BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
THE RELUCTANT COMMUNIST: The Amazing Tragic Life Of A G.I. Imprisoned In North Korea For 40 Years
LOS ANGELES TIMES: In 1965, Jenkins was a U.S. Army sergeant assigned to the demilitarized zone that divides the Korean peninsula, a skinny 24-year-old who was terrified of being sent to what he considered a sure death in Vietnam. One night, after guzzling 10 beers for courage, he abandoned his sense of duty and freedom as he knew it to stumble across the border into North Korea, a desperate midnight maneuver that led to four lost decades in communist captivity. Jenkins quickly became the Pyongyang government’s most prized Cold War pawn. He starred in propaganda movies and memorized the inflated […]
STRANGER THAN FICTION: Jane Roe — Of Roe V. Wade Fame — Arrested At Sotomayor Hearing
WASHINGTON POST: The woman at the center of the Supreme Court’s landmark 1973 abortion rights ruling was arrested today at the confirmation hearing for Sonia Sotomayor, among a wave of anti-abortion protestors who lined the sidewalks outside the Senate office buildings and several of whom made it into the hearing room in an attempt to disrupt the proceedings. Norma McCorvey, 61, of Texas, better known as “Jane Roe” in the famous Roe v. Wade case from January 1973, was arrested after she and another protester started began during the opening statement of Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.), according to Capitol Police. […]
NEWS CLUES: Like A Private Swim Club Of The Truth
DEATH ON THE PIAZZA: Alleged Mastermind To Surrender “The man authorities say planned a drug-linked robbery that turned into a double homicide at a posh Northern Liberties apartment complex last month intends to surrender to police today. James “Pooh” Wilson, 40, who has been the target of an intense law enforcement manhunt for two weeks, will turn himself in at the Police Administration Building this afternoon, said Christopher Warren, a prominent defense lawyer who said Wilson had retained him.” [via the INQUIRER] REVERSED DISCRIMINATION: Swim Club Wants Minority Kids Back “The Montgomery County swim club that sparked a racial furor […]
PHOTOSHOP SLANDER: Obama Ain’t A Dawg
Meredith Walusek: G.M.A. President Obama Butt Glance???
NPR FOR THE DEAF: We Hear It Even When You Can’t
FRESH AIR Sarah Palin’s abrupt resignation from her position as Governor of Alaska has sparked widespread speculation. Michael Carey, former editorial page editor and current columnist for the Anchorage Daily News, discusses popular reaction in the state to Palin’s announcement. RELATED: [ABC’s] Snow also asked Palin whether, if she runs for president, she could avoid the “political blood sport” she cited as among the reasons she wanted to leave office. “I don’t think it will be the day after day after day of ethics violation charges that are frivolous, that are ridiculous. I think on a national level your department […]
FOG OF WAR: Robert McNamara Is No More
REUTERS: Former Defense Secretary Robert McNamara died on Monday aged 93. He will be remembered most as the leading architect of America’s involvement in the Vietnam War. McNamara also forged brilliant careers in industry and international finance, but his painful legacy remains Vietnam. More than anyone else except possibly President Lyndon Johnson, McNamara became to anti-war critics the symbol of a failed policy that left more than 58,000 U.S. troops dead and the nation bogged down in a seemingly endless disaster in Southeast Asia. Pundits came to call the conflict “McNamara’s War.” With his slicked-back hair and rimless glasses, he […]
BRENDAN CALLING: Is That A Super-Majority In Your Pants Or Are You Just Too Much Of A Pussy To Use It?
[by THUNDERLOAF] BRENDAN SKWIRE: One would think that the Democrats, who now control both houses of Congress and the White House, would be taking the bull by the horns and ramming their agenda through despite the objections of the defeated and humiliated Republican Party. […] So you’d think the Democrats would be eager to reverse all that. You’d also think the Democrats would be eager to fulfill some of their own promises, like that universal health care thing we’ve heard so much about, or making it easier for unions to organize. Instead, we get bullshit like Chaka Fattah selling out […]
NOPE: Is That All There Is To A Maverick?
NEW YORK TIMES: Had she refused John McCain, Palin would still be a popular female governor in a Republican Party starved for future stars. Her scandals would be the stuff of local politics, her daughter’s pregnancy a minor story in the Lower 48, her son Trig’s parentage a nonissue even for conspiracy theorists. There would still be plenty of time to ease into the national spotlight, to bone up on the issues, and to craft a persona more appealing than the Mrs. Spiro Agnew role the McCain campaign assigned to her. Most important, nobody would have realized yet how much […]
HOT DOC: We Hold These Truths To Be Self-Evident
IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776 The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America:When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are […]
MINNESOTA SUPREME COURT: Al Franken Won!
REUTERS: The Minnesota Supreme Court on Tuesday declared Democrat Al Franken the winner of a tight U.S. Senate race over Republican Norm Coleman, which should give Democrats the 60-seat majority they need to overcome procedural obstacles and push through their agenda. Coleman has said in published reports he is unlikely to appeal the state court’s decision to the federal courts. Under state law, the court’s decision gives Franken the right to occupy the seat, which has been up for grabs since last November’s election. Minnesota Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty has said he will certify the election winner based on what […]
OFFICIAL: Mousavi Loses Rigged Election
CNN: Saying it had completed an investigation into alleged voter irregularities, Iran’s election authority on Monday stood by its findings that gave hardline President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad an overwhelming victory and sparked more than two weeks of chaos in the streets. There was “no tangible irregularity,” Guardian Council spokesman Abbas Ali Kadkhodaei told government-run Press TV after reporting that a recount of some 10 percent of the votes found no significant differences. “After this, the file will be closed and from today on in the presidential election, the file has been closed.” MORE
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