Bling heist at the Franklin Mills mall, smackdown at the Aramingo Diner. Sure sounds like March Madness.

This week A.P. shames the predatory Pennsyltucky capitalists that own and operate private prisons and paid judges kickbacks for sentencing children who had committed minor crimes at best to jail time in their facilities.

AP Ticker takes on Lower Merion school district’s Webcamgate, disgraced bronze medal snowboarder Scotty Lagos, and answers once and for all the age old question: Is curling gay? Also, he dispels the rumor that he is in fact Epic Beard Man.

AP Ticker delivers a stinging eulogy for recently departed PA congressman John Murtha, plus he reveals his Olympic man-crush on Bob Costas.

With your host AP Ticker.

With your host, A.P. Ticker.

With your host, A.P. Ticker.

With your host A. P. Ticker.

AP Ticker’s [Scrapple News] Hiking in Iran

[Video: AP Ticker’s SCRAPPLE NEWS 12.9.2009]