ASSOCIATED PRESS CALLS VIRGINIA: DEMS TAKE SENATE! DEMS TAKE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES! STORM CAPITOL IN AN ASS-KICKING STAMPEDE OF BLUE THUNDER! GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN!

THERE’S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN, AND HER NAME IS TEDDY ROOSEVELT NANCY PELOSI. PHAWKER CONGRATULATES ADMIRAL JOE SESTAK, CAPTAIN PATRICK MURPHY, AND THE SANTORUM-KILLER HIMSELF, BOB CASEY JR. WE KNOW THAT YOU GUYS COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT OUR HELP, BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT’S IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER AND NEVER FORGET: POWER IS A SIPPIN’ DRINK. FAT, DRUNK AND STUPID IS NO WAY TO GO THRU CONGRESS, SON.

UPDATE: AP DECLARES TESTER THE VICTOR IN MONTANA, DEM CONTROL OF BOTH HOUSES OF CONGRESS DOWN TO WEBB/ALLEN RACE IN VIRGINIA, LATEST FIGURES HAVE DEM WEBB IS THE WINNER, GOD BLESS AMERICA! (With more than 99 percent of all precincts reporting, Webb held a lead of about 6,700 votes over Allen out of nearly 2.4 million cast.)

THE LATEST: ASSOCIATED PRESS HAS DECLARED DEMOCRAT JIM WEBB THE WINNER. IN OTHER WORDS, HELL APPEARS TO BE IN SERIOUS DANGER OF FREEZER BURN. IN WHICH CASE WE REFER YOU TO THE POET, WHO ONCE SAID: WE DON’T NEED NO WATER, LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN, BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN. TO WHICH WE WOULD LIKE TO ADD: EXACTLY.

Oh, and no surprise here, the always classy fucks folks at FUX FOX News just can’t seem to bring themselves to admit BEGRUDGINGLY CONCEDE what even right-wing buttboys like Drudge have already conceded. They are done.

To them we say, GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK. They are going to need it.