Two Billion Royal Rubberneckers Can’t Be Wrong?

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Rebecca Goodacre Avatar_1.jpgBY REBECCA GOODACRE If you had asked any of my British counterparts a week ago their feelings on the Royal Wedding, I’m pretty sure they would have feigned utter disgust and scoffed at the mere thought of having anything to do with that blue blooded monstrosity.  Yet, television ratings from Friday say that the Royal wedding had a 70% share of viewers and an estimated 34 million Brits bore witness to the event, not to mention the extra million who turned up in London to watch the proceedings first hand.  Something’s not quite adding up. Now these aren’t 35 million rubber neckers, gawking at the train wreck they can’t wrench their eyes away from.  As anyone who has a clue about the British Royalty, these events are planned down to the tiniest horse manure cleaning employee.

 So these aren’t the same masses who claim they hate Snookie but still tune in every week to catch a glimpse of her ass cheeks as she lands flat on her face after 47 tequila shots.  No, I’m pretty sure the British public tuned in because, dare I say it, they were actually interested in this Royal extravaganza.  Even interested enough to buy over 120 miles of Union Jack bunting to decorate their viewing experience. You know those precocious little children who spend hours screaming “Look at me!  Look at me!” and  you eventually finally look?  And gawww, aren’t they actually kind of cute with their cartwheels and funny looking faces.  Well, that’s kind of how the Royal Wedding was. They spent six months telling the public how absolutely wonderful and spectacular this event was going to be, it’s kind of hard to resist looking, and, well to be honest, it was kind of pleasant, really.  However, much like the small child, now that we have finally given that ounce of attention they’re never going to shut up about it.  Bollocks. To give credit where credit’s due, the event really was quite magnificent.  

Westminster Abbey held 1900 guests to witness Kate in her piece of McQueen perfection walk up the aisle.  Designed by Sarah Burton, the creative director at Alexander McQueen, the dress was everything every wedding dress enthusiast had hoped for and more.  The delicate lace and simplistic designed made it timeless.  However, less can be said for the collection of cockatoo inspired guests which filled the halls around her.  A wide array of colorful head pieces donned the heads of her female guests; particular note goes to Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice who pulled out all the stops to make their heads appear as ridiculous as they could. And of course there were the TWO kisses on the balcony.  Yes, two kisses.  I know, absolutely bloody scandalous, what rogues.  But the crowds went wild.  Contrary to the mild mannered stiff upper lip, cynical stereotypes, just like anybody else, the British public can’t resist the fairytale ending.   What a bunch of cotton-candy stuffed saps we really are. Once the young Royals had returned inside the palace the British energy companies recorded a giant surge in power consumption.  A surge equivalent to 1 million kettles being boiled. Well nothing goes better with a rare day of national pride than a cup of tea?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Rebecca Goodacre hails from Norwhich, England. She is currently spending a year studying abroad at Temple and interning at Phawker.

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