UFO Crashes Thru Roof, Fucks Up Empty Nesters’ Dream Bathroom, Feds Alerted, Test Results For Kryptonite Pending; Neighbors All Agree, ‘Most Exciting Thing’ In Six Years At Least

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Authorities were trying to identify a mysterious metallic object that crashed through the roof of a house in eastern New Jersey.

Nobody was injured when the golf-ball sized object, weighing nearly as much as a can of soup, struck the home and embedded itself in a wall Tuesday night. Federal officials sent to the scene said it was not from an aircraft.

The rough-surfaced object, with a metallic glint, was displayed Wednesday by police.

“There’s some great interest in what we have here,” said Lt. Robert Brightman. “It’s rather unusual. I haven’t seen anything like it in my career.”

He said he hoped to have the object identified within 72 hours, but declined to name the other agencies whose help he has enlisted.

ASSOCIATED PRESS: Not To Be Alarmist But This Is Exactly How The First War Of The Worlds Started…Whatever You Do, Don’t Go To That Fuckin’ Square Dance! DON’T!

UPDATE: Turns Out Meteorite-Like UFO Was Just A Meteorite, BORING!

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