BY DAVE WALK Lurking in the under belly of the second floor of Fergie’s Pub is a new comedy show called THE MINISTRY OF SECRET JOKES. The origins and purpose of the show are, naturally, very secretive, but we’ve managed to covertly infiltrate the premises to gather data on what really goes on behind closed doors. The show appears to be free of charge to the converted and begins around 9 PM Eastern Standard Time. It is hosted by one Doogie Horner, a local stand-up comedian. Horner appears to be forced to run the show against his will. In an effort to rebel, he offered to tell the audience a secret joke, which are, he informed the audience, forbidden by the Ministry to ever be told in public. But before he could get to the punchline, three thugs in suits approached Doogie and whispered into his ear. Doogie quickly stopped telling the joke and the punchline was never revealed.
What occurred next was stand-up comedy material from Philadelphia-based comedians. Brian Merusi talked about basketball camp, college, and karate with the charm that only a young redhead could produce. Pat Barker
communicated his opinions on street signs, coin fountains, and greeting cards, amongst other things. And Chip Chantry discussed his grandmother, the dentist and his guilty onanistic pleasures. Next, there was an Omniana battle between Barker and Kent Haines. Omniana is a brutish battle of wit and imagination in which each fighter draws a card that holds a brief description of an original character detailing his special abilities, weaknesses and history. The fighters than take turns stating the case for their character if they were to duel. Barker was the eventual winner by a narrow difference in votes from the audience. As now champion, he took time to call out young upstart Steve Gerben to challenge him next month. Gerben was not at the show, but their battle has been scheduled for tonight and promises to be intense.
As the crowd attempted to gather their bearings, there was more stand-up comedy. Haines was on stage again, this time to talk about Vitruvian Man tattoos, Pop Rocks, and soccer announcers. Aaron Hertzog discussed Nickelodeon action game shows, the popular television show Lost and never learning how to fight. And John Kensil mentioned corn cob pipes, religious crank phone calls and 80 year-old twins. Recent intelligence shows that there will be another show tonight at the same location, Fergie’s Pub (1214 Sansom St.) starting at 2100 hours (9PM).