SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Six Years A Slave

Illustration via ETHAN PERSOFF*

BY WILLIAM C. HENRY So the leader of the haven’t-done-a-goddamn-thing klan is gonna sue the President for actually getting something done because the leader of the haven’t-done-a-goddamn-thing klan wants to make it look like he and the klan are actually doing something regardless of how maliciously racist and/or utterly moronic that something may be. Confused? Don’t be. The only “something” Boehner wants to get done is to pile another layer of elephant dung on a black President in order to shore up the Republican base’s intolerance and divert attention away from the party’s ongoing abhorrent Congressional do-nothingness.

While the overall storyline of this immorality play entails a political doctrine known as the Separation of Powers, the act in question involves a Presidential prerogative known as Executive Orders and what a duplicitous Speaker of the House deems an acceptable number of, and impetus for, the issuance(s) thereof. Again I implore you to not be confused. Trust me, you don’t have to be Sherlock to pick up on the plot. It’s actually as simple as black and white. You see, it turns out that if you’re a President whose outward appearance falls, well, shall we say, to the “left” on the color spectrum and you find it exigent to issue Executive Orders, according to the Speaker, you’ve outreached your shackles. On the other hand, had you reflected a paler shade of Chief Executive, say on the “right” or Bush/Reagan end of the spectrum, there is absolutely zero chance that any such right wing racist bullshit as outlined above would have been initiated in the first place.

Now why would I possibly think that? Gee, could it be the fact that Reagan issued some 381 of those Executive Orders without so much as a Republican whimper or whine. Or perhaps that Dubya issued some 291 of them with nary even a tsk-tsk from the “right” side benchers. Yeah, you guessed it: Obama has exercised the prerogative 198 FEWER times than Ronnie did, and 108 FEWER times than Georgie Boy (that’s a total of 183 for Obama for you arithmetically challenged blue-staters). Yes sir, it’s a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, trying to ferret out what “dark” mischief is afoot here. Oh, Mr. Holmes, where are you when we need you so desperately?!?

I’ll say one thing for Republicans, they’re definitely “equal opportunity” misanthropes. Hell, they hate everything. They hate the aged and the infirmedwomenchildren (especially the underprivileged variety), the middle class, the poorminorities (especially ones who vote), just about anyone displaying a black or tan tint (especially Presidents and persons of Spanish extraction), alternative lifestylesnon-evangelicals, and, oh yeah, the environment (mostly trivial things like fresh air, potable water, etc.). Come to think of it, that pretty much leaves only the wealthy and the powerful. Well, I’ll be damned. Who knew?

Equally despicable has been their willingness to sacrifice America’s lower and middle classes in service to this hatred for a black President. It wasn’t enough that The Donald, the Republicans’ bigot/bilge-sucker in-chief, continued to blow the racist dogwhistle of Birtherism long after the White House’s high profile release of incontrovertible notarized, long-form proof of the President’s citizenship, he was still able to garner rounds of applause on the subject earlier this year from the party’s movers and shakers at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). Unfortunately, that whole squalid affair is but a blip on the radar compared to the party’s constant anti-Obama efforts to block essential medical coverage to some 30 million Americans, and the party’s racism-based refusal to do anything whatsoever to put America’s Humpty Dumpty back together again after the greatest white collar theft of monies, goods and services ever perpetrated by any criminal cabal on any populace shattered this country into a million broke-ass pieces of politically- and racially-polarized despair.

Keep in mind these are the very same low lifes that would like to round up and permanently deport 11 million plus of some of the hardest working, most productive, most family-oriented men, women and children in the country. Most are brown or dark tan in color. Almost entirely they do the work that Americans are adverse to performing; sub-minimum wage, dirty, back-breaking, often hidden back-of-the-house jobs in industries such as fast food, hospitality, cleaning, landscaping, construction, and food gathering/animal processing. But, what the hell, if you’re willing to uproot millions of Hispanic families and send them back to some of the most godforsaken countries on the planet, I guess it’s not at all out of character for you to delight in the evisceration of the nation’s first black Presidency.

Folks, this is the political party whose business bible can best be described as “a study in the origins and ascendancy of avarice” and their personal-life one as a “faintly historical collection of myths and musings on the application and distribution of fear and loathing.” Selfishness and bigotry are their driving forces. I liken their duplicity and hypocrisy in all things spiritual to the Chinese and Japanese telling you with a straight face how much they truly revere nature while striving to rid the planet of every last elephant and rhinoceros walking its savannahs, and every last bluefin tuna swimming in its seas.

My friends, if you can’t see the truth behind these right wing purveyors of lies, sanctimony and alienation, these stewards of disdain (or worse) towards anyone other than their own kind, I’m sorry for you. If you can’t see them for the takers, users, and exploiters they are, I’m sorry for you. If you can’t see them for the two-faced, hypocritical deceivers they are, I’m sorry for you. Most of all, if you can’t see them for the haters, bigots and extremists they really are, I’m truly sad for you. Why? Because you too will surely be joining the ranks of the disenfranchised, the denigrated and the deprived should these bottom feeders ever gain complete control. Republicans are the Confidence Men of American politics, exploiting weakness, naivete and ignorance is their stock-in-trade. They are the masters of it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.

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