Illustration by MARK BRYANT
BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Hi there. Me again. Just checking to make sure you’re all right. I mean, have you gotten help after that wacked out, absurd and really quite asinine little tantrum you let loose with on Friday? Wow, that was a doozy. I was concerned that the EMT folks might not get to you in time. Did you make it to Walter Reed before you went into shock? Are you still hospitalized? Sure hope you get some “experienced” attention. The only reason I say “experienced” is, well, how do I put this delicately? It’s just that I’m thinking that when it comes to treatment it’ll probably take some real mental health “expertise” to be able to differentiate between your normal yet-to-develop pubescence, and Friday’s infantile shit fit. Gimme an up-date, okay?
So, anyhoo, what I want to talk to you about this time around is that flock of racist, praying-for-the-return-of-
But, actually it’s not them I want to get after nearly so much as it is the spineless, self-serving, never-met-a-responsibility-
Incidentally, do you remember (well, of course you don’t in as much as it’s no doubt all you can do to remember your last cabinet appointment) all that fucking hypocrisy you vomited forth about how Obama could certainly be impeached for all those “unconstitutional” executive actions he was taking vis-à-vis immigration policy. Okay, that’s about it for now. Stay Fox News savvy and well read. Tell Ann, Sean, Lou, Laura and Rush I said, “Hi”!
P.S. If you get a chance, maybe you could give a thought to the more than half a MILLION Americans–many of them with young children–who’ll go to sleep homeless tonight in that Make America Great Again figment of that elitist, xenophobic, monocratic imagination of yours in which you can’t bring yourself to even WHISPER so much as a single fucking word, compassionate or otherwise, about their plight. Maybe you’d consider including them among your charitable foundation’s bequests? Oh, that’s right, the New York Attorney General is forcing you to shut it down because of corrupt uses and practices. I probably should have hit you up sooner. My bad.
P.S.S. Is upstairs at the White House warm and cozy? Nighty Night! Tuck Barron in tight!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up later stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Beloved uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.