roof of the garage to the cow pond. When it was all over and the stitches were in place and the arms set, your mom had one man to blame: Robert […]

HOORAY FOR CLARITY: Time Shitcans William “The Bloody” Kristol & Charles “The Hammer” Krauthammer

NEW YORK OBSERVER: Two conservative Time magazine columnists are on their way out the door: Neither William Kristol nor longtime contributor Charles Krauthammer will be on contract with the magazine starting next month. Mr. Krauthammer confirmed the news to Off the Record, and a spokeswoman for Time said Mr. Kristol’s contract would not be renewed. The exact reasons for the departures of Mr. Krauthammer and Mr. Kristol, both high-profile backers of the Iraq war, are not entirely clear.“ I was very happy to work with them,” said Mr. Krauthammer on the phone from his Washington office. Asked if he would […]

ST. JOHN ALLIANCE: The Perfectly GOOD Explanation

PICTURE NOT RELATED: “Stigmatization of St Catherine of Siena” by Domenico di Giacomo di Pace “Beccafumi” il Mecherino SHE SAID: “The innuendoes and lies that have appeared on the internet and in the National Enquirer concerning John Edwards are not true, completely unfounded and ridiculous. My video production company was hired by the Edwards camp on a 6 month contract, which we completed December 31, 2006. When working for the Edwards camp, my conduct as well as the conduct of my entire team was completely professional. This concocted story is just dirty politics and I want no part of it.” […]

DIRT BOMB: The John Edwards ‘Love Child’ Blues

THE NATION: If the story is true, John Edwards is finished as a contender for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. The story is the National Enquirer cover piece — which will go on the racks at the supermarkets and drug stores of Iowa, New Hampshire and the other 48 states Wednesday morning — that claims the former senator from North Carolina is the father of a soon-to-be-born “love child.”The article claims Edwards, who has long burnished an image as the consummate family man and whose wife Elizabeth is a key player in his campaign, had an 18-month affair with female […]

IN THE FAST LANE: Corporate Media Will Eat Itself

BY AMY Z. QUINN Talk about buzzkill. This time yesterday, I sat down to write one of my snarky open letter thingies to Alycia Lane. Something about how it’s never OK to punch a cop, even a bitchy female one who’s getting in your face, but that if Lane was trying to exert her journalistic rights in taking pictures of an altercation, then maybe — just maybe — she’d be able to save her $700,000 a-year job. I mean, around the time of Rich Eisen-gate, I started to really believe someone up in NYC (a frenemy from Ronkonkoma still upset […]

IN THE FAST LANE: When Anchorbabes Attack!

NEW YORK POST: December 16, 2007 — A foxy Philly anchorwoman — who once e-mailed sexy swimsuit snaps to a married TV talking head — became an anger woman today, calling a female cop a “dyke bitch” and slugging her in the face, law-enforcement sources said. The bizarro incident occurred when Alycia Lane, an Emmy Award-winning anchor for KYW-TV in Philadelphia, was riding in a cab with hunky radio DJ boyfriend Chris Booker and another couple when their taxi was stalled behind a slow-moving, unmarked police car, sources said. When the unmarked car stopped for a light at Ninth Avenue […]

POT CALLS KETTLE: Vento Lawyers Decry ‘Unfairness’

INQUIRER: This afternoon’s hearing was supposed to be about the fairness of a “speak English” sign at Geno’s Steaks, but the initial focus was the fairness of the hearing itself. Attorneys for Geno’s owner Joey Vento argued that the proceedings were unfair for two reasons and asked that the case be thrown out. Making most of the arguments for Vento’s team was Shannon Goessling of the Southeastern Legal Foundation, based in Atlanta. MORE WORTH REPEATING: EXCLUSIVE: JOEY VENTO IN BED WITH SOUTHERN AGENTS OF INTOLERANCE & INDECENCY? OH MY! So, as you may well have already heard, the running sore […]

MEDIA: Pimping The News Is Not A Victimless Crime

NY POST: CNN isn’t very enthusiastic about one of the six “heroes” honored last week on its show, “CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute.” Pablo Fajardo of Ecuador was saluted in the “Fighting for Justice” category for his lifelong effort “to force one of the world’s largest oil corporations to pay more than $6 billion to clean up toxic waste in the Amazon rain forest.” CNN never named Chevron, a big advertiser on CNN, as the oil company. While the CNN Web site has “How to Help” links for all the other “heroes,” the link to, the Web site of […]

MEDIA: How Pigs Fly

Under the nascent ownership of Brian Tierney and Philadelphia Media Holdings, the Inquirer and Daily News have not only managed to stanch the chronic hemorrhage of readers, they’ve actually seen a modest, but no less substantive uptick in circulation. In this era of mass media ‘shrinkage,’ this is nothing short of a modern miracle. How did they do it? With prizes inside. That’s right, borrowing a page from the cereal-maker’s playbook, PMH has been giving away prizes like Bob Barker on ecstacy. To wit: Philadelphian Jennifer Barr is the grand-prize winner in the “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie contest, which […]

NEWS CLUES: It’s Like Adderall For Your Eyeballs

MAGGOT BRAIN: Nurse Sentenced For Allowing Infestation In Patient’s Head For allowing a horde of maggots to fester in the head wound of an elderly patient, a former nursing-home supervisor was sentenced yesterday in Delaware County court to four years’ probation and ordered to pay $4,800 in restitution. Donna Marie Cameron, 40, of Aston, was once director of nursing at the now-defunct St. James Retirement and Rehabilitation Center, in Chester. The court found that Cameron was anything but aware of the needs of Patricia Holdsworth, 72, a St. James’ resident suffering from skin cancer and mental-health issues. In June 2005, […]

Earthlink A No-Show At Council Wi-Fi Hearing

Will Wireless Philadelphia fulfill Mayor Street’s soaring vision of a city where all residents enjoy affordable Internet access or will it end up like man’s early attempts to fly by strapping on homemade wings and jumping off a cliff? The grimmer view dominated yesterday’s City Council technology committee hearings into Wireless Philadelphia’s progress. Councilmen Frank Rizzo Jr. and Brian O’Neill were appalled that Atlanta-based Earthlink, Inc. — the Wireless Philadelphia provider that recently announced it was getting out of the wireless-city business — did not show up to testify. O’Neill said he had received a statement “allegedly from EarthLink” on […]

Q&A: Armed America Photographer Kyle Cassidy

Dan and his Mossberg Model 88, Bushmaster AR-15, Rock Island Armory / Sendra M16, Remington 700 PSS, Springfield XD, FN Five-seveN, H&K USP, Sig Sauer P226, Colt Commander 1911, and Glock 22 by KYLE CASSIDY Kyle Cassidy has been a freelance writer and photographer since 1999. His photographs have been published in the New York Times, Barron’s Financial, and the Philadelphia Inquirer. He writes frequently about technology and has been an outspoken voice in the area of practical modern photographic theory. Largely known for his fashion and portrait photography, he became interested in photographing gun owners during the 2004 Presidential […]