SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free; The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, Tempest-tossed to me I lift my lamp beside the golden door! F*ck You, I Got Mine!

BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Sure, I know it’s a question I’ve kicked around for years, but in light of Rep. Kantor’s election loss I’m willing to ask it yet again if only for its pure “irritation” effect. This time let’s direct it specifically to the real dolts within the Republican establishment (on the other hand, I suppose that description could aptly designate anyone within the Republican establishment these days), those hard-right oracles of lies, injustice and the un-American way; those so-called “influential” conservative media know-it-alls who profess to have all the answers so long as the questions don’t rise above the red-neck line. Yes, I’m talking about CoulterIngrahamBeck, LimbaughSchlaflyBollingLowryPalin, et al.. Oh, hell, you know the type.

So, here’s that prickly little deja vu query all over again: What do you propose we do about the 11 million+ illegal alien Latinos currently residing — most of them working — in these 48 contiguous states of ours? This time out how ’bout we dispense with the bullsh*t. Whataya say? How about offering up some honest, humane, real-life solutions. And I know it’s a stretch, but maybe you could try blending in a bit of plain old common sense. What’s that you say? None of you will even entertain promoting comprehensive immigration reform until the Obama administration agrees to illegal-alien-proof our entire southern border? Really? Not so much as a suggestion? Nothing? Lemme get this straight: you’ll offer up zero solutions to what YOU term a “national catastrophe” until and unless we construct and constantly surveil an impenetrable, unbreachable Great Wall of America some 1,933 miles long from the Pacific to the Gulf of Mexico? Oh, I get it. Since any such wall could never ever be tall enough, thick enough or long enough to halt illegal immigration, what an absolutely perfect pretext for forever withholding support for comprehensive reform. Wow, you guys and gals think of everything!

Nice try, but no piñata. You and I both know that that kind of “stonewalling” simply isn’t sufficient political sophistry to conceal your real line in the sand, i.e., your even more evilly moronic “amnesty over our dead bodies.” Seriously? You really want to see to it that all those hard working Hispanics who are already here — many of them for decades — NEVER be afforded the opportunity to become full-fledged American citizens? You really want to see to it that those 11 to 20 million (turns out NO ONE knows for sure just how many there are) human beings live out their lives in a constant state of dread? Keep in mind that these are the same human beings that perform all the dirty, sweaty, puny paying manual labor jobs that America’s go-getter youth and industrious unemployed would rather be caught dead than have to do. Yes indeed, those illegals are some real job robbers. Not to change the subject, but pray tell, just which loving, merciful, forgiving god is it that you kneel to each Sunday?

Of course, when your fan base consists of bigots, racists, extremists and fundamentalists it’s hardly surprising you’d agitate for a nation of barriers and dividing lines. Hell, the only melting pots you’ve ever favored are burning cauldrons. What you’d REALLY like to see happen is for each and every one of those 11 million+ illegals to be rounded up and sent back from whence they came. Really? For starters, the asininity of such a stance should be apparent even to malevolent right wing demagogues. Literally anyone possessing at least a modicum of common sense knows that just the physical accomplishment of such a barbaric undertaking would be utterly IMPOSSIBLE, not to mention that the costs (take note that this estimate was in 2010 dollars!) entailed would be inconceivably ATROCIOUS both financially and morally — recognizing, of course, Republican apparent inability to comprehend the consequences of almost comically expensive, grievously immoral actions!

No, what’s really going on here is a not so subtle display of deep-seated xenophobia (read: aversion to the colors tan, brown and black) exacerbated in large part by what Republicans might call “radical” impending changes in America’s demographics. By 2042 racial minorities will make up the majority of the American population; by 2060 white Americans will constitute only 43%! Obviously, that doesn’t bode well for  Republican party. In fact, as far as the executive branch is concerned, unless Republicans begin immediately to make some drastic course changes, their days of White House residency will be bygone. Even from a Congressional perspective American politics will soon be irreversibly altered. Understandably, however, that’s of little current solace for millions of illegal Hispanic immigrants. Even though hopes for a viable Republican political future are swimming against a growing, incessant tide, controlling interests in the House of Representatives still appear only too willing to go down with the ship. Can anyone recall just when it was that the Republican party and its media mouthpieces shifted from “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses …….. .” to “F*ck you. I’ve got mine, get your own”?

So, anyway, do I have a simplistic solution to this not nearly as complex a problem as it’s been made out to be? Yeah, maybe. How ’bout we start by telling the leaders of the countries of the illegals’ origin to start sharing the wealth. Countries like GuatemalaHonduras and El Salvador still concentrate 50% of their wealth in the hands of 10% of their populations, and the land holding ratio is god-awful. More than 75% of their populations live below the poverty line. Trust me, what with constant insurrections, gang intimidation and warfare, rampant corruption, skyrocketing unemployment, rampaging violent crime with Guinness Book Of World Records-worthy murder rates, and the kind of grinding poverty that makes subsistence farming in Appalachia look downright baronial, life for about 90% of the folks in question really sucks. And then, too, we might want to have an HONEST review of just how beneficial all that NAFTA crap has been for everyone other than the already-wealthy-and-determined-to-become-even-more-so parties who proposed and promoted its implementation. Oh, and this time perhaps we could see to it that at least a few pennies out of each of those fresh $250 million dollars we’re sending south ends up in the hands of someone OTHER than the oligarchs and the politicians. I know, but I guess I’ve always been a dreamer. 

Anyway, allow me to wrap up my feelings on the subject with a few of Sergio Troncoso’s choicest words thereon: “Again this week as I walked on Broadway, in front of giant photographs of voluptuous supermodels at a Victoria’s Secret mega-store, who was rebuilding the sidewalks? With sweaty headbands, ripped-up jeans, and dust on their brown faces? Their muscled hands quivered as they worked the jackhammers and lugged the concrete chunks into dump trucks. Two men from Guanajuato. Undocumented workers. They both shook my hand vigorously as if they were relieved I wasn’t an INS officer. I imagined how much money Victoria’s Secret was making off these poor bastards.I wondered why passersby didn’t see what was in front of their faces. We use these workers. We profit from them. In the shadows they work to the bone for pennies. And so it’s easy to blame them for everything and nothing simply because they are powerless and dark skinned and speak with funny accents. Illegal is illegal. It is a phrase, shallow and cruel, that should prompt any decent American to burn with anger.” DECENT pundits would, Sergio, DECENT pundits would.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.