TONIGHT ON CABLE TV! BiG TeA PaRtY’s Chew on This, written and hosted by Phawker Living Editor Elizabeth Fiend Monday, July 9th 8:53 PM Comcast channel 54 or 62
MISS NJ: I Got Yer Blackmail RIGHT HERE!
BY AMY Z. QUINN Officials from the Miss New Jersey Pageant have received a second package of photos from a blackmailer apparently trying to see 22-year-old Amy Polumbo stripped of her recently-won crown. Somebody call Sam Waterston — we’ve got the makings of a totally Jerz-tastic episode of “Law & Order” goin’ on. On Sunday, just as speculation began to heat up that maybe this wasn’t all a publicity stunt by Miss NJ herself, pageant officials said they got the second batch, planning to meet to discuss their next move at 2 p.m. Thursday. The spokesman for Miss NJ, the […]
BREAKING: THE WAR IS OVER!
REPEAT, THE WAR IS OVER! Not with a bang, or a whimper, but an anonymous-source trial-balloon inflated by the White House and tethered to the New York Times. We are NOT making this up. They will hem and haw, and Tony Snow’s already issued the non-denial denial, but our Spidey sense tells us it is no longer a question of if we leave Iraq, but when. Bearing in mind that even running round the clock convoys, it will take almost a full year to move all U.S. military assets out of theater — how soon is now? UPDATE: Secretary Of […]
FORT DIX 6: Judge To Put Terror Trial On The Internets
The judge handling the case — U.S. District Judge Robert B. Kugler — says he wants to make unprecedented use of the Internet and other technologies during the trial. The highlight of his endeavor: a public Web site on which all of the evidence would be posted as soon as it’s introduced in court. In this case, that could include video surveillance and audio wiretaps, as well as conversations secretly recorded by FBI informants. Legal and journalism experts say nothing similar has ever been attempted in the federal judiciary, and they said these moves could be the first step in bringing […]
LOVIN’ SPOONFUL: Summer In The City
For those keeping score: Hollywood Palace, September 24th, 1966. A very good year.
Governor Orders A State-Shutdown-For-Pussies
HARRISBURG – The furlough of thousands of state workers and the curtailment of many state services went into effect at 12:01 a.m. today. However, the Commonwealth Court quickly issued a preliminary injunction to keep casinos open until a hearing could be held tomorrow morning. Gov. Rendell announced the action at literally the eleventh hour — 11:20 last night — ending a day of speculation about what today would bring in Pennsylvania. While apologizing to state workers and residents for the action, the first furloughs in recent history, Rendell said he hoped that it was only a one-day situation. He said […]
SUNDAY FUNNIES: Peaceful Warrior
[courtesy of MARRIED TO THE SEA]
NEW YORK TIMES: Game Fucking Over
Editorial The Road Home It is time for the United States to leave Iraq, without any more delay than the Pentagon needs to organize an orderly exit. Like many Americans, we have put off that conclusion, waiting for a sign that President Bush was seriously trying to dig the United States out of the disaster he created by invading Iraq without sufficient cause, in the face of global opposition, and without a plan to stabilize the country afterward. At first, we believed that after destroying Iraq’s government, army, police and economic structures, the United States was obliged to try to […]
We Know It’s Only Rock N’ Roll But We Like It
SHOCK OF THE NEU: Fujiya & Miyagi, Johnny Brenda’s, Last Night BY JONATHAN VALANIA FOR THE INQUIRER Melody, lyrics, chord patterns — these building blocks of pop music composition are constantly being updated, re-invented or re-contextualized. Great leaps forward in rhythm, however, are fewer and farther between. The Bo Diddly beat and, say, the collected R&B works of James Brown, and for that matter, the entire genre of hip-hop, are prime examples of giant steps in rhythmic innovation. In the early ’70s a group of experimental German musicians, the so-called “Kraut-rockers,” which includes the bands Neu and Kraftwerk, moved beat […]
D’OH: Springfield, Pa. NOT Having A Cow, Man
[Fox] is searching for the Springfield with the most “Simpson spirit,” and plans to award the winner the premiere of The Simpsons Movie, due in theaters July 27. Unfortunately, there’s no need for local Springfieldians to rush out and rent tuxedos, because none of the 14 contenders is ours. Not the one in Montgomery or Bucks or Delaware County, or in Bradford, Erie, Fayette, Huntingdon, Mercer or York. D’oh! It turns out the Springfields in places like Massachusetts and Ohio outfoxed us: They asked to be considered. Donald Berger Jr., township manager of Springfield, Montgomery County, said the idea of […]
‘Help Me Obi-Wan, You Are My Only Hope’
A hologram of Al Gore addressing the Tokyo Live Earth Concert. It’s in Japanese, but best we can tell, it has something to do with the weather.
Fugitive Shooter Of NY Cult Leader Nabbed In W. Philly
BY ANDY NEWMAN OF THE NEW YORK TIMES A former fugitive wanted in the shooting of a Staten Island commune leader was ordered held without bail yesterday after she was brought back to Staten Island to face attempted murder charges. Rebekah Johnson, 44, was escorted from the 120th Precinct station house on Staten Island to a hearing Friday in State Supreme Court. At her arraignment, prosecutors said that the woman, Rebekah Johnson, had four driver’s licenses under three names and 11 license plates in her apartment when she was arrested last month in Philadelphia. Ms. Johnson, 44, is a former […]