LIFE LESSONS: A Pep Talk For OccupyPhilly

AP TICKER: I’m getting lots of letters about why I haven’t shown my face at any of the Occupy Philly protests. I wholeheartedly, endorse and support their endeavors and while I talk a good game about revolution and overthrow of this plutocracy, the sad truth of the matter is……..I’m a very very lazy man. As I have said many times before, my favorite hobbies are as follows, lying on my couch and being very very quiet. I and my couch bound brethren, represent a subset of The Greatest Generation that I have coined “The Lazy Generation” This true silent majority generally agrees with the Occupiers on practically every principle, but, we are kind of in the middle of watching “Breaking Bad” on Netflix instant and the parking down there looks like a bitch. So that’s why I need you all to work a little harder, to pick up the slack for jaggoffs like me who are stuck behind a mortgage and burdened with fear and debts no honest man can pay. Brothers and Sisters, I need you to march a little further and shake your fists a little harder so you can wake up the slumbering, apathetic and terrified masses. Its nice that a few thousand people are now actively protesting, it’s time to turn the heat up a bit so the rest of us, ALL OF US, will rise up with you.

On a side note, I often receive a mass email that asks the evil question.. Should welfare recipients have to take drug tests to receive their benefits?
Yes I say, Yes, They should! They should also have to take physicals and dental exams, and we treat and we heal them, compassionately. We the people are too big to fail, We are with you in your anger and You are just a few news cycles away from making actual change. So nudge me awake when that happens. Til next time folks, I’m AP Ticker and remember…those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

Scrapple TV is written by:
Jonathan Valania
Brenden Skwire
Scott Colan

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