SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Deplorables Are Us



BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Hi, we’re Bubba and Bubbette and we’re rootin’ tootin’ card carryin’ Republican rallyin’ MAGA KAG kinda folks and we’d like to take a few words to explain to you flamin’ Dem Libs why we like this Trump guy so much. First SMUSoff, he tells it like it is. He doesn’t need fancy long words to get his point across. He makes us feel like he’s one of us. Always makes us feel like he’s talking straight to us hard working white folks. With Mr. Trump we never feel like there’s any shading of the truth. We especially like the fact that he doesn’t seem to read a lot and get his mind all mixed up with facts. Everything comes straight from his gut. And he doesn’t let any of those so-called experts change his mind. He knows what he knows and that’s it. Matter of fact, he says straight up that he knows just about everything there is to know about everything.

And we sure as hell agree with Trump about not liking all that socialism crap. We conservatives expect to pay for what we get. You know, like Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security and such. And same with Bubba’s Veteran stuff. He earned all that “after care” you know, even if he didn’t ever leave the U.S. And anyway, what difference would it make if we didn’t have all that stuff? There’s bound to be an emergency room somewhere. We pay for that too you know. At least we’re pretty sure we do. And while we’re on the subject, why do we have to keep paying all those property taxes for education? We don’t have any kids in school. What’s going on? Hey, if you’ve got kids in school, how ’bout YOU pay for them! I swear, pretty soon you Dem Libs and your socialism are gonna take away every last chance we have to go bankrupt, blue-collar or early dead!

And what about all that phony climate and enviro crap you libs keep trying to shove down our throats? What’s with all the propellers and mirrors bull? Mr. Trump isn’t into it and that’s sure as hell good enough for us! Why should we be protecting other people’s spaun? For cryin’ out loud, if you Dems are so worried about your kids’ and grandkids’ future health, how ’bout YOU pay for it! Meantime, up from God’s earth comes a bubblin’ crude and that’s plenty good for us. And besides, why do you think God planted all those trees? Especially down there around that Amazon river place.

Did we mention that we also like how Trump picks plain old ordinary people like us to give him advice and head up his important government and regulating positions. Sure makes folks like us feel good knowing that everything is in the best possible hands available. Gives us a feeling of being up close and personal with our leaders and lets us know that solely OUR best interests are behind everything he does. And don’t forget that the Pres says he is a really smart guy. Who would know that better than he does?! Believe us, this guy Trump is the real deal, a real man of the people.

And, hey, what about that tax bill! Not really sure how much we’re actually going to get out of it (we’re thinking about taking an extended cruise with the windfall) but Trump said it was all about helping the middle class and how much they are going to love it so I know we’re going to be the ones who benefit most. I swear, no president in history has ever cared so much about people like us! You know, “More dough for the average Joe” would be absolutely perfect for his next campaign slogan! What a guy!

And we sure do like the way he’s handling this corona thing. So what if he was a little slow getting started on it. Just because China and Europe were busting out with it didn’t mean we were gonna be. Don’t forget, he had getting re-elected to think about too. And what’s the big deal with testing and staying inside anyway? Neither one of us have any ill feelings. Anyway, Mr. Trump says not to worry because everything is under tremendous control. Plus, he says he’s got a really good feeling that some existing drugs are probably soon going to put an end to all of it anyway. Hell, he’s the Pres. Who knows more about what’s going on and what’s best for us than him?

Oh yeah, did we mention how much Bubba and I particularly like the way Trump doesn’t take any guff from ANYONE, not even state governors or so-called “smart people” who look like they can back up their guff with facts. Top of his “wanted list” are uppity journalists who ask what he calls “snarky” questions. The Pres. doesn’t let ANY of them walk away in one piece. You take a swipe at him, he hits you back with a hundred cannons and doesn’t stop until you cave and shiver in fright. And believe me, you’re toast from that point on. Doesn’t matter who you are. Even if you’re part of his administration, you give him some flak, you’re history! Okay, once in a while a ballsy one will kind of stand up to him, but hell, he just stops talking to them! I tell you, he’s one tough nut!

But most of all we like the way he’s protecting this country for us native born. Protecting us from those gangs of rapists and drug and disease spredders trying to overrun us from all those countries that can’t even speak English. Hell, don’t forget, we’re the ones who deserve all that welfare stuff to begin with, not those usurper aliens that don’t even look like the rest of us. So, God bless and Keep America Great for us real Americans! We’re Bubba and Bubbette and we sure do approve of this message.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up later stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.