Can a Clinton put party and country before raw ego and naked ambition, just this once? Let’s find out shall we? Our analysts tonight will be Amy Z. Quinn, aka Citizen Mom, recently converted Obama supporter/longtime Hillarycrat dead-ender, and Jonathan Valania, who was right about Obama, and most other things, all along. We join the action with Governor Brian Schweitzer at the podium…
JV: The Guv of Montana is a trip
AZQ: Oh god, not the bolo tie
10:21 PM JV: neck too fat to close top button
stay classy, Montana!
AZQ: the hardest button to button
JV: this is how he appeals to those fat voters who think Obama is too skinny to be trusted
AZQ: oh man that was such a ridiculous story
JV: that is out there tho
AZQ: gotta shore up that important cankle vote
10:22 PM JV: ha cankle vote
good one
10:29 PM JV: The gentleman from Montana is throwing fists
AZQ: big meaty steer-ropin’ fists
10:30 PM ZZZZIIIIIIINNNNGGGGG!
10:31 PM JV: he’s the Dem Black Bart
AZQ: “the most important barrel of oil is the one you don’t use”
nice
JV: Damn, Dems have needed a guy like this since forever
10:32 PM he’s like Ernest Goes To The Convention
seriously
a LOTTA rednecks are turning blue right now, nice to see a guy like him in Denver that is NOT packing heat and meth
AZQ: he’s chewing up the scenery
gonna whip off that bolo tie and rope some delegates
JV: nice line
Petro Dictators
10:33 PM get my wind and sunshine over my dead body
from my cold dead hands, cue theme from Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
JV: shoulda picked this guy for Veep
10:35 PM
fucking great
a real man
10:36 PM AZQ: HRC video starting now
10:37 PM JV: Van Clinton
AZQ: “she was able to play with the boys and yet earn their respect”
10:38 PM Amy Poehler!
JV: funny I don’t remember her rocking this hard on the campaign trail
10:39 PM one tough American cookie
AZQ: usually cookies get tough by overmixing
oh wait, she doesn’t bake cookies
10:40 PM
JV: who is that guy?
oh the NOMINEE
right right
I remember him
AZQ: Yeah the poor guy gets no attention
It’s sad how the media just won’t let him IN
10:41 PM JV: they gotta cut down on Chelsea’s doggie downers
maybe ‘doggie’ was a poor word choice
AZQ: Really good video
JV: yeah, can’t wait for the live album!
AZQ: Oh there’s Chelsea
Shit, I wish she’d turn to the side a little bit so I could see if those are Louboutins
10:42 PM What song is that?
JV: Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong?
AZQ: Nice suit but I don’t like the monochromatic look
Orange is the new black
JV: why Orange
hard not to look like pumpkin
10:43 PM Citizen: LOVE those Hillary script signs
JV: but I think she is pulling off
Citizen: Perfect color for not-quite-fall
Now, watch. She’s standing there getting the same applause others got but will be criticized for trying to steal the limelight
JV: ah, the point to nobody in the crowd and say hello
10:44 PM always looks good on TV
AZQ: Awwwwwww, Bill is mouthing “I love you, I love you”
teh luvz
JV: are you sure that was to Hillary?
ZING
AZQ: No, it was to me, fool
10:45 PM All day it’s been “what does she need to say”
AZQ: Here’s what: “Proud supporter of Barack Obama.”
“OK, G’nnight follks!”
10:46 PM JV: you see the look Michelle just shot her
AZQShe needs to directly address her supporters who are thinking of voting for McCain
JV: good start
keep it goin
10:47 PM AZQ: Seriously the Cspan cameras keep cutting away to Michelle Obama to see if she’s going to give Hillary the “bitch please” look
10:48 PM No way, no how, no McCain
“Barack Obama is my candidate and he must be our president.”
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
I hear she’s having it embroidered on the back of a jean jacket so you peope can see it all the time
JV: I wanna see her pull the lever for him
then I will be happy
10:49 PM that’s the the takeway line
is a good one
wow and she said it without melting!
10:50 PM AZQ: oh, what a world
She’s fucking nailingit
AZQ: eat it, Barry lover
JV: Nice mouth, you kiss your kid with that mouth?
