Almost Famous: The Metro Declares Phawker Celeb Of The Week

This was news to us, but apparently this is a regular feature, wherein some local philebrity cracks wise on The Week That Was, to wit:

Lynn Swann ate his cheesesteak covered in hot peppers at Pat?s yesterday. That makes him more of a man than John Kerry, who ate his with Swiss cheese, right?metro.jpg

That was a low point for Democrats. Kerry might as well have been wearing a Speedo. But Swann?s like O.J. Simpson: It’s not about race, it’s about class. He?s a very rich man and that’s why he?s a Republican.

Health care coverage costs continue to soar in Pennsylvania. Is the money you’re making from Phawker allowing you to keep up?

What?s health care coverage? You can still get that?

Thanks for the luv, Metro. It almost makes us feel bad about hating out loud everything The Metro stands once stood for: dumbed-down McNews cobbled together by 50 underpaid and overworked monkeys on 50 typewriters. But they called and said ‘We love Phawker, we’ve been reading it all week.’ And frankly, our vanity got the best of us. Again. Besides, Phawker needs friends and they seem like nice people. So on second thought, maybe they aren’t so evil. Or maybe, just evil like a fox. If, say, the Inky’s marketing people would have seen this coming way back when and made similar tactical corrections — brevity, color, product positioning — they might be commanding the eyeballs of SEPTA strap-hangers, too. But then, hindsight is always 20/20. Of course, marketing people get paid the big bucks for having 20/20 FOREsight. Judging by the past five years, PNI should be asking its marketing people for a refund.

The Metro: Reading Is FUNdamental