GAYDAR: Deconstructing Gwyneth On Glee

VANITY FAIR: When I heard that Gwynny was going to be appearing on the show—along with myriad commercials for her upcoming strong-willed-lady-in-country-music film creatively entitled Country Strong—I cringed and died inside. Not because I think, like most people, that Gwyneth is a talentless, affectless hack, who happened to luck into a few decent roles that called for skinny blond desperation. And not because I believe that celebrity cameos are the crystal meth of network television, fostering a euphoric bump in ratings followed by an increasing need for similar (and enhanced) euphoric bumps in ratings, followed by losing all your dignity and equities and ending up a toothless shell of your former self. And not because I worried that she can’t sing (hello, AutoTune). But because I thought that, in a play for the kind of sycophantic ingratiation they’ve made famous in the Madonna and Britney episodes, the writers of the show would do something stupid like have the kids stage a production of Shakespeare in Love and, surprise! Gwynny would appear as herself and teach them a lesson about Shakespeare and Love. Fortunately, this didn’t happen. And try as I did to steel myself against Gwynny’s middling charms, I couldn’t. MORE

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