Artwork by DONKEYHOTEY & STEVE BRODNER/THE NATION THE BOROWITZE REPORT: On the opening night of the 2012 Republican National Convention, the Presidential nominee Mitt Romney received fulsome praise for being a “regular, down-to-earth guy” from his wife, Ann, whose dressage horse, Rafalca, competed in the London Olympics. “Mitt has never let his success go to his head,” Mrs. Romney said. “Take away the seven-thousand-square-foot house in La Jolla and the bank account in the Caymans, he’s still the same fun-loving boy who pinned a gay kid to the ground and cut off his hair.” Mrs. Romney adopted an intimate tone […]
MUST SEE TV: This New Old Spice Ad Is F*cking Genius!
When it finishes, press the keys on your keyboard. Then press RECORD. Be amazed.
SIDEWALKING: Lady Madonna
MDNA, Wells Fargo Center, 10:02 PM by JEFF FUSCO PHILLY POST: With the time at 10:15 p.m. on a weeknight, the first “bull-shit” chants ring out. Bull. Shit. Bull. Shit. Bull. Shit. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” says the guy behind me. “She has until 10:30, and then we’re out of here.” The subject of refunds emerges on Twitter. At 10:23 p.m., the full-on “boos” begin while the neighbor to my right shows me her ticket and points out, “$355 per ticket,” with her companion adding that this was after paying to join the fan club just to […]
KILLADELPHIA: ‘Stop Snitching’ Killed Officer Moses Walker Jr.
INQUIRER: The night of Feb. 12, six months before he allegedly gunned down Police Officer Moses Walker Jr., Rafael Jones was arrested and charged with sticking a handgun into the chest of a man walking to a Germantown bus stop and stealing his designer jacket, Nike sneakers, and $65. The victim, identified in court papers as E.J., 26, ran barefoot two blocks to his girlfriend’s apartment to call police, who quickly arrested Jones, still on probation for a previous gun offense. In the months that followed, E.J. made a fateful decision. He failed to testify. Despite extensive efforts by prosecutors […]
SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Here’s Your Voucher, Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Ass On The Way Out Of The Middle Class, Gramps
Artwork by DONKEYHOTEY BY WILLIAM C. HENRY H.L. Mencken famously said, “For every complex problem, there is an answer that is clear, simple and wrong.” In the upcoming election Americans will be presented with a choice between what the Republican nominee and his V.P. for everything budgetary would have them believe is the only answer to the complex economic problem of continuing budget deficits and mounting national debt, namely, a complete dismantling of the social welfare system as we know it, and a mufti-faceted alternative that is clear, pretty cut-and-dried and altogether righteous. This latter approach entails: 1) no longer […]
SIDEWALKING: Liquor In Front, Poker In The Rear
Ocean City, NJ, 9 AM yesterday by JEFF FUSCO
CINEMA: Words Have Consequences
BY BRANDON LAFVING ARTS CORRESPONDENT Bradley Cooper’s new film, The Words, is an artfully meta coming-of-age story that entertains just slightly more than it challenges. Its story pulls our attention through nested narratives of a writer, his book, his characters, the past, present, and every combination of the above, but the journey is rendered effortless by great storytelling. It opens on a book release press event, featuring critically acclaimed novelist Clay Hammond (Dennis Quaid), who reads the first two parts of his new piece, entitled The Words. As the audience of a film rather than a book release party, […]
AMERICAN PSYCHO: Ringleader Of G.I. Plot To Kill Obama & Overthrow The Government Was A Page At The 2008 RNC
GAWKER: Isaac Aguigui, the Army private and alleged ringleader of a plot to assassinate Barack Obama and “take over” Ft. Stewart in Georgia, apparently served as a page at the 2008 Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, Minn. MORE DAILY MAIL: The Army private was pictured on the floor of the 2008 GOP convention in St Paul, Minnesota, where he apparently served as a page. Gawker identified the alleged killer from a photograph published in Reuters in September 2008. The picture was captioned: ‘Republican National Convention page Isaac Aguigui watches from the edge of the floor at the start of […]
LISTEN LIKE THIEVES: Bigger Lovers’ Celebrate Honey In The Hive‘s 10th Anniversary w/ A Free Download While Supplies Last
RELATED: Ten years ago today our second album, “Honey in the Hive” was released. If you never got around to purchasing it, had it but lost it in a breakup, or had it, sold it to the used CD place and have regretted it ever since, today’s your lucky day. We’re offering “Honey in the Hive” as a free download this week. Download it here free of charge until 11:59 p.m. EST Friday, Aug. 31. No salesman will come to your house, no obligation whatsoever. This one’s on the arm, baby. (You can always pay what you want, if […]
MODEST PROPOSAL: Set Made In America Free!
PHILLY POST: In a city that is as impoverished as ours, it is unconscionable to fence off public space and charge the citizenry of Philadelphia the princely sum of $95 a day to stand on land they already own. That is just plain wrong, even if Skrillex is spinning. Before we go any further, let’s go over some numbers. In Philadelphia, a whopping 26.7 percent of the people live below the poverty line—i.e., an annual income of $22,314 for a family of four or $11,139 for an individual—which puts us way out front of Chicago (21.6 percent), Houston (20.6 […]
PAUL RYAN: Rape Is Just Another ‘Method Of Conception’
Artwork by DONKEYHOTEY HUFFINGTON POST: Last week, Paul Ryan gave an interview in which, defending his position that there should be no excuses for abortion, he referred to rape as a “method of conception.” Wow, right? Talk about a benign euphemism. Rape — RAPE! — is now a “method of conception.” You know, like love-making, just without the love. There could be no greater testament to the utter abdication of responsibility by what passes for a “news” media in America in 2012 than that, despite the grotesquerie of this cavalierly callous comment, chances are better than good that this is […]
The Lonesome Crowded Death Of The Man On The Moon
ASSOCIATED PRESS: In the hours after Armstrong’s death was announced, news networks were airing canned programming — jailhouse documentaries, a rerun interview with Rielle Hunter, Mike Huckabee’s weekend show. Menacing satellite pictures of Tropical Storm Isaac had much more air time than Armstrong’s dusty hops on the lunar surface. Talk of the upcoming GOP national convention sucked up the air. A trio of factors played in to the lack of attention. First, Armstrong died in Cincinnati on a Saturday. Not just any Saturday, when news organizations have a skeletal staff, but a late August weekend. Half the country is at […]
DEAR MEDIA: Please Don’t Feed The Troll
MY FOX PHILLY: There is outrage in the Philadelphia Police Department following a social media page that went up praising the killers of 22nd District Police Officer Moses Walker Jr. John McNesby of the Fraternal Order of Police informed FOX29 of a Facebook page that praised Rafael Jones and Chancier McFarland as “brave men” for their alleged role in the death of Walker. “It’s appalling,” McNesby said. “There’s no sense to it.” Jones and McFarland are accused of following Walker on his way home from work last weekend and attacking him. They say Jones fired several shots killing Walker. […]