SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Fire On The Bayou

Trump Swamp


BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Yesterday’s election returns were a resounding renunciation of Trumpism and its malcontents and another indicator that 2018 is shaping up to be not just a wave election, but a tidal wave election. But this is no time to become complacent, stay angry, there is much to do, many sandbags that need filling. The swamp is reaching flood stage and sewer-like SMUStoxicity.  That stench burbling up from the Trumpian swamp isn’t just making us sick, folks, it is literally killing us! And sadly, that White House degenerate of ours had to look no further than the State of Oklahoma’s little cabinet of horrors to find himself the kind of sty mate who’d promise to bring a “final solution” to Obama’s clean air, clean water, and clean power initiatives. Said fellow soiler’s name is Scott “The Pimp” Pruitt and prior to his appointment as chief of the Dumpster’s re-christened Environmental POLLUTION Agency, Scottie’d been spending every waking hour of his godforsaken tenure as Oklahoma’s Attorney General, 1) denying, blocking, obfuscating and/or litigating against anything and everything that even remotely hinted at the existence of human-caused climate change (he had sued the agency no fewer than 13 times in a concerted effort to end its very existence) and, 2) proudly and openly shilling for a who’s who of the fossil fuel industry. As expected, since his appointment he’s spent every waking hour of his reptilian term attempting to completely destroy the agency and turn it into the USA’s equivalent of the KGB, all the while flying to and from home on weekends on the public’s dime! Although some might equate this Trumpian miasma with selecting a fox to guard the hen house, I’d argue that it’s much more akin to awarding Harvey Weinstein the title of “honorary” chaperone of the Miss Universe pageant (sound familiar?!).

And then there’s that “confounded” Paul Manafort “situation.” Good God, can things get any slimier or smellier even for a confirmed sewer dweller like Donnie than having his despicable former Campaign Chairman get indicted by his numero uno nemesis, “that Mueller guy,” for having committed such uber serious, lowlife, cesspool-centric, dirty, filthy, scum-laden, white — and otherwise — collar crimes as would make even the likes of a Roy Cohn blush. And true to the self-serving simpleton that he is, the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Cohn clone couldn’t run farther and faster from the guy he had previously complimented as being “a good man, a very decent man” than if he’d had a jet pack strapped on his back! To hear the Dumpster tell it you’d have thought their only contact had been a chance meeting in a bar over martinis consisting solely of a 10 minute conversation about their favorite tax shelters after which they’d never set eyes on one another again! As you’re no doubt aware, Washington attachments are famous for the strength and length of their bonds … yuk, yuk! Apparently such “minor” roles as Campaign Chairman et al. escaped exception. And the agent orange swamp gas grows more toxic with every gurgle.

So, what do you think about POTUS (that’s a particularly Trumpian initialism representing Peddler Of Totally Useless Sh*t for all you non-college, bigoted, angry white folk who voted this moronic degenerate into office) immediately spreading lies and playing phony politics with the murders of eight and serious injuring of 12 by a scumbag terrorist in New York? Such a truly “Presidential” reaction, right? Jesus, can you get any more callous, any more crude, any more goddamn IGNORANT than this swamp sleaze farting discompassionate toxic gas following a national tragedy?! Meanwhile such mere life and death matters as the nation’s flood insurance program nearing total collapse, and its overseer FEMA being completely overwhelmed and going broke roll on. Never mind that Puerto Rico is in a state of dire desperation and all the Twit In Chief can do is complain! By the way, Donnie, how are you making out with your love affair with Putin? I see where also your buds the Flynn boys are about to get indicted in the Russian collusion investigation. I swear to God, how much longer can the nation’s best interests withstand this incompetent traitorous piece of sludge? There isn’t an American citizen who shouldn’t be asking himself or herself that very question!

Oh, lest I forget, when do you suppose we are going to get a leader and an administration in this country with the guts, the bravery, the courage, the common decency, the dauntlessness and the strength of CHARACTER to put the very LIVES of Americans before the financial interests, the political extortion, and the appalling fear tactics of the National Rifle Association?! How many thousands more innocent Americans have to be murdered?! How many thousands more innocent Americans have to be seriously maimed?! Our Oval Office Agent Orange says it has nothing to do with guns, that it’s all simply a matter of mental health, and accordingly has made it easier for the mentally unbalanced to acquire firearms! Dear God, I expected a numbskullian response, but certainly not outright criminal negligence! Did you know that Americans bought 27.5 MILLION firearms last year — one gun outlet sold 30,000 AR-15 assault rifles in just ONE WEEK?! For God’s sake, can ownership of private tanks, artillery pieces and nuclear-tipped missiles be far behind?! That’s not a silly rhetorical question, folks, it’s a deadly serious one!

Finally (for now), the White House’s Moronic Degenerate has now decided that people who came to this country legally TWO DECADES ago should now be sent back to the murderous, tyrannical, war, weather and criminally decimated countries from whence they came, some 2,500 of them with another QUARTER MILLION on deck. Never mind that the children of these folks are American Citizens! Never mind ripping these families to shreds! Never mind that these families have established PERMANENT roots here! Never mind that these families have been paying taxes here for DECADES! Never mind that the vast majority have obeyed our laws, played by our rules, and tried their best to be good CITIZENS! And, for sure, never mind that these people have human — and humane — feelings, hopes, dreams and aspirations ingrained in them through TWO DECADES of inculcation with all that America is SUPPOSED to stand for! Jesus, God, how and why do we continue to breed such racists and bigots, such crass, callous, uncaring, self-serving HATERS at the highest levels of our government and citizenry at large?! Break out the sign, Swamp Creature, and display it proudly front and center on your Oval Office desk: “Dishonesty, inequality, injustice, immorality, corruption, racism, bigotry and treason start here!”

In closing, here’s an open challenge to all you Trumpian Swampers and Swampettes out there who’re hoping for even more gruesome gurgling from our Sluiced-up Twit In Chief: I want you to name just ONE SINGLE BENEFICIAL THING that the Republican party has done for the American people since Emancipation! That’s all, just ONE! And, yes, I’ve purposely chosen “Emancipation” for the starting line because it’s an action by a Republican president that likely didn’t set off any bells, whistles, whirling fireworks wheels or confetti drops for your kind in the first place! So, take your time. No hurry at this end. I full well recognize that attempting to produce proof of the existence of the non-existent can indeed present a real predicament for fake fact forgers like yourself and the rest of your phony, fabricating, faux ilk.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.