SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: The Case For Illegitimacy



BY WILLIAM C. HENRY This just in: Donald J. Trump announces that the November results give him an unequivocal “mandate” to govern, and to do so as he sees fit.

First and foremost: I’ll take those assertions as your attempt at jocularity, Mr. Trump. But as you SMUSand I both know, the closest thing you’ll ever get to a “mandate” is probably a clandestine “man date” with your equally pseudo-macho boyfriend in his private Kremlin bathroom. So, how about we clarify a few things right up front: 1) You did NOT win the election, in fact you LOST it by nearly 3 MILLION VOTES, 2) what you won was the Electoral College vote — and you took full advantage of all the “outside” help you could get just to win that — an anti-democratic archaic vestige of antebellum American politics which has about as much to do with Presidential legitimacy as Goldman Sachs year-end bonuses have to do with “earned” income. Facetious? Slightly. But, hey, we haven’t had such an absurd, imbecilicly treacherous President since the days of Grant, Harding, and “dubya”.

Second: As you peruse this article, folks, keep reminding yourselves that you haven’t seen Donny’s tax returns yet. But then, almost immediately, start getting over it, Why? Because, trust me, you are NEVER, EVER, going to see The Donald’s tax returns! Did I mention, N O T  E V E R?! Sorry, Angry White American, but that’s what you get when your choice is, a) a thumb-sucking, thin-skinned, deadbeat President who isn’t worth anything even approaching the billion$ he says he is, b) he doesn’t actually pay any taxes and lives in constant fear of his phoniness being exposed, c) he’s a perennial tax cheat whom the IRS feels obliged to audit “every year” (Trump’s own words), and d) he’s got some really, really shady Putin/Russia connections he’d very much prefer the voters forever remain in the dark about.

Third: Trump’s inherent and arrant racism, bigotry and derisiveness — doctrines and actions that belong in the Oval Office about as much as you do, Donny Boy. Remember the filthy, phony, excremental lies that you so proudly promulgated concerning the locale of President Obama’s birth and hence his Presidential “legitimacy”? Well, I do. It was truly one of the most disgustingly evil episodes in the shameful history of American prejudice. You knew that the entire matter was a colossal baldfaced lie from the beginning, but you persisted in its promotion and propagation. Such an effort to illicitly delegitimatize an honorable sitting President — black or otherwise — is alone sufficient evidence to confirm the illegitimacy of a Trump Presidency. And, too, let us never forget Trump’s disgusting derision directed towards a handicapped New York Times reporter for having had the temerity to challenge the then candidate’s monstrous misquoting of the author’s description of the actions of a few Muslims at the time of the 9/11 catastrophe.

Fourth: The misogyny. “I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it, you can do anything … grab them by the pussy.” Some still refer to it as the sexual imbroglio heard ’round the world!. Within days the world’s radio, television and print media were awash in a history of some of the most vile, most disgusting verbal and overt male chauvinism ever to justifiably besmirch the reputation of a man, a candidate, a President-elect — or a President — in American history! I’m quite certain nothing more need be said.

Fifth: Temperament (more specifically in this case, mental age). Dear God, where does one begin with this one?! There have been some pretty exhaustive studies of the Trump personality, none of which to my mind have opened any observant eyes and/or attentive ears to anything they hadn’t already taken in. In essence, the country is now being led by a man-child. A silver-spooned from birth, petulant, thin-skinned, uber narcissistic, immature, insecure, spoiled brat no one has ever had the courage to say “no” to. He has always been, and will most certainly remain, surrounded by politically rewarded, spineless “yes” men and women whose very jobs depend upon their willingness to turn blind eyes to their boss’s stark nudity.

Sixth: Vultures of a feather will always flock together. Trust me, all the repulsive billionaire and Goldman Sachs/Wall Street-banking Cabinet Secretary and entourage-level appointees on earth won’t buy you legitimacy. Odious try. No need to amplify or embellish here, I swear to God, you can literally watch the swamp’s depth indicator climb as it rises above the stench.

Lastly (and most certainly not least): The lies, the lies, the lies. Donald Trump doesn’t simply tell lies — literally every statement, every word, that crosses his lips is a lie. Luckily with “Trumpspeak” you are never placed in a position to have to discern truth. If he says it, you already know it’s a lie. America’s voters are accustomed to hearing their candidates, nominees, Presidents-elect, and Presidents, lie, Donny Boy, it’s just that this time three million more than half of them weren’t nearly as ignorantly accepting of such as you would have them be. Did I mention that this illegitimate man-child President simply can’t stop lying?!

I’m going to wrap this up by asking you to take a moment to read what I consider an extremely well written, short, simple, straightforward piece by Heather Wilhelm for Real Clear Politics back in May of last year. I readily concede that it sums up much of what I’ve had to say in a more crisp, concise and enjoyable manner than I could ever have hoped to. Click here.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.