BY LANCE DOILY It was only about quarter to nine in the morning but what the hell, it’s happy hour somewhere in the world, right? I am sitting on a stool in Murph’s, a barely standing dive bar on Union Blvd. where I spend most of my time when I’m not working, regardless of whether or not I’m supposed to be. The salesman back at the distributor I make deliveries for must have figured out my weakness for the place, as sometimes he’ll space it out so that I have to deliver here up to 4 times a week. If […]
Phawker Presents The Second Installment Of BLOTTO
BY LANCE DOILY I’m still not sure what I did to get the Singac American Legion put on my route for the third straight week, but there’s no point complaining about it. You see, this woman Amy is in charge of handing out the truck runs in the morning, normally the most demeaning job in the company due to our fierce stubbornness and fiery tempers. But over the years she’s built up an impressive portfolio of dick pictures we’ve all been coaxed into sending her for one reason or another (for the record, none of us has gotten any further […]
TONITE: We Travel The Spaceways
ARS NOVA WORKSHOP PRESENTS THE CELESTIAL SEPTET (NELS CLINE SINGERS & ROVA SAXAPHONE QUARTET) 8 PM TONIGHT AT INTERNATIONAL HOUSE ARS NOVA: On Tuesday, February 22, Ars Nova Workshop presents the Celestial Septet, an extraordinary union of the Nels Cline Singers and the ROVA Saxophone Quartet. Hitting the road for only 5 concerts, this first date of the tour marks the septet’s Philadelphia debut. Given the significance of this epic collaboration, ANW and local webcast production team web.illish.us will be offering a free live webcast of the concert to audiences outside Philadelphia. Please follow this link to register for the […]
COMING ATTRACTION: Next Week, Get Blotto
EDITOR’S NOTE: Next week Phawker will begin publishing installments of Lance Doily’s gonzo memoir BLOTTO: The Outrageous Misfortunes Of A Jersey Beer Truck Driver. We will run a new one every day next week to give readers a sense of what it’s all about and then a new one every Monday after that. Now, here’s Deeney with some of the backstory on Mr. Doily and how his screamingly hilarious memoir came to the attention of Phawker… BY JEFF DEENEY The first question people generally ask me about Phawker’s newest contributor/ Jersey beer truck driver Lance Doily is how the fuck […]
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
ARTSY: First Friday Picks
[Yue Minjun, Woodcut 1 from The Grassland Series, 2008. Woodcut on paper.] BY CAROLINE SCHMIDT February 4th marks the birthday of Alice Cooper (1948), Rosa Parks (1913), and Fernand Léger (1881). It is also the day Neal Cassady died (1968), along with head of Soviet NKVD Nikolai Yezhov (1940). It is also first Friday in Philadelphia (2011). Here is a list of top five gallery picks, selected by yours truly, in no particular order. Post-Mao Dreaming: Chinese Contemporary Art (pictured above), the current exhibition at The University of Pennsylvania’s Arthur Ross Gallery is well worth the trip to the wild […]
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
WORTH REPEATING: Ain’t Love Grand?
[Berretta 76, Tritone, undated by Jonathan Valania] INQUIRER: For the next year or so, Pete and Camille were best friends — but strictly that. “People would say, ‘You should go out, you’d be such a great couple!’ And I’d say, ‘Him? We fight too much! We would kill each other.’” Pete was having similar conversations. But while working on their first album, Black Beauty, romance slipped in. Camille and Pete both felt it, and both resisted. Camille told him it was hard enough being a female rock singer without people whispering that her success was in some way tied to […]
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
SCRAPPLE TV NEWS: With Your Host AP Ticker
This week, AP discusses explains how West Philly High School student Brandon Ford got invited to sit with the First Lady for the State of The Union address, the Gosnell abortion horror show, and the Onion coming to town. Also, he explains why the U.S. will not be able to indict or extradite Wikileaks’ Julian Assange and pays tribute to his old pal Don Kirshner of Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert fame.
THE HORROR, THE HORROR: How Holes In The Social Safety Net Let Monsters Like Gosnell In
BY JEFF DEENEY Let me begin by assuring anyone reading this from outside the region that the disbelieving moan of “What the fuuuuuck, Philadelphia?!” that reverberated around the world yesterday is being heard loud and clear here in the evermore ironically nicknamed City of Brotherly Love. Surely, the grand jury report detailing Kermit Gosnell’s filthy West Philly baby abattoir is utterly soul-shattering in and of itself, regardless of your proximity to the events. But many Philadelphians felt an additional, all-too familiar communal nausea watching the story go viral through the Twitterverse, first moving from the local media to national outlets, […]
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]