BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
SCRAPPLE TV NEWS: Webcamgate!
AP Ticker takes on Lower Merion school district’s Webcamgate, disgraced bronze medal snowboarder Scotty Lagos, and answers once and for all the age old question: Is curling gay? Also, he dispels the rumor that he is in fact Epic Beard Man.
EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES: Michael Smerconish Quits The GOP, Says It’s Become A ‘Party Of Exclusion’
[Photo by CHRIS CHRISMAN] MICHAEL SMERCONISH: The national GOP is a party of exclusion and litmus tests, dominated on social issues by the religious right, with zero discernible outreach by the national party to anyone who doesn’t fit neatly within its parameters.Which is not to say I feel comfortable in the Democratic Party, either. Where political parties once existed to create coalitions and win elections, now they seek to advance strict ideological agendas. Collegiality is nonexistent today, and any outreach across an aisle is castigated as weakness by the talking heads who constantly stir a pot of discontent. So vicious […]
SCRAPPLE TV NEWS: Murtha, Murtha, Murtha!
AP Ticker delivers a stinging eulogy for recently departed PA congressman John Murtha, plus he reveals his Olympic man-crush on Bob Costas.
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
SCRAPPLE TV NEWS: Snowpocalypse, Now!
With your host AP Ticker.
WING BOWL: It’s Like Jersey Shore On Ice
BY FELICIA PERRETTI They call him Kid Knish. I call him dad. On January 28th 2000, he was a wing-eating competitor in Wing Bowl VIII. He was always the outgoing, fun one in the family and this event was just another chapter in his otherwise ordinary surburban dad life in Roslyn. My dad was never the strict parent; he always knew how to have a good time. The first time he went to the Wing Bowl, he was just a spectator. This would be 1999, and back then it was at the Spectrum and it was free to […]
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
VALANIA: Last Night I Sneaked Into The Tea Party
BY JONATHAN VALANIA FOR THE PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY A word of warning: The story you are about to read is neither fair nor balanced; just true. The other night I snuck into the Tea Party, like a spy in the House of Glenn Beck Love, and nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. You know about the Tea Party movement, right? The populist jihad—sponsored by Fox News, FreedomWorks, the Taliban wing of the Republican Party and the rest of the Dick Armey—that’s putting the RIOT back in PATRIOT. They’re white as hell and they’re not gonna take the 2008 presidential election anymore. […]
PAPERBOY: Slow-Jamming The Alt-Weeklies
BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
SCRAPPLE TV NEWS: The Week That Was
With your host, A.P. Ticker.
MEDIA: Conan’s $500,000 F*ck You Farewell To NBC
[Illustration by ALEX FINE] According to ?uestlove, Tom Hanks’ walkout song on the finale of The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien — the Beatles’ “Lovely Rita”, in honor of Hanks’ wife Rita Wilson — cost NBC $500,000. ?UESTLOVE: yo i hate spoiling but i will have you know that walk on song we just heard was half a milli. i know cause i got the list rate at nbc…tom’s walkon music on conan is on my “restricted” list—wow a $500,000 walkon song lol. [via TWITTER] CONAN O’BRIEN: “All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young […]