Don’t know if you’ve noticed but our vaunted sports columnist Patrick “PBR” Berkery has been MIA for weeks now. Actually, he’s out on tour with the Pernice Brothers. When he told us he was leaving for a while we were like ‘What kind of sports columnist goes on tour with some pussy indie-pop band in the middle of football season?’ And he was all like ‘I’m a drummer, not a sportscaster.’ And we’re like NO YOU’RE NOT, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? YOU ARE DEAD TO ME! DEAD! And, um, give us a call when you get back and we’ll […]
Mom, Dad, Ladies And Gentlemen Of the Jury, We Give You 174 Newspaper Stories That All Start With The Words BROTHER OF PHILADELPHIA MAYOR INDICTED, You Must Be So Proud
Philadelphia mayor’s brother indicted PHILADELPHIA, Nov. 28 (UPI) — Philadelphia Mayor John Street’s brother has been charged with fraud and tax evasion for allegedly selling his presumed influence to an airport contractor. Milton Street and two employees of Philadelphia Airport Services were charged in a lengthy federal indictment. The company was a joint venture formed to bid on a maintenance contract at Philadelphia International Airport and Northeast Philadelphia Airport. U.S. Attorney Patrick Meehan said that the company hired Street in 2002, paying him $30,000 a month, because executives believed he would help the company keep its contract, NBC10 reported. “Milton […]
Cheap Laffs: THAT’S NOT FUNNY, IT’S SCHTICK
Comedy By Non-Comedians Night Is TONIGHT, Man, Where DOES The Time Go? One Laris Kreslins is the brains behind this operation and this followup show to the premier back in ’01 (Pete’s Candy Store in Brooklyn) is sure to delight. Hosted by Rose Luardo (Sweatheart), local luminary non-comedians will perform 3-5 minute bits they think might be “funny” to an audience ready to laugh at about anything. Or that’s the plan anyway. This is perfect for anyone relishing uncomfortable pauses and the embarrassment of others. What’s the word? Schadenfreude… Yea, that’s it. Don’t miss it. Featuring funny people: Sam Schwartz, […]
DREAMY: ‘Harriet Brown’ At The Pearly Gates
FULL DISCLOSURE: This is was our band. Now it’s your life.
BANANA REPUBLIC: Appointed But Not ELECTED City Council Replacements Sworn In, Vow To Maintain Government Of THE MACHINE, By THE MACHINE And For THE MACHINE
Carol Campbell [PICTURED], Philadelphia’s newest councilwoman, sat with a benevolent smile on her face, ringed by a crush of supporters paying their respects. Stacked four deep, they plied her with kisses that left her cheeks stained with lipstick, and whispered words of congratulations into her ear. “Wait ’til you get a load of her,” said U.S. Rep. Bob Brady (D., Pa.) as he introduced the new Fourth District representative and fellow freshman Council members William Greenlee and Daniel Savage at a City Hall swearing-in session yesterday afternoon. Philadelphia’s political class, led by Brady, used the occasion to celebrate the virtues […]
HOT DOCUMENT: Inky/DN Guild Memo
FROM THE DESK OF SGT. BYKO: TAKE PERSONAL STUFF HOME Please remove personal items that you use or value from the workplace before expires at midnight Thursday, November 30. If a strike becomes necessary, you will not be allowed to enter the building to retrieve your belongings. Your bargaining committee is working hard to avert a strike. If one becomes necessary it will be because the new owners are being too aggressive in seeking to force us to help pay for their purchase of our newspapers. Keep working until you hear from your union officers that a strike has been […]
GUNCRAZY: Philly Mom Of Gun-Paralyzed Son Pulls the Plug FOUR YEARS AFTER HE WAS SHOT FOR REFUSING TO GIVE UP IVERSON T-SHIRT; Mom Donates Special Handicapped Van To Family of Boston 12 Year Old Paralyzed By Stray Bullet, Live On NPR
Kevin Johnson‘s perilous grip on life may come came to an end today because his family has made the gut-wrenching decision to disconnect him from the mechanical life-support system that has been keeping him alive for four days at Frankford Hospital/Frankford division. “I feel right now that Kevin has served his purpose,” said his mother, Janice Jackson-Burke. “I was blessed with three-and-a-half more years with my son, and they weren’t wasted years. “Basically, God called him home now, and that’s where he’s going.” Jackson-Burke said her son fell into a vegetative state on Thursday after his ventilation system failed, and he was […]
EARLY WORD: The Fiddler Now Steps To The Road, He Writes ‘Everything Was Returned Which Was Owed, On The Back Of A Fish Truck Which Loads, While My Conscience Explodes’ *
EBAY SHOW BLACK FLOOR GALLERY 319 N. 11th ST. OPENS THIS FRIDAY DECEMBER 1ST 7-11 *”Visions Of Johanna”
HIZZONER ’07: Maybe It’s The Snappy Name, But We Are Really Likin’ This Jonathan Guy
From YOUNG PHILLY POLITICS: Jonathan Saidel Makes Me Go, ‘Hmmmm’ During Bob Brady‘s riffing, he started introducing other local politicians in the room, including … future Mayoral candidate Jonathan Saidel. The reason I bring this up is that I had never seen Saidel speak in person, and frankly do not know a lot about him. But, I would have to say, his speech very much surprised and impressed me, mainly for the fire with which it was delivered. And then, when talking to someone about the speech, I heard another story about Saidel, which made me think about his candidacy […]
We Know It’s Only Rock N’ Roll But We Like It
SHAKEN NOT STIRRED: Miss Pussycat, Trocadero, November 25 2006
I AM JADED FUCKIN’ INDIE GUY and You Will Know Me By The Trail Of Dead and the Sting Of Mine Envy
ED KING REPORTS: Show of hands, please: Who else found Mackenzie Phillips’ annoying kid sister character in American Graffiti kind of hot and wished that Paul LeMat’s Milner character would drop his noble rebel pose and give the girl the ride she deserved? As I listen to Ys, Joanna Newsom’s new rallying call for indie guys who love art school girls, sadly for the most part, from afar, and as I work hard to tune out constantly repeated critical buzz phrases like “classically trained” and “Van Dyke Parks,” I’m reminded of the desire my young, twisted teenage heart felt for […]
Gaybo: WHO DO YOU HAVE TO FU*K TO SMOKE IN THIS TOWN? + THANKSGIVING QUEERIES + THREESOME OF THE WEEK
TOMMY ZANE REPORTS: Can someone please explain the smoking rules in this city, because I’ve been in numerous clubs with people smoking all around me. If there’s food being served, you can’t smoke? Is that it? Funny thing is, none of the gay bars allow smoking. Word is that’s why Woody’s went up for sale — his receipts were cut in half by the smoking ban. I still get that weird pay-to-play feeling when I’m standing around a straight club and people are lighting up everywhere, but not so in the gay bars. Could it be the gay club owners […]
Reminder: REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
Rehab by Amy Winehouse [hat tip to TOMMY ZANE]