HOLLA: An Open Letter To Martha Raddatz

wookie-thumb.thumbnail.jpgBY JAMES DOOLITTLE You weren’t fooling me none, sweetheart. A few Sundays ago while you were jib-jabbing away with Stephanopoulos, I looked deep, beyond that educated stare, and saw the fire, the heat, the undeniable glow that made me think you might show love to a street thug from Philly. And now . . . we all know, courtesy of the mighty Keith Olbermann:

“But first, it would not be COUNTDOWN without the top three newsmakers of this day, politically stylized for your protection.

. . . And number one, my old colleague from Channel 5 in Boston, Martha Raddatz, chief White House correspondent of ABC News. The White House press briefing interrupted when a cell phonemartha-raddatz.jpg went off and started playing “Ridin’,” a hip-hop number by Chamillionaire, featuring [sic] Crazy Bone. Martha later revealed that the ring tone had been downloaded by one of her kids. Press Secretary Snow identified the phone as Miss Raddatz’ and said, ‘play that funky music white girl.’ “

Oh, Martha, don’t hide your light beneath those prim Ann Taylor duds. Just ‘fess up to the fact: We done caught you ridin’ dirty, and by that I mean the obvious. Sure, Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone may be talking about playing games with the fuzz and all, but in the 19147, “Ridin'” is baby making music. The double entrendre-laden chorus, that slick beat . . . shit, I’m getting all worked up just thinking of you, girl. So how about I roll my Excursion ’round the block, and get on with “grippin’ some oak” — if you know what I’m sayin’?


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