THE UNIVERSE ACCORDING TO CHARLIE: The Hallmark Channel Is Totally Ruining Christmas!



Charlie-head-shotBY CHARLIE C. Ah, yes. The season is here, and has been for the last 13 days, I think. Mistletoe hung where you can see, jingle bells, and promise of a holly, jolly, Christmas. But, this holiday is somewhat due to be overcast by the bad, and by that I mean Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. I HATE THEM!!! There are two channels, on right now, devoted in their entirety to display the worst movies that were ever made in the time on this here earth. And the worst part is is that wherever I go, they are playing somewhere.

Every one of the movies is normally the same thing. A single parent raising kids is threatened to lose their job, and of course they are living in homes that could easily cost a couple million and are worried financially, until they meet a man/woman who will change their lives, and don’t admit they love each other until the end, where the next movie can play that is basically the same thing. I know how it goes. It is just infuriating. Why can’t It’s A Wonderful Life, or Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer be on, instead of that undeserving low-lived trash? Why can’t I ever find Home Alone or Mrs. Doubtfire (even though it is not a Christmas movie it just has to be said) on? This has all drawn me to the conclusion that Hallmark should only be a store that sells items for 10x the cost of which they would normally be sold at, instead of a channel that is only ever on during the holiday season and shouldn’t even.

I just want to see a Hallmark movie that is based on a rich woman who makes his employee work during Christmas and then gets visited by spirits who show him the life he is living, shown through the past, present, and future, then changes and saves a little boy’s life. It will be called A Christmas Song, and it will be the most brilliant, original title on air. Why can’t Hallmark do something like that, and get Frank Sinatra to do a singing/dancing number? Wait… Frank Sinatra is dead?!  JUST EVERYTHING ON THAT CHANNEL BESMIRCHES THE ONCE WONDERFUL TITLE OF CHRISTMAS AND NOW I’M REALLY SAD!!!!!!!!! Alright, well, I’m done for tonight. I am alone in the kitchen typing this and I just watched a movie trailer for that film Krampus, and it scared the heck out of me, so I am going to do a little bit of late reading and dig in on my copy of Moby Dick. MORE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Like any normal 10 year old kid from Haddon Heights, he goes to school, loves his dog, likes Minecraft and leaves a mess wherever he goes. He also writes better than most adults and has keen insight into the human psyche that borders on the paranormal. If this kid can keep his head on straight, he is going places. You can check out his blog THE UNIVERSE ACCORDING TO CHARLIE.