SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Donald Trump Is A Giant Tool


[Illustration by ALEX FINE]

BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Folks, I tried for months to find at least one decent thing to say about this douchebag dictator wannabe, but, alas, I finally abandoned the project after being informed that even the “last rites” had written him off. Perhaps they too had found that: This is the self-styled history buff who discovered, much to the President’s barely disguised glee (heh, heh), that Hawaii isn’t a third world East African nation after all. This is the Obama ascension asperser (Google it) whose old man’s MONEY and INFLUENCE have made the line “I couldn’t have done it without you!” his complete autobiography.ShitMyUncleSays_FINAL.jpg

This is the would-be tight-fisted fiscal caretaker who lavishly leveraged, then blithely bankrupted his corporations FOUR times. This is the would-have-you-believe great “uniter” who refers to African Americans as “the blacks,” and proclaims with all the phony munificence he can muster that he’s always “gotten along with ‘the blacks’.”

Incidentally, have you noticed how critical the mainstream press has been of Donny Boy’s lies, libel, and innuendo? Probably not. If you blinked, you missed it. Seldom have I seen such opprobrious (Google it) pussyfooting on the part of our so-called “guardians of truth, justice, and the American way.” But I digress.

This is the self-proclaimed environment and property rights protector whose real-life “deeds” have left a trail of bulldozer tracks and broken promises from the Scottish seaside to the beaches of Baja. This is the Made-in-China-mocking/Buy-American-ballyhooing blowhard whose very own clothing line is made in guess where?!

If you’re reading this you are likely too young to remember another bucket of sh _ t by the name of Joseph McCarthy. He’s the long dead (God, what a glorious day it was when that slimy bastard finally succumbed!) U.S. Senator from Wisconsin (1947-1957) who “proudly” initiated and sustained what remains to this day one the most despicable, fear ridden 10 year periods in all of American history.

I suspect that Joe is all but forgotten now, but given the state of American politics these days, his is a memory that positively BEGS for resurrection. If you’re not familiar with him and what happened back then, I want you to research it. It’s not just important that you know, it’s IMPERATIVE! You see, we never believed that something like that could happen then either, and when it blessedly ended we certainly couldn’t imagine it ever happening again. Then along came The Donald.

So, over the course of the next year and a half, whenever you see or hear the name Trump, I want you to remember that this is the race-baiting, fear-mongering, truth-trampling, con artist cow pie who believes he can pimp, pander, and prevaricate his way to the highest office in the land. Consider yourself warned.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.


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