SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead


[Artwork by ALEX PREISS]

BY WILLIAM C. HENRY So, we finally got the scumbag. Am I happy? You bet your sweet ass I am! The only thing that could have made me happier would have been his being taken alive, shipped back in a cage, tried in a New York courtroom, found guilty, and publicly hanged (televised worldwide) at Ground Zero in front of a jeering crowd made up of every living relative and friend of every person who lost their life or suffered any harm as a result of the 911 attacks. I’d also have wanted a specially ShitMyUncleSays-FINAL_1.jpgplacarded “guests of dishonor” section reserved for all the government officials, including President Bush, who had ignored the literally dozens of verbal and written al Qaeda intercepts divulging the fact that terrorist attacks within the U.S. were imminent, and airplane hijackings were at the TOP of the list of probable means!

The FRONT row would have been saved for those who were provided, and chose to ignore, SPECIFIC factual details about six Middle Easterners who had enrolled themselves in flight schools here and notified the instructors that they were interested ONLY in “in-flight” piloting training! But, alas, as is the case with almost ALL internal government investigations whenever an embarrassing “exposure” raises its unwelcome head, we’ll never know any of the disgusting details surrounding THIS particular chapter of unbridled hubris and inconceivable criminal incompetence either, because the in-depth CIA investigative report identifying the bastards was NEVER made PUBLIC!. Can you spell C O V E R Y O U R A S S G O V E R N M E N T S E C R E C Y again?! Anyway, I think the “guests of dishonor” thing would have been a nice touch.

Regardless of MY feelings on the matter, I’m sure all of you I-can’t-wait-to-start-popping-those-cherries charmers out there busily readying yourselves for your ultimate Slim Pickens ride must have felt a bit deflated upon learning that your “patriarch of the put-upon” had himself been living the high life in a million dollar mansion a thousand miles away from the fray. No doubt that cave-sharing coziness and tree-limb kebob-cooking gets old pretty quick. Oh, well, cherish the memories!

On an extremely satisfying note for all of us non-birther types, isn’t it ironic and altogether fitting that the President the Right Wing so relentlessly ridicules as being “soft” on terrorism should be the very one to ultimately nail bin Laden’s butt! Jesus, how I’d like to watch those callow capture-the-flaggers choke on this crow sh _ t sandwich!

Anyway, was it all worth it? Hell NO it wasn’t! Those who would call 1,570 brave Americans’ lives (so far!), 10,468 brave Americans maimed (so far!), and 400 Billion American dollars (so far!) a fair trade for that bearded barrel of donkey dung are some really sick sons-a-bitches! For all of those who’ve already been sacrificed by the former (and current) “best and brightest,” never-learned-a-f _ _ _ _ _ g-thing-from-the-past, blood-sucking, sociopathic silverbacks, it’s mournfully to late. bin Laden was gotten exactly the way he could have and should have been from the get-go: with a couple of crack Navy Seal and/or Delta Force teams. Period. The rest of this unconscionable mission-creep nation-building abomination is PURE UNADULTERATED FEAR-MONGERING FACT-FABRICATED BULLSHIT! But, that’s just MY humble opinion.

So, are we all done over there? Surely you JEST! Ask yourself this: when has our government ever offered so much as an OUNCE of truth about its depth of commitment, extent of involvement, expected duration, or REAL reason for ANY of it?! I rest my case. Ten years ago they told us that the ONLY reason we were going into Afghanistan was to get bin Laden and destroy or dismantle al Qaeda. Well, folks, BOTH of these goals have been INCONTROVERTIBLY ACCOMPLISHED! Let the lying live on!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief. Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of the bullshit.

1,570 = The number of brave Americans sent home from Afghanistan in BODY BAGS.
10,468 = The number of brave Americans that have been seriously wounded in Afghanistan.
0 = To date the number of financial industry kingpins indicted for having committed the most massive FRAUD in American history.

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