BREAKING: Valania Shitcanned! Meet The New Boss!


BY JONATHAN VALANIA Just kidding, but I will be traveling to Bogota, Columbia next week and filing dispatches from my adventures in the Amazon — as long as the free wireless in the jungle is as plentiful and reliable as I am assuming it is. In my stead, Amy Quinn, aka Citizen Mom, will be running the good ship Phawker. Her email is, please feel free to contact her with news tips, salacious gossip and idle flattery. Yes, I know Colombia is risky for American tourists, but I have instructed Amy to run a very flattering photo of me in the event of some kind of hostage drama with the FARC, god forbid. And I have instructed the Inquirer to do the same. Now, please behave for Miss Amy and be the same courteous and curious little ladies and gentlemen you have been all along. And yes, this will all be on the test.

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