SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Don’t Ask And Don’t Be A Dick

BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Don’t you just love it when the opposition party shows its true colors in public? The other day, during a publicized Republican presidential wannabes debate, when a gay active serviceman asked Rick Santorum how he would handle an individual such as himself (vis-a-vis repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell), many in the audience booed the soldier. Let me repeat that: They BOOED him! That’s right, they actually booed an active-duty American serviceman who is putting his LIFE on the line for those very same assholes day after day in Iraq! Of course, the fact that a large number of Republicans attending a Republican presidential wannabe debate would openly boo a serving American soldier who happens to be gay should no doubt be expected of that ilk. What was, however, to this humble eavesdropper, a wee bit unexpected was the disgusting nothing-zero-zilch-not-a-word deathly silent reaction to said booing by every last one of the top-office wannabes themselves! Can you imagine?! I mean, these are the guys who would have you believe that they’ve got the moral and ethical backbone to re-light this once great nation’s beacon of fairness, decency, equality, and justice.

Well, one thing’s for certain, you know that a subject is soaked with snake oil whenever Ann Coulter slithers in. Peruse if you will onegaysoldier_777221.jpg of her takes on the “righteousness” of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: “Soldiers, sailors and Marines living in close quarters who are having sex with one another, or used to have sex with one another, or would like to have sex with one another, simply cannot function as a well oiled fighting machine. A battalion of married couples facing a small unit of heterosexual men would be slaughtered.” Coulter goes on to say that this is not an “anti-gay position; it is a pro-military position” because “sexual bonds are disruptive to the military bond.” Holy shit! Cancel all service-related leaves to Bangkok! Stop recruiting anyone with a known romantic attachment, and get cracking on a military code banning conjugality for married servicemen and women on R&R! How in God’s name have we ever managed to win so much as a battle before?! Ann, please. Do you even know how human sexuality works? And what, pray tell, makes you — who to the best of my knowledge has a non-existent record of military service — an authority on military readiness? (And no, masturbating to Top Gun doesn’t count.)

Let the record show that the Israelis have permitted gays to serve openly in their armed forces since 1993. Guess what? The Israeli army is regarded worldwide as man-for-man (and for that matter, woman-for-woman) one of the most cohesive and baddest-ass military force ever to march!  Canada and Australia have allowed gays to serve openly for more than two decades, Britain for more than one. In each of these nations the prospect was originally met with varying degrees of “resistance.” But guess what happened when such “open” integration actually came to pass? Nothing. Not a thing. Nobody noticed, and certainly not the soldiers. And as best I can ascertain, no one has ever questioned the “cohesion” or fighting courage of those armed services since (at least not to their faces). As of 2009 (and for decades prior for many) some 41 nations are allowing gays to serve openly. You know, they say there aren’t any atheists in foxholes; I’m betting there aren’t many bigots as well. Good night John McCain, wherever you are.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.

1,801 = The number of Americans killed in action in Afghanistan
13,011 = The number of Americans  wounded in Afghanistan

0 = The number of financial industry kingpins indicted for having committed the most massive FRAUD in American history and wrecking the global economy, plunging untold millions into lives of misery and deprivation.

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