SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Swamp Monster-In-Chief



BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Good God, the stench is overwhelming! It’s the damn swamp again, folks. Lordy, the stink is absolutely stomach-churning! I know, I know, — yes, he definitely said he would SMUSdrain it, — but it looks like he’s changed his mind; says he’s weary of the expression and wants all talk of it halted. In fact, he just recently felt compelled to bitch-slap his close buddy and confidant, Newt “Lissotriton Vulgaris” Gingrich for having tweeted some questions regarding the lingering odor.

But WAIT! Apparently the swamp draining project is still on (methinks the noxious fumes gurgling up from the decaying hypocrisy, heinousness and incompetence he’s already dumped into it have finally overcome even the illegitimate President-elect himself). This just in: Trump has smacked Gingrich … again! This time for Newt having reported that the draining project was now OFF while his boss was telling everyone that he had, in fact, NEVER ABANDONED IT! I’m telling you, folks, it’s looking more and more like we won’t be able to keep tabs on the current state of “transition” putrefaction without ongoing live views of the swamp and its depth indicator.

Silly prattle? Hardly. We’re talking about a man who promised faithfully he would do things differently. A heretofore bankrupt character who gained and retained a loyal (albeit easily taken in) following by constantly assuring them that his administration, his “people,” his approach to governance, were going to be different from the ones they had grown to distrust and disdain so. He would be a President of and for the middle class and the used-to-be middle class, the job losers, the scrapers, the clawers, the barely-getting-byers, the overlooked and the forgotten, the always-played-by-the-rules-but-knew-there-was-a-separate-set-for-the-wealthy-and-politically-connected, and the never-failed-to-pay-their-fair-share-in-but-were-certain-they-got-short-changed-whenever-it-was-on-the-way-out.

Well, so far this so-called “covenant” of tRUMP’s has turned out to be every bit the spiteful, splenetic, shove-it-up-your-ass, bald-faced trump-drain-the-swampCONTRADICTION that it was all too expected to be. To begin with, you sure as hell don’t “drain the Washington swamp” of its tarnished antique silver soup-ladlers, its revolving door Goldman Sachsers and their fellow felonious Wall Streeters, and its all too established, entrenched and intransigent multi-term “safe” state and district panderers, by priming the pump with INCLUSION!

So, what about our illegitimate President-elect’s appointee competence and suitability? You know, it’s truly mind-boggling — and a whole lot of “stick this where the sun doesn’t shine” — that tRUMP could show such total disdain for America’s collective intelligence and welfare as to appoint such an assortment of low-lifes, imbeciles and altogether-ANTI-the-purpose-and-role-of-the-position-they’re-there-to-protect-and-fulfill to principal Cabinet-level and advisory posts.

For starters, how about appointing as your Chief Strategy Advisor — one of the persons CLOSEST and of most INFLUENCE to the President — a known racist, bigot, anti-Semite, misogynist, homophobe and all-around deplorable “hater”! This guy has never met a minority, female, “democratic” philosophy, or altruistic idea or movement that he didn’t want to tarnish or demolish. Hostility, division, and loathing are his stock-in-trade! Trust me, tRUMP found this fellow at the BOTTOM of the swamp!

How about appointing a guy who wants to KILL the Department of Energy as Energy Secretary?! For Chr*st’s sake, even after having been afforded repeat attempts to do so during a wannabes’ Presidential debate, this numbskull still couldn’t remember the name of the department (THIS one) he was so resolutely promising he would consign to the garbage heap immediately upon taking the oath of office! Oops!Or, how about appointing a gal who’s dead set on ELIMINATING public school education as Secretary of Education?! She is, however, very adept at writing big fat checks to the campaign coffers of right wing causes and candidates — especially one Donald J. tRUMP.

How about appointing a man whose entire being has been devoted to accomplishing the DEMISE of a two-state solution to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict as Ambassador to Israel?! Rarely has there been a more stunning example of bigotry “tRUMPing” benevolence!

draintheswampHow about appointing a racist U.S. Senator to be Attorney General?! A guy who in previous years ranted and raged about and mercilessly harangued Presidential appointees for having provided “incomplete” background information about themselves for Senate confirmation review purposes when, in fact, this atrocious tRUMP AG appointee HIMSELF is currently in the process of being SEVERELY CHASTISED for having withheld literally DECADES of HIS OWN background information from the review process! I swear to God, you can’t make this sh*t up!

How about appointing a steadfast, proudly proclaiming climate change DENIER as Environmental PROTECTION Agency Administrator?! A man who’s spent a lifetime as head lapdog/lackey for the oil and gas industries! A man whose chief goal in life is to successfully SUE the EPA back to the Stone Age! Are you serious?! This isn’t just being spiteful, it’s being downright malignant!

Actually, all you need do is follow the money. Believe me, no amount of Dawn could get rid of the reek that must have permeated the stockings tRUMP used to stuff this oligarch-like herd of key appointees into. I mean, we’re talking about hosiery hefty enough to hold over 14 BILLION dollar$ (that’s Billion with a capital B) worth of top 1 percenters … and, God forbid, he’s still a got a drawerful yet to fill! So, why on earth would any person, and I mean ANY person, continue to believe that the tRUMPster, a man who since birth has never known ANY kind of life other than one immersed in unimaginable luxury, give a Lamborghini’s honk about the best interests of ANYONE other than himself and those of his ilk?! Come on, folks, you’d have to be delusional.

Indisputably, the vast majority of us could easily have been spared the results of this sham election. All that needed to happen was for a portion of the otherwise conned voters to have exercised a modicum of personal honesty, intelligence, social conscience … and, above all, integrity. They didn’t and America no doubt has been severely damaged, perhaps irreparably.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.