SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Don’t Cry For Kristjen

Illustration by DONKEY HOTEY< /font>

BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Kirstjen Nielsen, the unceremoniously axed Homeland Security Secretary, doesn’t want you to cry for her. Well, don’t you worry that morally vacant, Auschwitz-train-platform-reminiscent, blackened heart of yours, Kirstjen, I won’t shed a tear (the Trump administration has admitted that it could take another TWO YEARS to locate and reunite all of the children separated from their families). SMUSAlthough that’s not the sole reason for this rant, it’s definitely concurrent. Actually, Kirstjen’s appalling acquiescence and far-from-sufficient “just deserts” serve as near perfect illustrations of the malevolence and mismanagement that lurks in every corner of this pig-ignorant, incompetent, morally degenerate Trump administration. Have you any idea how many TOP-LEVEL Trump appointees and advisors have been forced out of or chosen to depart this administration … in a little over TWO YEARS?! Have you any idea how many TOP-LEVEL positions still remain UNFILLED?! Folks, those absolutely astonishing numbers are currently 63 and 140 respectively … and COUNTING! Please note that we’re not talking about the lack of a zoning officer here or there, we’re talking about the Trump administration’s deplorable numbers of missing HIGH-LEVEL consequential federal policy formulators and decision makers!

Well, thank God, at least we now know, directly from the moron’s mouth itself, precisely the kind of standard the president has established for those he does choose for appointment to high-level positions within his administration: Ivanka Trump Kushner. Yep, that’s right. No finer a judge of human capability on the planet than the Chump in Chief himself recently stated, and I quote: “I considered Ivanka to lead the World Bank because she’s very good with numbers.” Well, I’ll be damned! Little did I know that my grandsons qualify for not just high-level U.S. Government appointments, but “world-level” positions as well! Who knew?! With that in mind, can it not be surmised that Trump was so impressed with Scott Pruitt’s astonishing ability to distinguish between lilacs in bloom and the waftings from landfills, that he immediately selected him to head the EPA?! And, can it not be presumed that Trump was so taken with Herman Cain’s extraordinary prowess at spinning pizza shells, he knew immediately he wanted him to play a roll in formulating federal “dough” policy?! [*winces* — The Ed.]

And that’s not the end of the story by a long lapsus linguae. Given his past performance, is it not within the realm of possibility that upon learning of the rampant touching, groping and kissing without consent alleged to have taken place within the AccuWeather organization, Trump quickly determined that its head misogynist, Barry Myers, would be the perfect choice to, dare I say, “grab” the reins, whips and chains at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration?! Okay, last and for any number of reasons certainly not least, I believe the rumor can now be substantiated that when confronted with the terms “incompetence,” “negligence” and “conflicts of interest” regarding his cabinet appointments, our fearless fatheaded leader replied that bladder leakage, a woman’s night clothing, and family budget squabbles were nobody’s damn business but the parties concerned. And through it all, Trump’s lemmings, both low-IQ and lowdown, continue to demonstrate their inability to smell, think and chew gum at the same time. Or, as the late, great, sagacious newsman, Edward R. Murrow, so 2019ishly signed off nightly, “Good night, America, and good luck.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up later stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.