JV: Did she just say The Traveling Asspants of The Wah-Wah Sisterhood?
10:52 PM
Citizen: She should make some kind of direct statement to the gayz
10:53 PM The “family of Democrats”
JV: what like, HELLO FRISCO!
something like that?
AZQ: toot toot, ahhh, beep beep
JV: there is a lttle Ethel Merman in her
all Merman in the soul
and shit
AZQ: they’re called balls, my friend
10:54 PM guarantee the big criticism of the speech is that it’s not enough supplication to Barry
JV: Supplication To Barry
sounds like a porn movie I rented once, and deeply regretted
AZQ: That’s what you people want.
10:55 PM JV: no, unity
no more passive aggressive Clintonian psychodrama
is that too much to ask?
10:56 PM AZQ: How about no more taking the bait dangled by people who sit around seeing if she mentions Obama during a private fundraising lunch?
Then write stories about when she doesn’t?
JV: still not melting, I am impressed
AZQ: “Were you in this campaign just for me?” HERE IT IS
10:57 PM JV: that cowgirl has a BIG pimple
and no, I am not talking about Hill
10:58 PM stump speech redux
yada, yada, yada
10:59 PM AZQ: No, you’re purposely tuning out
JV: her orange suit really pops against that blue backdrop
my name is Jonathan Valania, and I approve this outfit
AZQ: She’s talking about putting a DEMOCRAT in the White House
but you people only want to hear about putting Barry in the White House
JV: say it lady
11:00 PM i bet they have her wired so that Howard Dean delivers an electric shock when she goes to long without mentioning Obama
ZAP
Citizen: It’s like the morphine drip in the hospital
You have to mention his name every 30 seconds or you don’t get to push the button
Shoutouts to Michelle!
JV: saying ‘I am supporting Obama’ stops the pain
11:01 PM
11:02 PM
AZQ: This is a speech about why it’s important to put a Democrat in the White House, and I love it
JV: she really grew into her voice as a public speaker
I must say
AZQ: In case you people forgot, the Clintons BUILT this party
11:04 PM
JV: what was that, the Clintons GUILT this party?
AZQ: Ooooh, I am getting chills at this talk about the 19th Amendment
11:05 PM
JV: wow, I didn’t know Hillary was an escaped slave
what a bio!
11:06 PM nurses, firefighters, the army — all escaped slaves, too? What a world!
AZQ: No, she FREED the slaves
JV: how about freeing Obama?
AZQ: you’re a racist
me: start with freeing her delegates
11:07 PM I am just picturing Hillary running through the swamps
dogs barking, chains clanking
torches following
dragging Bill cuz he wants to lie down and nap
11:08 PM JV: so, good speech
I dont think she closed the door tho
AZQ: closed the door to what?
JV: on Hillary For President
11:09 PM AZQ: next you’re going to repeat the Glenn Beck line about how she’s really working AGAINST an Obama win so she can run four years from now
Why should she close the door?
JV: um, there is a little of that going on
AZQ: She’s not allowed to run ever again?
Because you said so?
JV: no
not what I mean
I don’t feel like she made clear to the Hillaryistas that the campaign is over
11:10 PM AZQ: you’re INSANE
JV: no they are
AZQ: She not only told them to vote for Obama, she told them WHY to vote for him
WTF else do you want her to do?
11:11 PM At a certain point she’s not responsible for their bad choices
JV: she started them
she continues to feed it
AZQ: how does she feed it?
JV: by what she doesn’t do or say
AZQ: the Hillary-hating media and the McCain camp feed it
not her
11:12 PM You’re setting her up as a scapegoat in case Obama doesn’t win
smells like sexism
JV: that was a foregone conclusion back when they gave the press the turban photos
11:13 PM AZQ: oh will you leave that shit behind?
people forget about that until you people mention it
JV: if only America would
AZQ: Look the bottom line is that tonight HRC went out there and not only told her supporters to votefor BHO, but WHY they should.
11:14 PM And she framed it in issues larger than her vs. him.
There is literally nothing else she can be expected to do.
As ALWAYS the Clintons will do what is good for the Democratic party.
(ok that last one was an exaggeration)
JV: glad I didn’t have to say it