READING EAGLE: A Reading man climbed atop [his] moving minivan Friday on the West Shore Bypass, stood on the roof and rode the vehicle until it crashed and catapulted him into the woods, West Reading police reported. Witnesses told police that the man then climbed up an embankment, stripped naked and ran several hundred yards down the busy highway bleeding from a foot-long gash in his side. Police responding to calls from frantic motorists used three separate jolts from a Taser and pepper spray to subdue the nude man. The Taser had no effect, and police eventually tackled the 38-year-old […]
PSA: Don’t Talk To Strangers With Puppies
Seriously, people. Charley is right. Use common sense out there, OK?
Learning Japanese On The Internet Is Easy
Today we learn how to say ‘what food do you like?’. Hint: Don’t order the rhino. Trust me. Next time we will learn how to find out where the bathroom is. So lay off the liquids until then. Again, trust me.
TECH: 7 Things To Consider Before Buying An iPhone
BY MARIA GODY OF NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO Apple’s iPhone isn’t even for sale yet, but already, consumers are lining up to purchase the gadget. But do you really need the iPhone? Here are seven factors to consider before you buy: 1. The Cool Factor: As is true for many other Apple products, the iPhone’s biggest “I want that” factor is its sleek styling. “If you love Apple, you love their gadgets, you have an iPod, you’ll be one of the first in line,” says Kent German, senior editor for cell phones at CNET.com, a technology news and reviews site. The […]
ADVICE: ASK MOTHER PHAWKER
DEAR MOTHER PHAWKER, Ok, here’s the setup: Back in 1989, I was in a band and playing a show in Nuremberg, Germany, with three other bands. I was the only woman, hanging out in the dressing room, which was in a basement down a LONG hall, far away from anything. A dude from one of the other bands held forth with a long, rambling, liquor- and heroin-induced diatribe about how women didn’t belong in rock. OK, whatever, asshole. But then he threatened to rape me. There were eight other people in that room, all men, and not one of them […]
ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: Open Letter To Britney
Dear Britney, I see you’re back in rehab, and I say congratulations. OK, I hear it only happened after your mom threatened to take away your kids, but if she had to tough-love you for the sake of her grandkids, too bad. Those boys deserve better than what you’re giving them right now. Look, honey, you had two babies in two years, saw your marriage fall apart and went a little batshit for a while there. It’s cool, and it happens to every one of us in some way — you just had enough money, enablers and access to publicity […]
ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: I Am NOT Italian, But I Am Willing To Learn
Yo-Yo Ma, I recently started dating this way hot Italian goddess from around the way, who just invited me over to her families’ Eagles-watching gathering this coming Saturday. Being as white as the driven snow, and perhaps not up to passing muster as the manliest of men (sorry, no blue collar callouses on these hands), I’m stressing the whole first impression thing. What do you suggest in regards to making that perfect first impression to Mamma Italiano and the boys? P.S. I also know nothing about football. Help! Signed, Whitey Dear ‘medigan, Kudos to you for thinking about this beforehand […]
ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: A Can Of Worms Marked DO NOT OPEN AT CHRISTMAS
Dear Mother Phawker, I know this time of year brings out the fun in family dysfunction for everyone, but this one’s a doozy. See, in my extended family there are three homosexuals. That’s not the problem, though. The thing is, they’re all very barely closeted and it drives me nuts. Each one of them has a partner, who is brought to family functions and introduced as “so-and-so’s friend,” despite the fact that these couples live, own houses and in one case, are raising a child together. Ma, I don’t begrudge anyone happiness and I’m glad my loved ones have found […]
ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: The Importance of Wearing Clean Underwear To EVERY Book Club Meeting, Not Just Some
Dear Mother Phawker: My wife is a member of a book club whose members meet once a month, rotating from one house to the next. Two weeks ago, my wife was the host, and I watched as our living room filled with about 10 women. I played a support role in the proceedings, keeping the refreshments flowing and the food bowls filled. Everything was fine until I bumped into one of the club members in the hall. We’ve been friends for several years, and she’s always been welcome in our home — maybe too welcome. She smiled at me and […]
Junk Science: YOUR HOSTILE PROJECTILES ARE NO MATCH FOR MY INVISIBLE FORCE FIELD, or, Surviving Thanksgiving “Back Up Off Me”-Style
ELIZABETH FIEND REPORTS: This is my Thanksgiving column. As a vegetarian, you probably expect me to write an article on the horrors of eating turkey — antibiotics, hormones, inhumane factory farming. As an anarchist you may think I’m going to rail against the hypocrisy behind the meaning of the day — the slaughter of Native Americans by the white man, the taking over of someone else’s land. Or perhaps you’re hoping for some vegetarian recipes. In that case, you shoulda tuned into my NPR Vegetarian Thanksgiving interview last year. Instead, I’m going to talk about how to use the science […]
ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: What’s Yer Name? Who’s Yer Daddy? Is He Rich? Is He Rich Like Me?
Dear Mother Phawker, I’m an old busy lady who has lived in Philadelphia for about a 100 years. I’ve booked bands, written about them, and worked a billion other jobs, all of which put me in direct contact with the general public and a host of new faces on a daily basis. Because my look is unique, they remember me, and I sadly, do not remember them. (All dudes in Philly indie bands tend to look alike, and since there are not as many women in the scene, we tend to stand out more). The years of memorizing names, faces, […]
ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: I Was So Much Older Then, I’m Younger Than That Now
Dear Mother Phawker: Is it strange that at age 22 I feel like an old fuckin’ hag who’s too loose to hang? I know all you really old people tell me that I’m still young and whatever, but being in college for four years only to come out directionless and uninspired really makes a person feel used up and pointless. Not to mention, VH1 is already running an “I Love the ’90s” series, recent parties have been annoyingly pervaded by ditzy, younger girls with higher metabolisms, and I get tired if I don’t get a full seven hours’ sleep. All […]
ASK MOTHER PHAWKER: Kids, Don’t Try This At Home, No, Really
Dear Mother Phawker, My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, and we are deeply in love and truly committed to each other. We didn’t “do it” right away. We waited, like a month and a half. For me, that’s taking it slow. Anyway, like two or three months later, things started to get a little weird in the bedroom. Not like whips and chains weird. It started innocently enough when my boyfriend began making kung-fu sound effects while we were in the act, climaxing (so to speak) with a Bruce Lee “Hiiiii-YAAAAAAAAAA!” Things gradually got stranger […]